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BeyondBlue Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started
  • replies: 0

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for ... View more

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for coming this far, we know it can be really hard to take these steps if depression is in your life - we see you and think this is a great step. To get the most out of this space we have a few tips: Get involved. The Forums work best for you when you get active and post where you can. Now, we know that can be really hard, especially when you are experiencing depression. So, if you can post something supportive to someone else here, that would be an incredible start. Speak from the heart. This community wants to know how YOU feel and what has worked for YOU. We trust that you have something unique to say and we can’t wait to hear it. Check in. Lots of the discussions in this section of the Forums have been going for years and they are some of the richest conversations we have. Keep checking in to get new ideas and offer your support. We know it can be tough to start, but when you are ready we want to hear your thoughts. If you need some time to get to know the community, that's okay! Have a look around and see where you want to get involved. Thank you for being here! Beyond Blue

Jeriava How do I talk to my doctor?
  • replies: 9

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really ... View more

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really scared that they’ll judge me or won’t believe anything I say. I’m really anti social so I feel like I won’t be able to say what I wanna say or I’ll say the wrong thing causing them to just dismiss me and move me along without helping. I’m just tired of feeling alone, depressed and just worthless but I’m really scared to talk to them.

AGrace SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION
  • replies: 132

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the ... View more

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the 5 senses Distress Tolerance – Accepting Emotions and Self Soothing Distraction – Put the thoughts/feelings aside and come back to them when you are ready to deal with them Positive Affirmations – Have some affirmations written down repeat them to yourself daily Sleep/Exercise/Diet – All 3 aspects of our lifestyle can impact the way we think/feel Increasing Pleasurable Activities – Engage in at least one pleasurable activity per day

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MrsCam It must appear I'm being lazy but it's just too much effort
  • replies: 14

hubby & I are supposed to be going out socially this evening but I just dont feel like it... I manage to put on a happy face at work through the week but tonite it just feels like too much effort... I think hubby might b annoyed with me... I have not... View more

hubby & I are supposed to be going out socially this evening but I just dont feel like it... I manage to put on a happy face at work through the week but tonite it just feels like too much effort... I think hubby might b annoyed with me... I have not tried to stop him from going at all, in fact I have encouraged him to go which im pretty sure he will but I still feel like Im letting him down... I did no study or housework today even though I was supposed to do both... I know it appears to him that I am just being lazy but at the moment it is all just too much effort... I only got dressed today cos I wanted junk food so I needed to go to the shop, otherwise I wouldve stayed in my pjs all day... even now i am in my bed with my laptop even tho it is only 6:30pm... I know I probably should make the effort.....

butterfly2009 my partner cops alot of my down times
  • replies: 3

Hi all, i am new to this forum but am feeling tonight like I really needed to get some answers or some insight as to how I have been feeling.... I dont know if its depression... or not.. or anxiety... or not...I guess I have a bit if a long story but... View more

