I feel so worthless, not good enough, lack confidence, have fear of
failing or making wrong decisions, i feel like i am disappointing myself
and others all the time. These feelings have been with me since
childhood and I am 35 now. Its like this dark...
View more
I feel so worthless, not good enough, lack confidence, have fear of
failing or making wrong decisions, i feel like i am disappointing myself
and others all the time. These feelings have been with me since
childhood and I am 35 now. Its like this darkness thats always there in
the background and just intensifies during difficult times or percieved
difficult times. As I am getting older it is more complex and intense.
Im aware of thoughts i have, but I find it so hard to dissociate from
them. I get so involved that they exhaust me, paralise me and stop me
from taking action towards things that matter to me. This then makes me
feel even worse because then I just feel pathetic and weak. I just feel
like I don’t deserve life since I can’t live and I know as I get older
it will only get worse. I even started being forgetful, can’t focus and
lost motivation completely. This is my current situation where the above
affect me: Currently I am due to go back to work from Maternity leave in
couple of months but I really would prefer to look for another job. I
have been working for this employer for almost 10 years and I really
feel like I need a change because towards the end I was feeling
miserable at work but stuck around due to maternity leave. The factors
that are stopping me from looking for another job are: feeling bad that
i will let my employer down, thinking I am not good enough/not competent
enough, fear of being rejected, thinking someone else will get it
anyway, also being indecisive of which path to take because i dont want
to wrong decision. Not working for 10 months also did not help my
confidence. All of this makes me feel so useless and worthless. I hate
being the way I am. I feel that most people have their life figured out
by now and seem to be more successful, doing better and coping well with
life. I just feel so pathetic and useless, like i am not capeable of
living. This current situation has made me so depressed. I’ve been
loosing sleep, i lost my appetite, i lost joy in things and i have
absolutely no motivation for anything. I attend to my baby and his needs
and then clean house when i have energy but thats about it. By end of
day i feel so exhausted. I just feel so useless and like a failure. I
feel bad for my son too, I really dont want him to end up like me but
how can I teach him things that I can’t figure out myself. I just dont
know what to do. I feel like there is no way out and that i will forever
be stuck with being like this.