How to help a friend as well as yourself?

[Tatsuki]

I was diagnosed with depression in early 2012. During 2013 I was fine, I had some ups and downs but nothing too serious. Then 2014 came around, and I've slowly been slipping. A couple of my friends know about it, and when I told my now ex-boyfriend he simply didn't want to deal with it and left. I don't want to tell my family because I'm scared they'll treat me differently, but it's starting to affect my life in more ways then it ever has before. I struggle to find reasons to leave my house and I've barely been to uni. 

Now one of my close friends, who's been helping me cope, has recently told me they're suffering as well. I don't know how to be there and look after them if I can barely look after myself. I don't know how to be strong. 

Some days are better than others, I've been feeling ok the past few days. But I know it's just a matter of time before I fall back down the rabbit hole. 

Please help 

[Neil_1]

Dear Tatsuki

Firstly, I'd like to Welcome you to Beyond Blue and thank you for providing your post.

Also, what a fantastic friend you are - to be reaching out to assist your friend who is also struggling.

In 2012, were you provided with some alternative kinds of assistance?   Professional help - in the form of GP's or even psyche appointments?   Were you also on any medications?  

With regard to telling your family, that's really a totally individual thing - and it's also extremely difficult to determine how certain family members will respond.  Do you have a close sibling, that you feel might be good to try them out as a first port of call?

At this present time, have you sort out any GP appointments - in a similar kind of vein I'm asking here, as to what I asked above.

I really think that you need to help yourself first, before you can project the kind of assistance that you would like to give to your friend.

Perhaps as you receive more responses to this thread, you may in fact be a little better advised in order to give "some" advice to your friend.

Another option too is to check out other posts here - and you may also pick up other mechanisms to help not only you, but your friend also.

Would love to hear back from you.

Kind regards

Neil

[Tatsuki]

Hi Neil,

Thank you for your response, I'm glad there are people who I can reach out to on here.

Back in 2012 I was referred to a psychologist by my local GP, who then referred me to a psychiatrist. She recommended I take medication, something I wish I had done looking back. Me being the young, brash 18 year old I was, thought I could handle everything on my own. I haven't seen a professional in a long time. 

My family knows I've suffered from this in the past, but I don't think they understand it fully. They think it's all in my head.(Which is partially true) I'm not particularly close with anyone in my family, mostly because if I do something stupid, then maybe they'll be affected less by it. 

I've been meaning to go to a GP the past couple of weeks, and I'll probably book an appointment next week.

My friends situation is a little different to mine, but they won't tell anyone else and I feel like I'm the only one keeping them afloat, so I have to be there for them. 

I've been coping by going for runs and increasing my physical activity, something that's surprisingly helped a lot. I usually hate sports and such haha!   

Thank you again for your response, hope all is well with you

Kind regards

Tatsuki                                                                                            

[Neil_1]

Dear Tatsuki

Great to hear back from you and also very pleasing to read that you've begun to take on some physical activity.  YES, it really does help.  And has amazing side effects/benefits as well - in that it gets you fitter and at night time, you're just that little bit more tired so it "can" assist with getting too, or just sleeping.

Great also to read about the upcoming GP appointment - for next week right?  Great. 🙂

Now one thing DID concern me however, when you mentioned you weren't close to your family as that could be a factor if you did something stupid.  I can only think you were meaning the awful terrible thing of possibly taking your life.  I hope I'm wrong here - but if you are thinking down those channels - first and foremost, you've got people here to talk too;   but as well, at the top of each page on Beyond Blue there is the crisis phone number to call;   or Lifeline as well.  There is nothing more important than this subject if someone is going down this road.  Everything else just is dropped and that person is the major focus of concern.

I do hope you can write back soon to let us know that you're not really at that stage.  And would just love to hear back from you anyway.  How many times have you been out for a run?   I love running, it's great - just you and your own self to while away some time, seeing different sites and getting fit.  And it's a great to ponder things through your head as well.

Kind regards

Neil

[Tatsuki]

Dear Neil, 

Thanks for your response again! 

I've been running for the past week, at least once a day for 30 minutes. It's really great just to get outside and have some time to myself. Plus the weathers been really nice lately, so that's a bonus!! I hope I can continue with this, as it honestly has helped a lot.

Unfortunately, yes, you were right in assuming that I've thought about suicide. It's not something I like to admit, but sometimes I feel like there's no way out. The main problem that causes my depression is something that I can never change as it's a physical condition, and lately I've realised that I will probably take my life because of it. It almost feels as if I've accepted that fact, and am waiting for the day where I finally snap. It's a sad and indeed sickening thought, but that is honestly how I feel. But right now I seem to be on top of things, and am working to keep it that way for as long as I can. 

Thank you for the information you provided, I'm sure if I or anyone else I know needs it, I will be sure to access it.

I've been going to university again on most days, and am enjoying the time I spend with friends and family. I feel it's good to surround yourself with people who have a positive impact on you. 

Thanks again,

Kind regards

Tatsuki

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.