Hi all
I'm not sure if anyone else is like this.
When I get depressed which unfortunately can be quite often, I become fixated on the past.
In particular there was a time in 2009/10 where I was happier than I've ever been. I was only young, 17 or so back then. Most notably I had just started my first 'relationship'.... we held hands a few times... so relationship might be a stretch, but it meant the world to me. As far as I was concerned she was perfect. It was period of a few months where I couldn't have been happier. I remember so much of that time in vivid detail.
Things went very downhill not long after, that's when I was diagnosed with severe depression and I landed up in hospital on more than one occasion. I'm doing well now but it's a battle.
My current relationship is not good. While I love my partner she sadly is almost certainly a covert narcissist. It's taken me the best part of 5 years to figure that out. All the time I thought I was in some way defective. I wrote a separate thread about that as that is presenting issues of its own. I guess this triggers me to experience depressive episodes at times. I guess it's safe to say the last 5 years have been very hard.
When I have these episodes I start going through old photos, emails etc. from this time. Even going as far as mapping out what events occurred on what day. Almost trying to take myself back. At first I thought it's just reminiscing; which I guess it is; but I think I'm stuck. Honestly I'd give everything to go back to that time again. Sometimes I even drive to locations where significant things may have happened. I try so hard to go back.
I know I'm seeing the present through a depressed lens at the moment and that's probably part of the issue.
Does anyone have any advice so I can 'snap out' of this? While I enjoy the nostalgia I fear it's becoming a bit of an obsessive thing and isn't doing me any good.