Hi all, i am new to this forum but am feeling tonight like I really needed to get some answers or some insight as to how I have been feeling.... I dont know if its depression... or not.. or anxiety... or not...I guess I have a bit if a long story but... I just feel empty all the time, I feel like i am not good at anything I attempt and then I feel like a failure when I think i should try something else to see if I am better at that ( I am talking about my job here) I am 27 and have pretty much started a new job every 1.5 to 2 years changing careers or changing companies, It seems like when the pressure gets too much I look for something else. I am not a lazy worker by any means i am more of a perfectionist if anything and i put alot of pressure on myself... i always have in everything i do. I am currently working for a man whos way of working involves putting alot of pressure on me and expects overtime to be worked to pretty much keep your job (its very wrong I know) he likes to pick at things and put you on the spot, i feel nervous as soon as I hear him walk in the door and feel giddy in the head sometimes at work when I know he is there and my heart races. ..... I feel the answer is to get another job but then i feel like a failure, like i am giving up when the times get tough once again.... I have a partner who I have been with for 8 years. He says he supports me and wants me to get another job but then tonight when I was discussing how I was feeling down because I have to go to work tomorrow he snapped at me and said it was so annoying talking about this all the time, that all I talk about is my boss and that I should be positive. My partner works away and I dont see him for 4 weeks at a time so we only talk on the phone... as soon as the conversation was over i burst into tears and cried for about 30mins... I just feel really unsupported i think. .... i lost my mum 5 years ago to breast cancer and I dont have her to speak to about alot of things i guess which makes venting harder.. my partner cops alot of my down times.... on top of all the work stress I am constantly thinking i am going to get breast cancer and cant get it out of my head. I dont have feelings of suicide or anything but I just feel like... I am .... useless... worthless... and now... annoying. I feel like ok, I cant talk to my partner about feeling down anymore because its annoying him... i dont know what else I have to talk about..... I dont know what makes me happy besides my dog... I know I have family and friends but its hard to see past the things that get me down most of the time. As I mentioned earlier my partner works away and you would think I would jump all over him the second I see him but I have lost interest in being intimate and am tired most of the time... I spent most of my long weekend lying on the lounge in and out of naps.... I dont know maybe I am just in a rut.... but I just wanted to see if anyone else can relate to this or if I am just being dramatic. I am feeling a little lost now I dont feel I can talk to my partner... Sorry for this very LONG post but i needed to get this out. Hope someone can help!

Madraykin Everyone around me seems to have such optimism and energy
  • replies: 1

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety about 4 months ago, although I should've probably been diagnosed 15 years ago (I'm 30, so half my life). It was a relief to know that there was something wrong with me, and that it wasn't just that I couldn... View more

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety about 4 months ago, although I should've probably been diagnosed 15 years ago (I'm 30, so half my life). It was a relief to know that there was something wrong with me, and that it wasn't just that I couldn't cope with life while everyone else could. Four months of therapy and medication, and I'm just as bad as ever. I've tried changing my diet, and exercising as well, but everything seems to be in vain. I thought once I had a diagnoses, my friends would try to be a little more patient with me. But it's been the opposite. One of them said that if I was on a downward spiral, that I shouldn't take them down with me. This was said in a group, and no-one stepped in. It was like they all just agreed. It was a complete contrast to a few years ago, when one of our friends found out they had a physical illness. Everyone said they'd do whatever they could for him. But with me, since it's "just all in my head" - it's like it doesn't count. I feel so alone. I live alone, I go to work (where I barely speak to anyone), I come home and go straight to bed. I just want to shut everything out and sleep. I've never been this unconfident, unsure of myself. I'm at that age where most of my social circle are getting married, having kids, doing well in their careers, getting promoted, going on amazing adventures. And I feel like I've just let life pass me by, being miserable and cooped up, too afraid of doing something wrong. I'm terrible in social situations but when I do speak to people, I trip over my words, forget common words, etc. Then in my head I go over and over and OVER what I did wrong and just want to avoid dealing with people at all. I don't like my job, so I tried to change careers into something else, but I've been told I'm terrible at it. I'm too afraid to try anything new because with most things, I do ok as a beginner, but when you get to the point where you should be starting to go up the learning curve, I drop back and flatline. I'm getting nowhere with therapy, and the meds aren't working. I'm tired, exhausted, and worried this will be my future until the end. Everyone around me seems to have such optimism and energy, I want that. I want to have a smile on my face, and wake up and actually want to get out of bed. I'm tired of crying on my drive home from work, and waking up with puffy eyes from crying all night. I'm upset that I've wasted most of my life not really living

ann_s For years I have actually WANTED to be diagnosed with depression
  • replies: 6

So here's a weird thing. For years I have actually WANTED to be diagnosed with depression. I have no idea why. It's not because I wanted to understand what was going on (partially yes), I think it's because I've always wanted to feel special in some ... View more

So here's a weird thing. For years I have actually WANTED to be diagnosed with depression. I have no idea why. It's not because I wanted to understand what was going on (partially yes), I think it's because I've always wanted to feel special in some way and not be like everyone else. So when I went to the doctor and she actually took me seriously I was a bit surprised but relieved. But then I've started looking online at stuff about bi-polar because it sounds much sexier than boring old depression. I also have deliberately not told (many) other people, but have secretly hoped they find out by accident and that this will somehow make what is going on far more serious/significant. Why the hell am I thinking like this? Is there something else wrong with me (you know I'm hoping everyone will say yes don't you... LOL). Anyway, would be interested to know if anyone else had thoughts like this. I really need to see a psychologist soon.... only a week away.

