How do you cope?

[Mozzie89]

I was just wondering if i could get some ideas on how to cope with feeling down? I mean its easy enough to read all the stuff on the web but is there someing that really helps you? I find i have no energy to do anything and it takes me ages to get up and go. What kind of rewards do you give yourselfs? Chocolate, a night out? 

[White_Rose]

Dear Mozzie

Welcome to Beyond Blue. I hope you will continue to post and find some answers to your questions. We are the experts in many ways because we live with depression, which makes everyone's experience valid and worthwhile listening to.

Whatever works for you is an appropriate reward.

How do I get out of bed in the morning? I set goals for myself and make appointments with people. For example, I will get up and be dressed by a stated time. I cannot get on the computer to do the things I like before I am dressed.

I make arrangements to do things outside of my home or for people to visit. Not lots of these but if I have given my word, I will do it. If I just say I will sweep the floor, for example, it doesn't work because I can always find a reason to leave it no matter how dirty it is. So by asking friends to visit for morning tea or whatever, I need to sweep unless I want to feel ashamed of my dirty house. Now everyone has different priorities in their lives so  it's matter of working out what motivates you.

Often the reward is that you have completed a task.  I feel good when I have at least done part of of it. I finally got my car serviced although it should have been done six months ago. A pretty straight forward task. Just phone and make an appointment then take the car and wait until it's done.  I had every reason under the sun not to do it. And none of them were real or logical, I just lacked the energy. So it was a red letter day last Friday.

Because I had some energy I also made a dentist appointment, got my air conditioning serviced and went to see the podiatrist. Now I feel absolutely exhausted. But I have done these things that have been nagging at me for months and I feel much better.

I look forward to your next post.

Regards

LING

[Mares73]

Dear Mozzie depression can cause many side effects such as loss of hope, lack of motivation, isolation & procrastination. Things can just build up until you feel overwhelmed. In terms of what to do when your having a low patch-different things work for different. People. But some of the things my psychiatrist has suggested do help. For example distraction, diversion & doing. By this I mean physically go into a different room, try do something you enjoy. Reading for even half an hour when your down can change your headspace. Or put on some television. Do you have a journal-that's a great way to get out tour feelings. Do you have any particular hobbies or interests? Sometimes I know myself I can become so isolated & lonely just not motivated to venture outside. But I've heard over & over again that the best thing to do when you least feel like it is to force yourself dressed & out of house & go for a walk. It really does help when you distract yourself by doing something so that your thoughts don't keep spiralling down. There are also a few great books-one I found really good was "The Happiness Trap". But if your going to read such a book, maybe try reading in a park or somewhere outside of 4 walls. it is typical of depression to find it hard to even be bothered to get dressed unless you have a purpose. I've often spent more time in my pjs than it actually making the effort to get dressed. As hard as it may feel just try set yourself a small goal each day ie get dressed & just aim for one thing whether its going to the shop to buy your favourite chocolate, reading a chapter of a book, cooking, writing in a journal, reading a magazine, contacting a friend & so on. Just one task each day that doesn't make you feel worse & is something you are doing for yourself.   Does any of those suggestions help? Hope to hear back from you. X Mares

[Mozzie89]

Hi Ling & Mares,

Thanks so much for the advice. I lost my job about a few months ago and its been really hard to keep going because I keep getting rejection letters. The days that i have an interview are alright because there is a reason that i have to get up and get dressed. 

I enjoy reading and music. But its hard to see them as rewards. I can sit and read a book for hours on end and then get upset because my house is a mess. Its just so confusing!

Right now Ive been up and gone to the vet to drop my dog off and now because i cleaned the house yesterday i have nothing to do. Its to cold and rainy to go for a walk and all i have seemed to be doing lately is watching TV or movies which i am totally over doing.

Because i don't work and all of my friends do i feel like i have no one to talk to during the day. i don't want to become a burden and call my friends when there at work. so then i sit here in my own head which isn't a good thing at all, and talk to myself all day.

i have thought about going and seeing someone but because i have no job, i have no money, and the little that i get from centrelink wouldn't be enough to cover it either. is there a free service in Canberra that you know of?

i just feel that im all over the shop. even as im writing this i want to go back and delete everything that i have written because it all sounds so bizarre and sounds attention seeking. i just feel so hopeless and don't know what to do!

i do keep a journal, mainly for when i cant sleep. i will write down what is in my head and it normally feels that its gone from my mind and then i can get to sleep. i just feel lost and confused and i just dont see what the point of trying anymore is.

i know that im a good worker and i know that i can do these jobs that im applying for but it just seems that i cant catch a break, part of the reason i lost my job is because i was 'moody' this was becasuse at the end of the month i had reports to run and if i was intturpted i would have to start again, they knew this but they still innturpted me.. it was so annoying! once i told my manager she just said oh its ok. just leave it with me. 2 days later *bam* gone. this is such crap.. i dont know what to do

[AGrace]

Hi Mozzie,

A really good question to pose, and you've picked the best community to ask.

The others have already given some great advice, and I'm in complete agreeance with their suggestions. 

For me the first step was deciding on a time to go to bed (10:30pm), a time to wake up (7am), and a time to get out of bed (7:30am). This was difficult at first but got a lot easier after a week or so. Im conscious of trying to stick to these times on the weekends as well.

The 2nd step was to commit to using my bed for sleep and sex only, so between 7:30am and 10:15pm I can use any other piece of furniture to relax except my bed. Its now winter so setting the heater to come on low by 7:30am means I'm not tempted to stay in bed to keep warm. Have breakfast as soon as you get up and shower immediately after.

In the beginning I made a big list of things I might like to do during the day. You want to have things that help you gain a sense of achievement, a sense of contribution,  a sense of relaxation, and a sense of pleasure. Once I had the list I scheduled things in for a 1 week period. So my calendar might look like:

Monday: Out patient program 10-2, Cooking 5-6

Tuesday: Coffee with friend 10-12

Wednesday: Grocery shopping, clean bathroom

Thursday: Out patient program 10-2

Friday:

Saturday: Walk 9-9:30, movie with friend 2-4

Sunday: Grocery shopping

So there's not something on every hour of every day, and there's a mix of things I like, and some I dont like but have to get done. I always leave 1 day a week free because if I have a really low day it gives me an opportunity to reschedule items rather than not doing them at all.

Allocate 20 minutes a week to get your calendar setup,  that includes time for actually contacting people to make appointments. 

I also try to spend at least 1/2hr outside every day, the fresh air does wonders.

Lastly when you have a small burst of energy try to get a few things done. For example if I clean the bathroom, rather than sitting down straight after, I move straight onto packing the dishwasher and preparing dinner. Otherwise by the time I sit down I may find it difficult to get started on these thing later.

In terms of rewards they vary for me. Chocolate, dinner out with my partner, a new piece of clothing, 1/2 a day to just watch movies, a holiday, a massage etc.

Let us know what you think. 

AGrace

[Mozzie89]

Hi agrace

Thanks for that. I have found all your posts helpful. I am goibg to allocate 20 mins to get a schedule down for me tomorrow and I will go from there. 

Thanks so much. Im feeling really positive about starting this! 

[AGrace]

Fantastic:)

Don't forget sometimes action needs to proceed motivation, but if you need help with getting motivated let us know. you might even want to reward yourself for putting the schedule in place.

AGrace