How can I stop abusing drugs

[Queen_Elsa_of_Arendelle]

Hello!
How's it going? Fine! Of course it is.

Of course it it.

Conceal, don't feel.
Don't let them know.

It's not going fine. Not at all.
For 13 years now, since I was 17 (you do the math), I have been using drugs, weed mostly, to suppress how I feel and to function generally.

I suffer from autism, as well as depression, I was diagnosed with the former about 5 years ago, and the latter, when I was around 12.
I have traveled around Australia, living in different cities, until settling in Brisbane, where I have been for the last 11 years.
Don't come, it's a trap.

I had some treatment when I was an adolescent, such as counselling, as well as medication, but was to little avail.
Slowly, over the years, I have learned to cope with the feelings of self-hatred and general sadness by masking them with drugs and alcohol.
I have been doing this for, as I said, 13 years, and it has somewhat amplified the difficulty in socializing, and increased feelings of paranoia generally.
Also, it has cost thousands of dollars. Generally around $4,500 per year for your average Q-a-week smoker.
That's probably around $58,000 I have spent on weed in my life.
I mean, damn.
And it is detrimental to, like, doing stuff, you know. Other than smoking weed, and getting more weed to smoke. Perhaps putting something on to watch while you smoke weed.
Running out of weed and then stressin' about not having it, then having to go through the gauntlet of getting it, and then the cycle repeats.

And I'm afraid. Of a lot of things, like that nothing really matters because we're all going to die and be forgotten.
And even if we are remembered forever, the earth is swallowed by the sun, and that's it, everything we, and anyone ever, has ever done, has ever fought or died for, gone, boom, meaningless. Nothing remains of humanity but a few drifting satellites, some with golden records, "Greetings from Earth" it says, a brochure for a world that no longer exists.
And that's it for us.
So what's the point?

And on top of that, we could all be in a simulation.

Or this could all be in my head.

I think, therefore I am? Can I ever prove the existence of myself?

Please help me, I have been high for too long, and I'm scared of what is waiting for me when I come down.
How can I stop abusing drugs, get over my existential crisis, and generally be happy and get on with it?
I want to let it go, but I don't know how to escape this kingdom of isolation I have crowned myself the queen of.

[Neil_1]

Dear Elsa,

Hope it’s ok to use Elsa and not your ‘formal’ title. 🙂 🙂 But I do like it though, as I too am a Star Wars freak … Star Wars, did I say Star Wars, oh wash my mouth out. In fact, I’ve been to Tauranga in NZ where they did filming of different versions of Lord Of The Rings – or was it just The Hobbit? I can’t remember which.

Elsa, ok, so you’re in Brisbane and been there for some time. You said “don’t come”, but I’m further south than that, and I tell you what, it’s damn cold here in winter, so I would love a taste of Brisbane winter right now. 🙂

This weed addiction that’s happening and has been happening for a fair while now – and from what you’ve said, it is a process to get it, as well as the cost. May I ask if you work? May I also ask with regard to the addiction or habit – I’m guessing it’s a daily thing – but is it just a night-time thing; or an arve-into-night-time thing? Or is it all day?

May I also ask if you live by yourself or whether you’ve got family or friends close by??

I’m really pleased that you’ve come here and to me, this is you deciding that you’ve almost had enough of all this and that you’re ready to try and face things head-on and see how you can cope ‘without’ the weed. Am I in a way correct here?

I know what masking your depresson or mental illness is all about – I do it quite a lot for a number of months in drinking that four letter word, no, not XXXX, but simply beer. But at other times throughout the year, I do go off it as I’ve created for myself a goal that I aim towards each year and so I cannot drink in the lead up to this event. I can delve more into that if you’d like me to later.

What I think for the moment is to see if we can try to create little goals for you.

I think you’ve already done your first; and that was by coming here and posting and reaching out. I would dearly love for your next one to, come back and respond again. But also to think seriously about making a first step to some professional help as well. You’re YOUNG … just 30yo; you’ve got so much in front of you.

I hope to hear from you again.

Neil

[Queen_Elsa_of_Arendelle]

Hello, and thankyou for your reply.
Elsa is fine. 🙂
And Star Wars is too, we're all Disney fans now.
I believe that LotR and The Hobbit were filmed in NZ.
The weather here is lovely.
It's nice, but it lacks some of the options and opportunities of the southern states.

Do I work? Other than my regal duties, no, I am on the DSP, and have been for a while.
I have found it very difficult to hold a job, and generally getting along with people in a workplace environment. I get quite overwhelmed by more than a few people, get distracted easily, have difficulty following orders and accepting that "this is the way we do things here". The world is just so inefficient and self-satisfying, and if you try to change it or point out that the system is flawed, that it could be better, they don't wanna hear about it.
What happened to the dream?
If we turned the ingenuity and industry we use to kill each other to making the world a better place, we could be living in the utopia we were promised in the '50s.
Where is that?
What is the point of personal and social endeavour in a world so bent on it's own destruction?
And don't get me started on how the workers should own the means of production. Anything less is slavery.

