I can't bring myself to do anything

Rock · ‎24-07-2016

I don't usually reach out like this because I'm a very secretive person, but I'm just so desperate right now. I've had severe depression for years now. I'm stuck in a real bad down time at the moment. I've been on medication for a while which has blunted my emotions and stopped my panic attacks. I can usually pick myself up, at least enough, after a week or so but this time it's just not faltering. I just can't bring myself to DO anything. I've tried making a schedule and just forcing myself but I just end up feeling even more empty and lost. I used to be so passionate about art and studying just for the fun of it. Nothing feels fun now, not even games, and I just sit here all day doing nothing. I don't know how to kick myself into action. Please, if anyone has any suggestions, I'd really appreciate it.

Qui · ‎26-07-2016

Hi Rock

I too don't know how some people can get up 5 days a week for work, I used too until i got too sick. Now years later I have 2 small jobs which I find much easier to manage and am pushing myself through uni (was meant to go today but due to unrelated panic attack I had yesterday I couldn't leave my bed).

maybe this is something you could do too eventually. Sometimes I'm fine but when I'm not its easier for me to fake it to each job as they are only 10ish hours each a week. I also like that it's easier to remain private with these people as I don't see them 40hrs a week.

Hope this helps

Qui

james1 · ‎26-07-2016

Hey Jenny, it's funny that you say that about being basically forced into going for a walk. In my "good" moods, I organise all these meetings with friends so that when I go back to my bad mood, I've forced myself to go outside. It's like a pre-emptive self-preservation tactic, haha.

Have you got any pets yourself? I love cats too, but I'm allergic to them! Such a tragedy, haha. I still like to pet and hug them though. It's too tempting not to!

I used to buy my pencils from "Cheap Joe's" and "Dick Blick" in the US back when the AUD was stronger, and I'd buy lots of stuff in one go to make the most of the shipping (sometimes they had free shipping). I've stayed mostly along realistic (or as close as I can get it!) portraits of people I knew, characters from fiction or celebrities. Also tried doing flowers and charcoal landscapes. I wouldn't say any of it was good, but it was fun, haha. And hopefully I'll get better some day. I've now started trying to do 5 minute portrait sketches, focussing on getting likeness in a realistic sketch, rather than spending time getting details. I HATE layering hair.

How's your day going? What's your achievement of the day so far?

Hey Igbran, I've never been rollerskating/rollerblading, but I imagine them to be similar to ice skating. And yes, what amazes me all the time is just how much detail we miss. E.g. all the ants crawling through the bark!

Qui - great to hear you're learning to manage your workload and mental health and your observations are spot on. I was working full time and studying full time, and that's what led to my recent collapse. Definitely will NOT be doing that again!

Rock · ‎26-07-2016

Hi, Qui

Thanks for the words. I do hope to work some day, hopefully in the near future. Although depression is bad enough, it's my social anxiety that makes it seem impossible to work. Even school felt like torture to me. I guess I'll just have to go for it eventually.

I hope you are feeling better. Panic attacks are awful things. Even working for that amount of time a week is an achievement. Keep going as best you can.

Jenny

Rock · ‎26-07-2016

Arranging stuff to do while you're in a good mood is a good idea...I would too, if my one and only friend (actually kinda fine with this amount of friends) didn't live on the other side of the country! Yes, I've got two cats, brothers. They're just 'moggies', one with silky orange and white fur and one with fluffy grey fur.

I'd love to see you art. I've tried drawing people about twice in my life...both VERY sad attempts, haha. They're so hard to draw. Also, I wish art supplies weren't so expensive! Gah.

My day is going okay. I'm getting through. Achievement? Hmm. Well, I got half way through a book this morning and actually enjoyed it. Does that count? What about you?

james1 · ‎27-07-2016

Yep! Sometimes all we need is just one true friend who'll be there with us and we know we can trust. A bit difficult that you're living very far apart...do you get many chances to visit? Aww, that's cute. I know I'm allergic, but I'm so tempted to get some cats one day. I've got a little bird at the moment (a cockatiel) and I hope to get two rats by the end of the year.

