i am not in a good place right now. another day another migraine, it
feels like my brain in trying to grow out of my skull, my eyes hurt, my
neck hurts, and my head hurts. was diagnosed with colpocephaly after an
MRI, not much is known about it and d...
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i am not in a good place right now. another day another migraine, it
feels like my brain in trying to grow out of my skull, my eyes hurt, my
neck hurts, and my head hurts. was diagnosed with colpocephaly after an
MRI, not much is known about it and doctors don't know how to treat
anything associated with it. added to all of this, i am in love with
someone, someone i cannot have. met her 9 months ago, is everything i
could hope for, except one thing, she is married. I myself was in a
loveless relationship, 10 years long, she would love bomb me, give me
everything i wanted for a short time and then months upon months of
nothing, and when i finally complained, the cycle would happen again,
just to keep me in line. i was the one working, always the one working,
jobs of bad conditions, bad pay, long hours and infinite stress. i was
forever broke. i was forever exhausted. i was forever lonely. 5 days
before my birthday in December, id had enough, id finally snapped, so
now she is gone. she left me with debt, at least $25,000 worth. it is
now late Feb, she agreed to help pay them off, but to date have received
$0.00. now, i live at minimum, 100km from any friends or family,this
girl i love, 300km. i must drive 60km each way to and from work, every
day. i work at a computer & office supplies store (includes catering
supplies), i am the only employee, my bosses are a close to retirement
age couple. i do everything here, except payment of accounts. I fix
computers, install and repair eftpos machines (on site), do all the
purchase orders for buying stock then send them to suppliers, stock
inwards, warehouse management, i drive the forklift and unload trucks,
unpack all the pallets of stuff and put everything away, i do front of
house retail sales, customer service, resolving complaints, phone
orders, meetings with customers on site, customer relations which
includes having meeting with schools to discuss supply options, i do
deliveries in a 100km radius. take phones to repair the repair
technician, do house calls, install security systems and anything else
that may pop up. He was as cop for 40 years, more dodgy than a drug
dealer, she was a students aide (got fired) she has a complete
micromanaging issue, and he doesn't care. up until a month ago, i was
allowed to use the work van to travel to and from work, this required
that i do deliveries and jobs outside of work hours (9-5), and the van
was my payment. i would leave for work at 7:50am every day, i would not
get home till 6-7pm most days, sometimes later, all deliveries required
a signed paper invoice, there was hell to pay if i did not bring one
back to work. even doing these deliveries and things outside of work
hours, i was considered late if i arrive after 8:50am i get less than
$23ph. a month ago, the van died, they didn't want to replace it. if i
relied on public transport, it was a vline train each way, id get there
at 11:45am and need to leave by 2pm to get home... not viable. i managed
to scrape together $2000 and i started looking for a car, told my
friends and family to keep an eye out for me, my father ended up giving
me a further $4000, then 2 weeks ago i bought a 2011 ford. came with
roadworthy, i got it registered, and was able to return to work. my
stress levels at this point were through the roof. my bosses have the
cheek to offer me $50 cash per month to pay for my fuel and car costs,
and expect me to keep doing deliveries using my own car, even before and
after work (for example, if i need to take a phone to the tech, it is
45km out of my way to drop it off at night, then pick it up in the
morning) today, i woke up, had 5 hours sleep, got dressed, jumped in the
car, got just out of town and then started getting transmission issues
which ended in the car going into limp mode after 30 seconds. i call
work tell them i wont be in, then drive home in first gear. i am broke,
more than broke, i have NOTHING left, on top of that, i have bills that
are trying to come out of my account, so far this week the bank has
declined $300 of direct debits. i have been using gift cards i got for
christmas and birthdays over the past few years to get groceries, do you
have any idea what it does to someones self worth having to pay for
groceries with 8 different gift cards, in one shop, some of them with
like $5 left on them right now i am fighting the urge to self harm and
I'm having some really troubling thoughts.
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