highs and lows

[fifi]

smack back to reality bam that kinda hurt ! feeling so blah tonight tearing up over nothing ect let down yet again and used by those who are supposed to love me 😞 pretty sad really . so all of this is probably sounding really vague i guess i should explain long story short there is more than a few problems within my family unit its funny we are all as mental as each other and i love them but i am so over getting hurt my brother recently became a father any way there had been lets just say issues between us due to a lot of very valid reasons any way mum rang him to convince him to make peace with me blah blah blah so we spoke via message and kind of made peace i still have alot of hurt in my heart that needs to heal before i could fully forgive him . So he says that he is going to send me a photo of his son my late grandfathers name sake that in itself is a little hard to swallow but we breath.Still no photos no message no anything . now this is where mum comes into it sitting at work she called to tell me about the phone conversation ok whatever and then it clicked and she as good as admitted it without even realising it that the only reason she wanted to heal the broken relationship was for her own gain my brother lives in Sweden and mum has not seen the baby yet. insert fiona here I live next door and i have the internet and a Facebook account to be honest i feel so broken right now that its scary . don't even know what to think any more 😞 to make matters worse i have run out of anti depressants so have missed today's dose so didn't need that on top of everything else feeling all kinds of crazy dont know what i have ever done in my life to make people treat me like they do and especially my family my flesh and blood heart broken 😞

[Neil_1]

Dear Fifi  

Holy smoke – that’s bloody not fair at all – um, speaking via message – is that just typing stuff?  

Before you did the messaging thing, how long had it been since the two of you had contact?   And I don’t need to know, but it must have been some situation that caused the rift.   I too have a similar situation, in that a rift with a brot – nah, I can’t even write it – that’s how messed up I am.  Needless to say, since there’s been no contact with him, I’ve felt so much better.   And his um, ahhhh, let me just say, the person he’s married too.  Good couple really, when you think about it.  

And Mum still wants us to make up and stuff – but the stuff that he did leading up to and around the time that my dad passed away (2007), I’ll never forgive.  And that’s where that lays.  

However, IF I had experienced something like you have just had to go through – at times I have this vindictive streak in me and for me, I’d personally want to make things right again – right in my mind.  I’d message him again and say “Hey, you know the other day – well, I was just joking, why don’t you go and …”   Um, sorry if that’s a little too over the top.  My partner would be shaking her head at that little tantrum kind of display of mine.  

But there’s no two ways about it – your mum had her motives – why on earth cannot she phone up and say send me a photo?  

Sorry, I’m a bit fired up this arve and I don’t know why.  

Kind regards  

Neil  

[fifi]

Hi Neil ,

feeling you man lol only just got my meds after 2 days so am felling a little funky 😛 And yes talking through message is just typing stuff i am not big on verbal communication you gotta love anxiety . As for my brother the last time we seen him was in march april last year and that was pretty much it no messages happy birthday posts he had replied to very few of the messages that both jeff and i had sent him . So time went on and we felt that he had made his choice so we would be civil when the need arose and just leave it at that . in the midst of all of this his wife fell pregnant (obviously a sore point due to my problems ) and all of a sudden out of the blue he is blowing my facebook up with messages saying i want to call you  let me know when you go to mums and i will call you blah blah blah i dont have any sort of phone at home hence the need to go to mums . Any way long story short due to the reason above just said i would prefere not to if you want to speak to me message me (i find sometimes its easier to process information that way  ) So he got cranky and proceeded to attack me calling me selfish and pathetic bitter and all sorts   . any way the whole point there is no contact then wanting to play happy family's huh??? and when i stood up i got slammed . The crappiest thing about it is we used to be really close and now i dont even know him. as for mum without even knowing it she is so manipulative i actually confronted her about using me and she proceeded to say oh no i did it mainly for you blah blah blah to reduce your stress mmm yeah right i cant even think straight right now its been a huge day really drained 

Thanks for your reply 🙂   

[Neil_1]

Hi Fi

It's just crap ain't it - these are the kinds of things you'd expect to hear or read about in other people's lives or you know, a TV show or something.  But that's probably where they get things like this from.  Why do people have to act this way - and when I say people, it's even worse for you, cause they happen to be related to you - and possibly worse still, how you said that you both got on years ago.

I say 'damn good on you girl', for standing up - cause it must have taken a bit for you to do that.

And I'm hearing you loud and clear with regard to the message thing, as opposed to the telephone thing.  I stress out to the max whenever our phone goes - and hope like crazy that it's not for me.

I can write and type all day long, but when it comes to one-on-one talking on the phone - I mean, what do you say?  How do you respond?

Now hey, is it this week coming up that you've got some special appointment happening?  I know it's almost impossible for you to do, but I hope you can push this post and the content of it to the back of your mind, so you can focus on the upcoming fertility appointment.  Did I remember right?

Kind regards

Neil

[fifi]

Hi Neil ,

Thanks again for your awesome support :). i think actually having time to process what is in front of you is the best thing about typing 🙂 and being able to refrain from responding until such time as we are good and ready is a really important thing 🙂  As for the appointment it is next Wednesday a little scared but in a good way i think 😄 as for the above i have decided to just push it as far back in my mind as i can 🙂 and belt it out with my councilor this week at the end of the day i still love them with all my heart but i will not be walked on 🙂 . On another note my dog had her pups last night 😄 8 little munchkins eeppp i was expecting 4 at the most hahah surprise surprise 🙂 So apart from being tired i feel ok today the issues from last week are not so raw and not so much in the front of my memory 🙂

i hope you have and awesome week cheers again 🙂

[Neil_1]

Hi Fifi

Way to go with the above issues – and your thoughts on it – you have a much more mature approach to all that, than I do.  🙂

Hey, you wouldn’t be human if you weren’t showing some kind of potentially extreme emotion with regard to Wednesday week – but also as you say, ‘it’s in a good way’.  But for the time being, there’s 8 reasons that you can push that to the background as well for the time being.

Wowee, 8 little puppies.  I’m gonna have to ask – what breed of pups are we talking about??   What a perfect distraction for you.  Well, you may not think so, as you’re having to live and deal with them, 24/7, but for me just being on the outer, that sounds just amazing.

Kind regards

Neil

[fifi]

Thanks Neil 🙂

Update for anyone interested the appointment went well information overload but 😛 

and now the tests start yay lol

Thank you all for your wonderful support

xxx