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I am desperate for help
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I am desperate for help with my depression, I am just holding on with my fingertips. Everything I do is wrong and I hurt everyone I love all I want to do lay down and go to sleep so I can't hurt anymore, the only thing that has stop me killing myself is my son. Have no one to talk to as they think only reason I feel this way is because as I am being silly
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Hi, welcome
Well, you are not being silly. I have a thread on that below-
Birds of a feather are here!
I'd like to talk about options. Some think of options some dont, some think about radical ideas, some dont. The fact is that our environment, workplace, careers, family situations, kids and toxic people all have a bearing on our outlook. Our outlook can be a drain on us and add to our depression even if those things arent the cause. So I'd like to raise the possibility of a radical change- do you think any radical change could help?
Eg some people with depression have a difficult and sad marriage that stops ones depression from drifting away. A radical approach would be to consider separation. We are talking about severe living issues here that can be very serious with outcomes, hence all topics should be on the list of consideration.
With depression itself we can try to break free but if your mind isnt prepared for the task then it is not only wasted energy but more depression as your efforts failed. We have to wait until we are ready.
https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/depression/depression-and-the-timing-of-motivation/td-p/149708
My last thread for you to browse (you only need to read the first post of each) is a spiritual journey listed inside the post. Several youtube videos that could very well change your life. I hope you enjoy them. Take care and reply if you like.
"After a while you'll feel this is home... and sweet it is.."
TonyWK
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Hi Sosorry
First, just want to say I'm so glad you've met with Tony here. While he offers people a brilliance or light with which to see the way forward with some clarity, he's been a great guide to many on the forums over the years, myself included. I 100% agree with him, you're not being silly and you've come to a place where people can relate to what others just can't relate to (incredible personal struggle that can feel soul destroying at times).
I wish to offer you a perspective that I hope helps in some way. While I'm proud to be a highly sensitive person (a HSP), it wasn't always this way. It was something I used to be ashamed of to some degree. While being led to believe being highly sensitive was some sort of 'weakness', I was eventually led to see it as 'being able to sense more easily and more deeply than others'. In other words, it's an ability that can definitely feel like one hell of a curse at times. It can feel like hell on earth on occasion. Finding others who know what that's like ('birds of a feather' as Tony mentions) can come as a relief. For example, while you can have a lot of insensitive folk say stuff like 'Stop feeling sorry for yourself', highly sensitive people may say 'I can feel the sorrow you feel for yourself and it breaks my heart'. So, insensitive folk vs sensitive folk. My favourites are the sensitive (those who are much better at sensing what's there). Others just can't feel it and that's in no way our fault, the fact that they can't feel it.
I'm glad you have your 'anchor person' in your life, someone who keeps you from leaving. As a mum, my kids are also my key anchors in the most depressing of times. Without them, I don't think we would work so incredibly hard to make better sense of why we suffer so much at times. The love we have for them tends to force our own evolution in a variety of ways. 'If I can't leave them, what is it going to take in order for me to stay?'. We reform our self for them and, in turn, evolve in the process.
My number one rule when it comes to my mental health is 'Never seek guidance from someone who says 'You're too sensitive, you need to toughen up' or some variation on that'. Always seek guidance from someone who a)loves to wonder and b)loves to gain a better sense of what the underlying issue/s could be. You could say someone who enjoys 'coming to their senses' (of intuition, wonder, curiosity, analysis, deep feeling etc). I've found Tony to be excellent at this. Insensitive people can become incredibly depressing for a natural born 'feeler' or 'sensitive'. They can be such a major trigger. As you'd know, dismissiveness has a definite feel to it, as does being degraded. While such things promote a down shift, inspiration offers a sense of feeling raised. Btw, you're allowed to feel sorrow or sorry for yourself. It's simply a sign of how much compassion you have for yourself at a time of deep sufferance.
A warm and deeply heartfelt welcome to you. I'm so glad you came here 🙂❤️