Starz Having trouble trusting my own head
  • replies: 5

so a bit of background (short I promise!). Just prior to being diagnosed with depression about 7 weeks ago I felt like the whole world was hurting me. Everyone and everything. I was hiding in my closet because that was the place I could go where only... View more

so a bit of background (short I promise!). Just prior to being diagnosed with depression about 7 weeks ago I felt like the whole world was hurting me. Everyone and everything. I was hiding in my closet because that was the place I could go where only my own thoughts were hurting me. It was so painful just to be me that all I could deal with was me. I was having a lot of issues with my partner because it felt like everything he was doing was mean and hurtful when in reality I was so delicate that anything was hurting me. After starting to take AD's this improved vastly, and for 5 weeks it went well, with one change in medication in there. 2 weeks ago I changed to a 3rd to try to alleviate some side effects. This last week has been a gradual slide back to where I was. But the thing is I didn't realise it until I was way down low again. It is making it hard to trust my own thoughts and reactions as I don't know if what I feel is real hurt or if it is magnified hurt. Does this make any sense? I am so lucky to have an amazingly supportive partner. But I am finding it hard at the moment, he asks how my head is and I honestly don't feel like I even know. I am questioning myself constantly. Dr has increased my dose of the 3rd AD to see if it was just the dose was too low, she tried an initial small dose to see if it would lesson side effects and I am on day 3 of increased dose. How do I ever trust how I feel?

Kozzie Why am I feeling like this
  • replies: 4

So confused ... I dont understand why Im feeling this way, all I know is that i am. Particularly bad today.

So confused ... I dont understand why Im feeling this way, all I know is that i am. Particularly bad today.

Starz Do you tell people? If so how?
  • replies: 8

37 year old female here who just started on AD's about 7 weeks ago (onto my 3rd different one as there have been some side effect issues). My question to people is in regard to telling people about your depression, close family, friends etc. I've tol... View more

37 year old female here who just started on AD's about 7 weeks ago (onto my 3rd different one as there have been some side effect issues). My question to people is in regard to telling people about your depression, close family, friends etc. I've told my mum, only because I was upset when my Dr suggested I take AD's and needed my mummy I haven't told either of my sisters, but we're very close and I feel like I am hiding something from them, we talk every week and it's a big change in my life that I haven't discussed with them. But I just can't think how to tell them. I've always played my part very well, my family don't live close and over the years I have worked out how to get around their questions of how I am by talking about work and changing the subject, or brushing the questions off, so they really have no idea. It would be a huge shock to them.

Mr_Notsostrong All of my depression is related to money
  • replies: 1

Hi, this is my first post. Iv been struggling with depression and anxiety for the past 10+ years, i have been on many different medications, visited many hospitals and mental health clinics but I'm still fighting a losing battle with the dreaded blac... View more

Hi, this is my first post. Iv been struggling with depression and anxiety for the past 10+ years, i have been on many different medications, visited many hospitals and mental health clinics but I'm still fighting a losing battle with the dreaded black dog! I had a treatment of ECT last year which helped short term but Im now back in the same dark place that i call my life. All of my depression is related to money (or the lack of) and this compounding with my depression is causing a very unhappy relationship with my wife and daughter even though they are very supportive. Every day at work is a massive struggle but I know I have to be there as we are on the verge of selling our house or becoming bankrupt. With this stress upon my shoulders I feel a tremendous amount of guilt that exaggerates my feeling of anxiety and depression. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow and I'm afraid that I will be admitted to hospital again for more ECT which means 2 weeks off work (unpaid) and this will be the beginning of selling our home!