How often do I smoke?
I am taking the advice of a doctor, "smoke weed ev'ry day"
Dr Dre, that is.
But yeah, just, generally, all the time, whenever I have it.

I live in a house with two other housemates, one of whom is my best friend. They are pretty cool, and I get along with them very well.
My other friends I generally keep in contact with on Facebook, but I rarely go out.

I have, as you say, had enough of this endless cycle. I enjoy smoking weed. It is fun.
But it just takes over.

Don't call it a party, 'cause it never ends.

And now I'm just really numb, just comfortably numb.
And the world just keeps right on spinning.
And I'm screaming from the inside. But I don't let them in, I don't let them see.
Be the good girl you always have to be.
And, like, people are supposed to be able to talk about these things with their friends, right?
And I am sure they would be happy to listen and whatever.
But I can't.
Don't you see, I cant.
I don't know how.

So the ice creaks and cracks, as I strengthen the walls of my icy fortress.
And I might look like I'm having a great time, dancing in the snow, but I'm trapped, freezing, lost.
There's no escape from the storm inside of me.

I would like to hear about your goal plan you mentioned 🙂

[Neil_1]

Hi Elsa

Yes, southern states at this time of year are particularly brutal. Still, experiencing the very cold is much better than the alternative. :)

Being in the workforce can be an ordeal, especially if you’re in with a crowd that isn’t conducive to your own nature/personality. I guess that’s why there can be so much stress related to jobs and people involved with other people.

That is great to hear that where you’re living is in a good situation for you. Do you feel they are supportive of you? Do they also participate with you, with the smoking side of things? I just ask that, cause if you’re going to dig really deep to try and move on from this – this is where you’ll be really requiring some shoulders to lean on, etc.

You have got a huge decision to make I think … with how you’re going to try to move forward. As you say, you want to end this cycle that you’re in; but on the other hand, you say how you enjoy the smoking of it.

My vice is alcohol and I do indulge heavily in the months when I’m not prepping myself for a contest. I participate in bodybuilding comps; have done so for about 7 years now and really LOVE doing it. But in the lead up (the preparation phase) I remove all alcohol intake, as it simply is not conducive to getting to the physique that I need on stage. The drinking also doesn’t help with the preparation, as I have so much more ‘stores’ of fat to lose, than people who don’t drink. I could wax on a lot more about this, and both are huge passions of mine; but what I was alluding to more, was the fact that for me to get off it, I have a goal that I want to achieve.

And to do this, I guess my goal is one that I’m extremely passionate about. Built in along the way, I create lots of little goals as well; sometimes even daily goals, that I need to achieve. And when I reach those, it’s an internal ‘feel-good’ experience. For me, that means a lot. A helluva lot.

Do you have, or have you had, things you’re extremely passionate about?

Neil

[geoff]

hello QEA, I replied over a week ago but your post seemed to disapear but fortunately I kept my comment
You ask 'how is it going' you ask, well of course it is', well no one ever knows do they, and by assuming that you or are on top of the world, because everything is going great guns, can't be assumed by anybody.
There are hundreds of people who are struggling like hell, and they may pretend to be fine but deep down they aren't at all, where some people try and cope by using drugs, weed, alcohol or medication, and with myself I used alcohol for a long time until some sense prevailed where I realised that the grog wasn't helping me, all it was doing was to prolong my treatment for recovery, sure everyone kept on telling me to stop drinking, but that decision had to come from within myself, I had to decide that I had to give up.
All my sympathy goes to you in being diagnosed with autism, but congratulate you for travelling around Australia as this was something that you wanted to do, an aim and an achievement in life.
When you run out of weed is no different than an alcoholic having no grog until you can lie to someone in order to borrow money so yes the cycle is continuous, it's goes on everyday and wonder what's going to happen tomorrow or even in the afternoon, so is this feeling worse than actually giving up and trying to get on with your life.
There is a problem that you find difficult to get a grasp of and that for so many years your life has been controlled by smoking weed, I'm not going to condone that, because I was an alcoholic once but not now, and I would hate to even think about how much money I spent on grog each day, but now life has changed for me, it has done a full circle that now I do things which I never ever thought I would do, so my life is much happier now, I am not controlled by alcohol, I live a different life, but we can't expect that something bad will happen tomorrow, it's impossible to ever think about, unless you wish that the next day is going to be good for you.
It's a rather interesting comment you have made, so I do hope that we can hear back from you. Geoff.