Trying not to cry. Feeling soo down and depressed :'(

Chloekat84 · ‎13-07-2014

I don't know how to start I'm getting very angry easily especially with my son and family who are getting on my nerves about little things when I have been doing good they don't see that. I don't know if it's my new meds but I just wanna cry and crawl into a hole. I hate feeling like this. I've posted on here b4 and I was coping alrite earlier but it just takes one negative comment or my son to not listen to me and I'm a complete mess and everyone sees it. I'm sick of feeling soo helpless to this condition and really need to see my psychiatrist who I'm following up on with my GP tomoro. I just need to calm down. I love my son dearly but the thought of having him for another week makes me feel sick, anxious and depressed. I feel like a failure as a mum to think that. Really need some positive outlooks and or plan for the next few days to keep myself and my son busy during the school holidays that doesn't include money as that is a big problem atm. Feeling hopeless

white knight · ‎13-07-2014

Hi CK,

Recently
I bacame aware of new studies that found that depression needs to go through its course before improvement can take place. This means that you might feel you need to "snap out of it" or as I thought- inject somw positive thinking and strategies....and they could have the opposite effect.

So you need to be patient. Dont struggle with it in desperation. Try to accept and explain to your family they must accept also- that this condition is not an overnight affair. When you feel its time, you can introduce those things of motivation.

In the meantime you need also to accpet your family wont fully understand what you are going through. I've found that once I've come to this realisation....it is easier for me to sit back and view their position with more clarity. They are not to blame...naivity is not their fault. It's like...us trying to understand how life would be with some physical injuries.

Hang in there CK. You will be ok. A tip....break your environment. My wife and I, when we have tension we change our surroundings, go for a walk, have a coffee on the verandah, go to the beach. its works. cyber hug

Guest_9689 · ‎13-07-2014

Hi chloe. I know this feeling of anger and frustration well, it comes from the feeling that you want others to recognise the fact that you are doing good. Unfortunately, people can tend to focus on the negative things more as that is often what triggers more of an emotional response than the positives. I am guilty of this myself, I did this today by pointing out the concrete spilling out from the bricks my partner put down for our new garden bed instead of praising him for actually cutting and laying the bricks. I'm sure you can point out instances where you have focused on the negatives too.

The best advice I have is to take a small amount of time (1hr is ideal but at least half an hour) to reflect. I like to go for a walk as I find it really clears my head. During this time I think about all of the things I'm grateful for. I also imagine things I don't have yet but want, as if I already have them, and imagine that I am grateful for them too. I find that by the end of my walk I'm actually looking forward to seeing my partner, as you may with your son and family. If you focus on positives yourself, others around you will start to be more positive. It might help you to feel happier and enjoy the time with your son. Life is short so we have to appreciate the moments we have with those around us.

I hope this advice helps in some small way. Hang in there, there's always a way up from the lowest depths. It sounds like you have gotten out of the darkness before, so think about how you did that and apply the same strategies.

I also think doing some structured activities will help not only to keep your son occupied but to help interrupt the negative thoughts too! Google activities to do with him, the Internet id a goldmine of information! Xx

geoff · ‎14-07-2014

dear Chloekat, the throes of what depression can throw at us, it's really unbelievable the damage it can cause us, and those who have been through it only know.

I would google the medication and see what the side-effects could be from these are, and from what you are describing may put your mind at ease, well not really, but it may explain that what you are saying could from them.

You have to remember that depression can make us have terrible moods, it's not you, it's this illness, so try and walk away, because any argument will only make you feel worst, although I know what kids are like, and do we ever win, although it gives them something to think about. L Geoff. x

hopless_amp_helpless · ‎14-07-2014

Hi Chloekat,

I can relate to your feelings of anger and frustration. I used to cry and get angry at the drop of a hat and my boyfriend at the time used to cop the brunt of it from me.

I understand you're feeling hopeless so I really hope that you're psychiatrist can help you.

It sounds like you a re feeling quite unstable emotionally at the moment and that is probably due to your medication.

You obviously love your son so please don't say your a failure as a mum. It's hard enough to me a Mum without anxiety and depression to deal with.

I'm not a Mum myself but I may be able to suggest some activities for you to do together...

How old is he?

Do you have any old cardboard boxes lying around? Maybe you could build a castle and make some card board swords and be a knight and a queen!

Are there any parks near you? Maybe you could kick a soccer ball around with him or a football?

Do you have photo albums to show him? or even home movies?

Why not go for a bike ride or a walk somewhere together

Shopping centres often have free shows on in school holidays, so it may be worth checking out!

Maybe you could look through your garage and see if there is anything you can sell in a garage sale!

Do you have any board games at home? What about DVD's?

I hope this helps.

Take care ~ Kylz

AGrace · ‎15-07-2014

Hi Chloekat,

I'm sad to hear you're struggling, I've seen a few of your posts recently and you've offered some great advice.

It's a very invalidating feeling when you don't feel appreciated or listened to. Sometimes because of genetics, environment, upbringing, low mood, we can be even more sensitive to invalidation. This is when we start to get frustrated by the little things.

In my experience it's best to let yourself really acknowledge the emotion. Think in your mind so this is anger or thjs is sadness etc. Once you've identified how you feel allow it to be there. Take a few deep breaths. Feeling anger or any other emotion wont hurt you or anyone else. Struggling with an emotion will only cause secondary suffering.

I can imagine with having a child home on holidays there's not much time to relax. Mindfulness or Meditation are really helpful in distressing times. My favourite is a youtube clip called 8 minutes to calm, it literally goes for less than 8mins. I do this am and pm. It's my 8mins of ME time.

How did you go with your GP? I hope you were able to follow up your Psychiatrist.

Ok, so you have your son home for the week and you need some activities. Im not sure how old he is but I'll make some suggestions. I know Kylz has made some great ones already. When you pick the activities choose one's with various timing, and write them on a white board or paper. Various times means if you need him to fo something for 5mins you have an option, likewise for a full day etc. Write them down so you don't have to wake up in the morning thinking of what to do.

Use a box to create a storage garage for toy cars, use pieces of butchers paper to colour in a map or racetrack for the cars to ride on

Painting. Anything can be painted. Paper, furniture, the front fence, a wall in his bedroom

Check your local library and community centre for school holiday ptograms. These are usually free

Take a drive up to the hills or to the beach. Pack some things for lunch

Setup a tent outside, or if you dont have one, make a tent indoors. Put some bedding inside so it can be used at night

Organise a play date with a neighbor or school friend. Sometimes it's best to offer your place one day and the friend's another

Play a sport or game at your local park

Start a collection of something. Coins, stamps, footy cards etc

I hope you've found this useful. Don't forget we are always here.

AGrace