How to tell my councilor I've been lying to her.

Em_

(TW: SH, suicidal thoughts, mentions of child abuse(not detailed))

So for context I'm a 15 year old girl (not saying where from as this is already too much info about me), who has had suicidal thoughts and has self harmed since August last year, trying to stop but not being able to for more than 5 days as the abuse from my parents put the thoughts back in my head and I do it again. Not to mention my parents are extremely religious and do not accept me being an atheist and also asexual (as I've recently discovered by my mother that being asexual means that I am apart of the LGBTQ+). my parents are mainly mad about me not believing in god, but also because I'm asexual and don't want to have kids of my own, but would rather adopt as there are so many kids out there who don't get adopted because people say that they are "too old", (in my parents mind, that means that they aren't getting any grandkids from me)

So I've been going to counseling at my school for almost a year now, (last year for a different topic, this year for family issues). Around the first or second session, my councilor asked me if I ever had self harm thoughts, self harmed myself, thought about killing myself, or trying to. I told her I have had suicidal thoughts and have only self harmed myself once. Here's the thing, I lied to her about that. I've self harmed many times before that and many times after that, but I never told her. This year I've been seeing her for counselling since about late February? And I never told her I have self harmed after because I was scared she would tell my parents and they would yell and hit me.

Anyways, I have another counselling session tomorrow to check in to see if my friends are keeping me happy and have been happy with my younger sibling.

So my question is, will you help me with trying to tell my councilor that I've been self harming about once a day?

(p.s. tell me if I spell words wrong, I'm fluent in English but have mild dyslexia and use an app that helps me but can get it wrong sometimes. you might not believe that I have dyslexia if I use big words but I've always been passionate about writing stories ever since I was younger so I've been writing them to escape my life and also to improve my grammar, haha.)

Sophie_M

Hey there, Em_,

Thank you so much for sharing with us here. We can hear you’ve been through some really difficult stuff and are feeling really worried about how much you should disclose to your school councilor. We’re really glad you could come and share this here, it’s not an easy thing to do and we really admire you doing so.

We’re reaching out to you privately to check you’re ok. In the meantime, we’d really encourage you to give us a call on the Beyond Blue Support Service on 1300 22 4636 to talk things through with the lovely counsellors there. A few more options are KidsHelpline on 1800 55 1800, Lifeline on 13 11 44, and Headspace on 1800 650 890. All of these options are also available through webchat, if you'd prefer:

If you feel like talking to one of our counsellors (phone or webchat), or perhaps even KidsHelpline, you should know that these calls are also confidential and cannot be shared with your family. However, if you do disclose an immediate risk, we will need to work with you to keep you safe.

Hopefully, you’ll hear from this lovely community soon. Maybe you could help them along by letting us know what kind of support you have at the moment, and if anyone around you is helpful or understanding with how you’re feeling?

Kind regards,
Sophie M

Earth Girl

Hi Em,

I'm sorry that your parents are very unsupportive and that they are mean to you. 😞

I think it's great that you want to adopt!

Just remember, you haven't done anything wrong by not telling your councilor everything. I'm sure if you explained to her why you didn't want to tell her the full story about you hurting yourself (because you are worried your parents will yell at you and hit you) (if you feel comfortable telling her this), she will understand and I'm quite sure she wouldn't tell them about it because she wouldn't want them to hurt you over it and she would know that telling them about it would make things worse for you.

If the main thing you are struggling with in terms of this, is you feel uncomfortable about telling her, you could send her an email and in it, ask her if you could talk about something you've been meaning to tell her about what's going on and ask if you could talk about it first before you get into the things you two were planning to talk about next time or in the next session, you could let her know that there was something you were meaning to tell her about and you were wondering if you could talk about it first. It will be good if she knows because it will let her know more about the type of support she can provide you.

Also, from what I can tell, your grammar seems pretty good. It's good that you're so into writing because it sounds like it helps with your English and it's cool that you like to write. 🙂

Guest_10472

Hi Em

I'm glad you se a counsellor I wish I had at school age. I agree with the other 2 posts. I would tell your counsellor when you feel comfortable enough to. I would focus on managing day by day & at your age not wanting children is fine- I never wanted children & I actually never changed my mind about this. I would just accept who you are & there is probably no need to focus on how you feel really different to your parents. Your allowed your own ideas for yourself & in time when an adult can live as you choose to. Personally I believe in a higher power & that doesn't stop me from being who I am. I feel when I was your age I felt like I wanted a lot of answers to life & now at 48 I believe life unfolds & decisions can be made as you age.

I have never self harmed so cannot advise. I have / often felt really awful though - depressed, hopeless, scared of my future - now I write down how I'm feeling. Pages!

I would talk to a supportive person who can understand how your feeling.