Yes, I find people frustratingly difficult to get likeness, and most of the time I get 1/2 way and realise the eyes are 1/4cm too high and that's enough to mess up the image. It can be soooo frustrating, haha. Do you know any good non-daunting art sharing sites? DeviantArt seems to be full of pros, but i think it'd be great to share stuff!

Oh that's a wonderful achievement. What book are you reading? Is it fiction/non fiction? I'm so keen to get started on the book club that Joelle's trying to start. It's been ages since I read anything and I used to love reading.

I had a rubbish day yesterday that ended with me throwing my headphones at home, exiling myself from the house, and staying out on the streets all night in my work clothes. Eventually I found a 24/7 maccas and went there for a bit. Now I'm back at work (got here at 5:30AM), smelly, unkempt, tired as hell, but alive. So my achivement: I made it through, and I've made arrangements to un-exile myself from the house. Gotta take a positive out of it right? haha. I even managed to complete a lifelong goal to sleep at work under my desk (i had a 30 minute nap at 6)!

Rock · ‎27-07-2016

Haha, oh boy, sounds like you had a real rough day. That sounds pretty awful. Hopefully today will be better. I don't get to visit much, but it's great when it does happen. I like birds, especially parrots, but they're too noisy for me to keep and my cats would constantly try to eat it. I knew someone once who had two pet rats and they liked to stash food behind the couch.

The book I was reading is called How to Clone a Mammoth. It discusses how possible it may be and the complications of bringing extinct species back. A book club sounds really good.

Sorry, I don't know of many art sharing sites. Honestly though, DeviantArt is full of artists who...I wouldn't call pros. Not trying to be mean or anything but there are a lot of young artists on there that...um...have a long way to go yet. The main downside to using deviantart is that it's hard to get noticed. It's just such a HUGE community with many great artists and even if you're good it's easy to get lost in the crowd. I myself have an account there. My username is Allo-cat, if you'd like to take a look. And if you ever do decide to join, I'd be happy to 'watch' you on there.

james1 · ‎27-07-2016

Hey Jenny, I'll have a look when I get home. I don't have access while at work unfortunately. Aha, I think I just look at the good stuff which might skew my opinion a bit.

I have a dog (lives at dad's place now) and he is such a nuisance! He used to run upstairs a lot (even though he wasn't allowed) and we'd chase him and find him skulking around sniffing everything. We thought it was all innocent. Anyway, one of the bedrooms started getting smelly but we couldn't figure it out for weeks. Then one day, I caught him red-handed: there was a beanbag in the room which he'd ripped a hole in and stuffed all this food in there...and it was all mouldy and rotting...

I can imagine rats doing that - people call them little dogs sometimes, haha. But I'll only have a very small apartment so not much room for them to hide stuff (hopefully).

Oh I really like science books. Would you recommend it? Have you read "The brain that changes itself"?

Rock · ‎27-07-2016

Ah I've never actually owned a dog myself but I do quite like them. I love huskies, white shepards and salukis but I like them all. Your dog doesn't get the idea of a food stash...you're supposed to eat it before it goes rotten!

I'm only half way through the book but if you're at all interested in genetics and 'de-extinction' then I would recommend it. I've enjoyed it. I haven't read that book, but I have seen it before and it caught my attention. Is it a good read? Speaking of books I got a little colouring book today. It's called 'A Year in Colour'. It's not one of the highly patterned ones but I really like it.

james1 · ‎28-07-2016

Yeah...my dog's a little deficient up there, haha.

I've read bits of it and it has some really fascinating stories. I've always been interested in mental health and it's just a really great read.

Oh I've got animal kingdom by millie marotta. I also really want to get a huge jigsaw, haha.

I really liked your candle dust picture! That was really amazing. I'm guessing you've got a nice tablet? I've never understood digital art - how do you do the different gradients...pen pressure?

Rock · ‎28-07-2016

Thank you. I've got a tablet but I wouldn't really call it a nice one. It's one of the earlier models. It's as basic as a graphics tablet can get, really. But it does the job. Yes, you can get a nice gradient by altering the pen pressure like you were drawing on paper.