I am depressed, highly stressed, lonely and overweight, what are some simple everyday steps i can take to happiness

[Skitz]

I will start by saying that I have suffered with depression for about 15 years. A couple of years ago I found who I thought was my soulmate, but all he did was take advantage of my kindness and just used my emotions up like a sponge. Today i took the first step by telling him that i will not accept this treatment anymore and i need a week without contact so i can self reflect.

I have PCOS, chronic pain and chronic insomnia (the later two caused from an accident 6 years ago) I take meds to sleep and for the PCOS and losing weight is pretty much impossible. I could eat a salad leaf and still gain weight. I do know that if i exercise every day that i can lose weight, i just lack the motivation. I recently bought a treadmill and hope to walk every day, But i am having difficulty with motivation.

I have had some dark times due to my depression and apart from steps every day, i really need some help in some basic everyday steps i can take to help with my motivation, and motivational posters and sayings dont help, just annoy me. I found that doing small things like drinking a glass of tea at night, with a heatpack, which has helped in the past with stress to relax me a little, I just need more ideas.

Sometimes I dont even feel like i have the energy or motivation to brush my teeth, shower or eat.

Ideas anyone?

[MsPurple]

I get your frustration Skitz. There is so much giving and helping you can give without having the favour returned. It is frustrating and emotionally draining. Maybe that could be something to talk about if you do decide to try and work on things. Saying how you feel like you support him in his time of need but he doesn't do it for you. Not saying you should stay or leave your partner, that is completely up to you, but I think you would need to work on both supporting each other and not just it going one way. I think you should also discuss prioties. How they are making you feel like you are not a priority, and that you should be a priority. Life happens and sometimes things have to be cancelled last minute (e.g. illness). Maybe explain how it makes you feel when they cancel last minute, put it in a point of view where he positions himself in your shoes, I found this helped when I had this discussion with my partner.

So what else has been stressing you out lately? I feel like you don't just want to talk about your relationship (although it sounds like part of your stress is from your relationship so it needs to be discussed/vented) because you didn't post in the relationship section. Is there anything else you would like to discuss or vent about.

[Skitz]

I am not suicidal, just broken.

I am looking for people to give me small things I can do everyday to help me stop the cycle of depression as it's destroying my motivation. I have started to have a night time ritual where i shower at a set time, drink tea, use a heat pack (muscle & nerve damage makes most of my upper back and neck muscles constantly stiff causing extreme pain from strains, the more stressed i am the worse it is) then after the heat pack and tea, an alarm will go off and i will brush my teeth, then watch 30 minutes of whatever i was watching earlier, before going to bed at 9:30 sharp, reading for 30 minutes, then sleep. This is helping, but i am having difficulties with the time in between, after i get home and at work.

I left early from work yesterday because of the pain and emotional distress i was in and i just can't afford to run away.

[StillKicking]

You're allowed to be sad and pissed off and whatever else you feel. I'm in a similar place where a lifelong self-esteem deficit makes me try to please people who don't matter and results in me feeling even worse about myself. By the time I realise I've slipped back into depression I'm totally overwhelmed and can't cope with life.

The realisation that I'm depressed is the first step and the first thing I need to work on. The things that I'm constantly thinking about can't be addressed until I crawl out of that pit. Things like weight and health can only be improved once my head is in a better place so it has to be my priority for a while. You can't do it all at once and thinking of everything you need to do will make it worse. Having a routine is fantastic and something I know I need but never could do.

Try to just focus on the depression for now unless there's something else that can't wait. Is there an underlying theme like pleasing people and wanting to be accepted that you can identify and work out how to change? I find writing things down and seeing them in black & white helps me identify behaviour patterns and work out ways I can manage them. It also gives power back to me instead of just wishing other people could treat me the way i want. I'm not currently in a good place either but I'm feeling much more hopeful now that I've put a bit of a plan in place. Relieving the depression will have a positive affect on my anxiety and in turn I'll be able to then focus on eating better and excercising more, with a flow on to my general health. I've done it before. When you think you have no chance of succeeding your motivation will suffer, so try to think about what you can do rather than what you can't. It's not easy but you just have to keep reminding yourself that your goal isn't to cure everything at once, but to deal with the first step, however small that may be. Acknowledge every step you take because it's something you couldn't do yesterday.

Motivation is a really hard thing to get when you think there's no point, which is why you have to stay realistic. As an example instead of giving yourself a goal to lose 20kg, you give yourself a goal of losing one, or half, or whatever. It's much more attainable and when you get there you can aim for the next one. It's the same idea but with your mental health instead. Set yourself an achievable goal and move on from there. Have a think about a what small changes you can make.

[MsPurple]

SKitz I completely understand the feeling of being emotionally broken. I am glad you are not suicidal, however you know if you ever need to talk to someone instantly on 1300224636.

Stillkicking has given some good ideas about motivation. Small achievable goals and not just looking at the big picture as it can be overwhelming.

I find after work my routine can vary day to day. Maybe having a few routines can be handy. Like M/W/F home cooking (with left overs), going for a walk and on T/Th have left overs/dinner out doing jobs around the house. Something like this maybe helpful without being too repetative. I find something like this has helped me.

Have you talked to your GP about your pain. Have they discussed pain management for bad days. With my mum when her pain was bad it could affect her anxiety. Maybe this could also something to bring up.

Also one thing to try is meditation. I do it for 10 minutes (probably every second night) before bed. I find it helps me sleep and de stress. It also helps me with anxiety during the day because I can take the skills I have learnt.

[BluBelle]

Hi Skitz, I identify with so much of what you have written. I battle against depression and PCOS too, and also have days where I just don't have the energy (or even care about) showering and eating properly. For a long time I have been wondering if it is my depression or my weight making me feel so flat. It's probably both. I decided to try the Keto diet, because apparently most of us with PCOS have insulin resistance and don't react well to carbs. I'd also heard it can give you mental clarity and focus, which I was desperate for. It's been six weeks, and although it hasn't been the miracle everyone online hyped it up to be, I've lost a reasonable amount of weight and don't feel quite so flat anymore. Plus it means I've been cooking for myself every day, which in itself is a big achievement for me! I'm still taking it fairly slowly, being kind to myself for those days where I just need to sit and stare at the TV, but I hope to start including more things that will help - like yoga or gentle exercise, seeing friends more often, meditation. I don't know if something like that interests you, but just sharing what has helped me.

[Skitz]

Thank you for sharing