Dear Big Fella
Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. It's good you have found this forum and have the first step towards getting your life. Many people find it very hard to write here, so congratulations.
Elizabeth has given her perspective as the child in a dysfunctional family. I hope you take this to heart because I am sure from your words that you do not want this to happen in your family.
There are a number of people who write on BB and whose lives have been badly affected by their own drinking problems or those of a family member. I think some of these people will be along to talk with you. Alcohol, like gambling and chocolates, is addictive. The only certain way to not let the addiction rule your life is to stop drinking completely. As I understand it,one drink is one too many.
I have an addiction to sweet stuff, biscuits, cake chocolate etc. This may not seem in the same league as alcohol but it has the potential to ruin my life. Sugar starts me on the path to another depressive episode and the ripples from this affect many people. It's also bad for my body in general but I could say so what, it's my body. If I do not eat sugar, in whatever form, I feel better, more energised and a far better person to be with.
This is the same for you and alcohol. Do you remember the crisps advert, "Try stopping at one". And this is the same for one drink. At this stage you must concentrate on getting well yourself. You have already returned to your counsellor and that's great. Are you taking your medication again.
Your wife may have thought you were saying she was a part of the problem and refused to go to the counsellor for this reason. Perhaps if you ask her again and explain that you would like her know what was happening in your life. Ask her if she will help you become the person you were once and keep the family together.
It will be hard I think, judging by my experiences with sweets. I never know when I 'must' have a chocolate. And it is so easy to buy chocolate, just as it is with alcohol.
You have made the decision stay with your family and you know what to do. That's an amazing insight as many people believe they are quite capable of stopping drinking "any time I want" and that it does not affect the family. Physical violence is one part of terrifying your children. Raising your voice is quite terrifying to children and adults. My husband was a bully and could abuse me just with words.
Please continue to write in here and talk to us.
Mary
