Getting married and feeling down, am I normal?

[Meliss]

First off I have to say I have a lot going on.
I am struggling with every day functioning at the moment.
I feel more depressed after covid lockdown than when we were in lockdown. I don't want to go anywhere and I don't want to do anything. I'd rather just lay around all day.
I am due to be married soon, but we have postponed twice already. My friend is trying to talk to me about the wedding and all I can do is be sad. 2 of my family members had covid. My mother in law has alzheimers and is getting worse by the day. I just feel like what's the point of anything. My eating has gone bad. I don't even feel like cooking and I normally love it. 2 of our bridal party are overseas and 1 moved interstate. And on top of all of this I hate my job. I signed up for a class last year, only to find I hated it. So now I'm back at square one. I just want to get a job where I am appreciated. I worked right through covid and it feels like everything is catching up with me now.
I must say I do love my fiancee and it's not him making me feel this way. . He's a beautiful person who I love very much and look forward to being married to.
I'm over it all. What's the point of anything.
What can I do? This is the worst i have felt for a long time.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Any wonder you are overloaded. Normally organising a wedding is hard enough but with Covid and all the other issues on your shoulders like other peoples health etc- wow! That's tough.

Ok, there is some things you can do. If there is a task that you can delegate to someone else then try that. "Hi X, I'm wondering if you can help me out and take over the flowers of my wedding"? etc

Secondly- focus. We all sometimes fall into "doomsday" thinking but when the day finally arrives it usually falls into place and you'll be laughing and your eyes will sparkle.

Thirdly- relaxation. Yes, it sounds ridiculous but truly, it will help. 20 minutes a day chill out. Put thi on while you are lying down - Youtube maharaji sunset

Finally - being realisitic. These ups and downs is a part of life that we have no control over. It is far better to accept that things will and do go wrong even planning the perfect wedding! In fact often it is the things that do go wrong in a wedding that makes the wedding special like suddenly raining and everyone starts laughing. In my case I knew my wife to be would start crying so I offered her a hankerchief and she started pulling it out of my sleeve and there was 15 of them tied together. It certainly brkoe the ice of the otherwise quiet wedding in a park.

Thankyou for writing in. Many people read these posts and will benefit out of it.

TonyWK

[missep123]

Hi Meliss,

I'm so sorry to hear that you have been feeling that way. I feel like COVID has really made us re-evaluate and think about everything so much. I first want to highlight that it's so great to hear how much you love your fiancee and that you are looking forward to getting married. I am so glad to hear that you have that support in your life.

It sounds like there are many things going on for you at the moment. If you would write down on a list the things you wanted to change and how you would obtain this, what would you put? (this is more of an open question, you can write it down here or keep it to yourself of course whichever you feel most comfortable).

TonyWK mentioned some great points above, did anything stand out to you or resonate with you?

We are definitely here for you! Please keep us updated!

[amberlite]

To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer ,for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.

The marriage vows all the rest pails into insignificance,

[Emmen]

Dear Meliss,

Welcome to the forums.

You may be putting too much pressure on yourself. You've got a lot going on in life - from various illnesses to people overseas/interstate to a job you don't like. The wedding is a happy thing, but with everything else, you're just too overwhelmed to feel happy about the wedding. Wedding planning itself is stressful - in the lead up to my wedding, I remember feeling exhausted and wishing I could fast forward everything to the days after our wedding.

My advice to you would be to write down all the things you have to do right now so that it's feels more organised. You also have to be clear on the things you can control and those that you can't. For instance, family members being ill is something that takes an emotional toll, but you cannot control that. Your job is something you can change, but perhaps that should be left until the wedding so that you can concentrate on the wedding now. As for your bridal party members being overseas/interstate, I'd suggest coming up with alternative plans that don't involve them as heavily given our current border situation. Or you could consider getting them involved though a live stream if possible.

It's a stressful time now, but it'll get better. Hang in there.

Kindly,
M

[missep123]

Hi Meliss,

I wanted to check in on you and see how you were going?

We are definitely here for you!

[therising]

Hi Meliss

My heart goes out to you as you sound thoroughly exhausted and overwhelmed by a multitude of challenges that sound like they're getting the better of you to various degrees.

You pose a couple of valid statements, 'I'm over it all' and 'What's the point of anything'.

I can relate to picking the heck out of all the things I'm over regarding certain aspects of life, especially given the challenges of last year. While I believe most of us love the feelings that come with managing constructive aspects of life, last year seemed very much destructive in certain ways. If we define our self somewhat through a structured life, COVID lock down didn't just take away much of our structure, it kind of took away part of who we were. If what we love is adventure, excitement, routine/predictability, short term things to look forward to, solid plans to ground us in the way ahead, social interaction and so on, for a while we lost what we love to a degree. Personally, I could say I just wasn't feeling the love, that connection to life, and that does impact us naturally, mentally and chemically. So, now as I set to restructuring my life, it has also become about rekindling the love, creating a spark. Easier said than done and for good reason...

Another way of saying 'What's the point of it all' could be 'Was the last lot of 'kindling' all that good to begin with?' So, here comes the real challenge. If we look at each bit of 'kindling' that could fuel the fire (the passion) in life, is an okay kinda job going to contribute to such an outcome? What about basic adventuring (adding basic ventures to life as oppose to great ones that are going to reform us in significant ways)? Do we wish to 'go with the flow' better or do we want to do more than wish? Do we look more into who we naturally are and what that flow is? Do we long to find a group of people we vibe more than just basically with? Do we want to find our 'tribe', people who'll inspire and raise us in the most amazing ways? The list of 'kindling' goes on.

I believe, while we can feel basically happy and basically in love with life, we can reach a point where 'basically' just doesn't cut it anymore. What's the point in living basically? The point to life is to live it sensationally, to feel it. I'm wondering if you can relate to the question 'How do I manage to feel life, on a new level?'

Personally, I can say 'The fire (passion) was gradually going out'. I just didn't realise it.

Now...to start that fire.

🙂

[Meliss]

Hi all, thanks so much for all your support. It definitely helps.

I have been feeling a bit better. I have been forcing myself to go out and do things. It's hard sometimes but I feel much better

I also have been focusing heaps on things outside of work. I've been on a job interview, applied for another short course, and we are applying For a home loan for our very own first home.

Thanks again

[therising]

Hi Meliss

Things definitely sound like they're getting more exciting. I'm glad the way forward for you is beginning to look and feel a little different. While there can be some sense of security in the 'sameness' or routine of life, excitement often comes through the differences we make. You are bravely pursuing a lot of difference, something to be so incredibly proud of. It can take enormous courage when it comes to gradating through life to find the best in our self.

🙂

[missep123]

Hi Meliss,

I'm so glad to hear that you have been feeling a little bit better. I am very proud of you for making sure your mental health and wellbeing is a priority. I know that it can be so difficult to force yourself to go out and do things but I am the same, I feel better for it afterwards.

That is so great to hear that you went for a job interview and applied for a short course. It is looking like a hopeful new chapter for you 🙂

I look forward to hearing from you!