Loosing Myself

[Will.i.am]

Up until this year I felt as though I had everything under control. Great family, solid support, great friends, the lot.

Though a sufferer of deep depression I always managed to not destroy every part of who I am. I am naturally a very outgoing , bubbly, life of the party kind of a guy and this year that has been taken away from me.

This year my trauma is rampant, my depression has sky rocketed and I now suffer from anxiety which is a new one to the mix. I have so many mixed emotions and I've been turned upside down.

I am not regularly unable to go to work at the last minute which is killing me and my finances. I hardly do any socialising and the activities I did regularly that were my life line I no longer live for or want. Worst of all my 2 year old son who I love and adore makes me realise how severe things have got. Even his smile and laugh can't break my darkness on the worst days which just breaks my heart.

With this post I wasn't sure what I was looking for. A place to air a snipet of what I am experiencing but a thread where I hope you can share your experiences or maybe a similar situations and what your doing to deal with it and tips I can use with my family

[blondguy]

Hi Will.i.am

We have spoken before and you are doing it hard ....You may have to refresh my memory, are you seeing a GP or anyone on a regular basis right now? This would be crucial to feeling better now and to ensure some peace of mind in the future.

Having had the acute anxiety for years...and depression I know where you are coming from Will. This is only humble opinion but a GP or counselor would be first...and a weekly visit to help you bring back the the strength you deserve. The regular visits are a pain but you/your family will reap the benefits Will.

Being able (if you can) to work is also a priority as you know. The socialising can always be handled a bit down the track. For your wonderful son not to break through the dark clouds is not a good place to be in Will.

GP or counselor first is crucial...you will find your family and work with both become easier. Having a 'tired' mind....depression/anxiety is debilitating Will. If the doc mentions meds, go for it. They can provide you with a platform on which you can heal.

Always great to see you Will. I hope you can post back...as many times as you wish of course 🙂

My Best. Paul

[Starwolf]

Hi Will and thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Search for your previous threads has yielded no results. I agree with Paul, you are suffering inner pain and need help and support. If you are already on a health plan, please let us know your thoughts about it. If you are not, please keep in mind that there's no need to go it alone. Feeling depressed is isolating enough without the addition of a lonely struggle. With the right support and persistence, control can be regained, one small step at a time.

You are a caring family man and enjoying healthy family life and connection are a birthright.Being deprived of it is heart breaking.

It is difficult to know how we can help without having more info about what the situation is. So I hope you will post again to enable us to do so. Looking forward to reading more from you.

[Will.i.am]

I am currently seeing a psychologist and am increasing the frequency at the moment. I do find it a challenge at times to get there but reap the rewards afterwards.

GP has currently put me a.d which I haven't found really help do then a increase was given. He said finding the right one can take time. I understand but it is very frustrating.

Thanks for the reply. Just knowing I have a place where I can speak to like minded people is incredible. Thanks for sharing a bit bout you too.

[Will.i.am]

Time can be such an awful thing. A year of the increased elevation of mental health has caused me to have more frequent visits to doc, psychologist and mess.

Yeah the family sinario was and is devastating.

what kind of things would be helpful for you to know.

[blondguy]

Hey Will, thanks for posting back, and for the kind compliment too 🙂

Will said: "Just knowing I have a place where I can speak to like minded people is incredible" I too have found super kind people here like yourself Will.

The AD's can be hard to sort out but worth it in the end. I have been on them since 1995 and its one of the smartest moves I have made.

Here for you Will and I hope your Friday is good to you:-)

Kind Thoughts

Paul

[Starwolf]

Hi Will.i.am,

I agree that time can be a pain in the proverbial but -like everything else- it also has a good side. It is a great healer. Hopefully, time spent grappling with difficult psych issues or finding the right med balance will be an investment towards a brighter future. I can relate to the feeling of having chunks of your life taken away, of being turned upside down and inside out. I once was a lost soul, with heaps of questions but no answers. I can now look back and realize the value of those lost years. They were a platform from which I could know myself and reclaim control and peace of mind. It certainly didn't feel much good could ever come out of it all at the time...Experience has taught me that the only way out of the abyss is often via the bottom.

Please feel free to share whatever you feel comfortable with. One of the many advantages of these forums is that here, you are in charge. They're a safe haven where you are in control.

[Will.i.am]

I truly appreciate your replies and of course you sharing bits and pieces about your life. This really helps me to see that others are dealing with much like I am and that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I guess something I thought was laying dormant until my son came along was my trauma of being sexually abused as a child. I can't remember how old I was exactly but I was around 8 years of age and it didn't stop until I was 12/13. It really affects my mental health as I still see this person every so often and it's like nothing happened. I think seeing my son say hello to the person truly freaks me out and wish I'd never have to see them again.

This is a portion of what's happened over the past years but especially the last 2.

I do have to book another doctors appointment and get my medication sorted but I have been so anxious to go back I keep putting it off. I nearly made it last Friday but something got in the way. I even saw my doctor at the shops and I did everything to avoid him. Typing this makes me laugh as it sounds so stupid.

thanks again

W

[blondguy]

That took a huge amount of strength Will. 5 years....oh my god.

I was taken into the basement in Canada when I was a kid and was belted. I had to wait in the basement for 30 minutes first before it happened....over and over again.

There is nothing you have said that is stupid Will. You have my respect and admiration for being the person you are now. I hope your weekend is good to you my friend

My kindest thoughts for you Will.i.am

Paul

[Will.i.am]

My goodness Paul! How dreadful. Oh the pain and hurt these people have caused.

Paul I am sending you one huge hug. To say thank you and for you. Especially for you!