Saadie My employer made me see a psychologist
  • replies: 6

Hi, I've just discovered the forum aspect to beyond blue and thought I'd try be brave enough to get the advice I'm so desperately craving. I'm not sure how to write what I'm feeling but I'm going to give it a shot. Basically, I am terrified. So much ... View more

Hi, I've just discovered the forum aspect to beyond blue and thought I'd try be brave enough to get the advice I'm so desperately craving. I'm not sure how to write what I'm feeling but I'm going to give it a shot. Basically, I am terrified. So much has happened in the last few months and I'm struggling to make sense of it. It's all so overwhelming. Just before Christmas, I was confronted by a work colleague about my apparent change in behaviour. I insisted I was fine but a few days later was approached again. Since then, it has been a whirlwind of chaos. Anyway, earlier this year, my employer made me see a psychologist. That in itself was difficult. I refused to go back. I've been finding things getting harder and harder. I can't concentrate at work. I can't sleep. I wake up every hour. I'msad, all of the time. This has been going on for about 6 months but the last month has been the hardest. I spoke to the colleague again and found myself back at the psychologist. She now wants me to see a psychiatrist. I am literally terrified. I have never dealt with anything. I also grew up with a drug addicted sister, abusive brother, and alcoholic/absent father. I was abused as a child. I am drinking a lot. I am having thoughts about how easy it would be to just end everything. I don't want to. But I can't escape the thoughts. I am so scared. I'm completely numb to everything. Apart from the occasional tears. I catch myself thinking about how easy it would be to just, let go. To leave. Tonight has been hard. I've been anxious and scared. Sad and jumpy at the slightest noises. Please, someone tell me it will be ok. The only person I trust is my work colleague and I have leant on her too much already.

Esther123 Battling the black heavy mist
  • replies: 3

I feel that all to familiar black heavy mist consuming my soul, my body, my thoughts, my moods. I can't fight it now, I'm tired. My thoughts sit in my fatigued head, my heart physically hurts. I open my mouth but all those words spewing out of me lik... View more

I feel that all to familiar black heavy mist consuming my soul, my body, my thoughts, my moods. I can't fight it now, I'm tired. My thoughts sit in my fatigued head, my heart physically hurts. I open my mouth but all those words spewing out of me like I'm auto pilot are not me. Who am I anymore? Its been so long I can't remember who I was! Why does this dark pain never go to that place in my head that my heart, soul and me seems to be hiding. I have fought this for too long and I'm tired. I sit and think how I just want to get in my car and just disappear. I can't carry this pain anymore, I can't keep putting my family through me and my darkness. I want my children to not have a memory of their mum being this shell, I'm sure they look deep into my eyes and struggle to see my soul. But I smile and continue to be that strange person who looks at me in the mirror. How many more tears can fall silently from my eyes before I face what I know is the answer to all this pain becoming nothing more than a distant memory. My name is Esther, I have a husband that I feel everyday is drifting away from me, he is busy and constantly reminds me that he is so busy, too busy for me. The motions always move smoothly, he does support me. But I can't stand seeing his face again and again as he looks at me like I'm a wounded animal that he knows he can fix. I only show him parts of me now, and yet he does bit noticed that his wife is slowly dying inside. I can't remember the last time he gently held me and made me feel like no one else existed. My name is Esther , I have two children 8 and 15, I go through the motions but what use is a mum that can't get out of bed on her days off to be an active participant in their lives. This is the person they shall forever remember. My name is Esther, I work but I go through the motions there. My name is Esther and I was diagnosed 2 yrs ago with this soul destroying debilitating illness depression. I was going ok and have gone down in the last 6 months. My dark thoughts are becoming more regular, I find my self whispering that my uselessness would not be missed. I have not posted on here for some time.