I can't ride the roller coaster anymore.

[White_Rose]

I thought I was getting on so well and now I am back in the hole. I don't want to try anymore.  It's just too hard and I'm tired of everything. I've tried to help others and thought I was was not doing too badly with life. I know it's good to talk to others, even via this forum, but no more. I just can't go on.

Can anyone give me a reason?

LING

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[HelenM]

Hi LING

Halfway through your post I had to double check it wasn't the one I'd written! Everything you say I could have said.

Like you, anything unexpected and I fall apart. Prior to depression I'd carry on and be the strong one even though underneath I was worrying sick. Now I am so fragile I only function well if the path is smooth with no more than the smallest of bumps. The professionals do make coping that bit easier and just now I'm seeing my GP monthly just as a safety net. He's told me that he doesn't think he has much value in this as I know everything I must do. He accepts though that I need it for psychological reasons.

This is the coincidence. I go to church weekly. It is literally over the road from me. My priest doesn't like me. He has a unfriendly manner to everyone but he saves his unpleasant manner for just a few. With me it's because I'm quite outspoken and also because I live in Scotland but moved up from England many years ago. Some Scots dislike the English for historic reasons and he's one. Like you I ignore him now - it makes life easier.

You too show care and help me and others. I really hope you're beginning to feel a bit better.

Helen

[White_Rose]

Thanks Helen

Yes I am starting to feel better. Not so falling apart. Went to see my GP 2 days ago and going again tomorrow.

It makes me so sad when priests act in this manner. I'm told they are human too and just as prone to acts of unkindness as everyone else. Unfortunately the church will not pull them into line. Old boys club. Ah well! Maybe our respective priests will move on.

Actually I got into trouble for the same reason as you, too outspoken. Too many people think the priest is infallible and the attitude of the church generally is to support this view.  I'm told it's all about power and control.

Yes, I understand the English/Scottish antagonism.  It's the same in Australia with the English/Australians. Not as bad as it was in some places. My daughter married a Scot and despite not being English he's not too bad (with tongue firmly in cheek).

It really is good to know that someone else experiences the same difficulties. Pre-depression I could cope with life and it's ups and downs generally. Now it seems that just as I think I managing along comes something that knocks me off my feet. I would love to say "it's not fair", but then fairness has nothing to do with it. Life is just like that and we have to regain our resilience. But I am getting there, one foot at a time.

Someone sent me a picture of a young child walking along a log. You can only see the feet and just above the ankles, one foot on the log and the other lifted to step forward. The caption reads, "No magic potions, no fairy dust. No one to push you. No one to do it for you. Just one determined foot in front of the other". I printed it out and put it on my kitchen wall as a reminder.  I have several reminders on the wall for when I get a bit despondent.

Thanks for keeping in touch.

LING