High functioning depression

[Em_Louise]

Hi!

I’m Em and I’m 18. This platform seems super nice and helpful from my limited experience so I had a quick question! I would love some help with dealing with high functioning depression, or what other people’s experiences are with it. I never really see stuff about it, and I’m just afraid I’m making up these feelings, because I don’t have any major depression-like symptoms. And I’m scared of self-diagnosing cause I never feel ‘bad’ enough if that makes sense.

thanks in advance!! Xx

[Gonetroppo]

I think that high functioning disorder is sometimes the hardest to deal with. Like you, I'm high functioning, and at times, I have struggled quite badly. But when I struggle, it always felt like people were judging me - thinking that I was faking it, or somehow "putting it on." They made me feel that I had some sort of ulterior motive - to get sympathy or something like that. It's hard to believe in yourself and hard to believe that what you are feeling is real because you start to internalise what other people think about you and you start to feel yourself that maybe you are "putting it on." It crushes your self esteem. I never worked out how to deal with that apart from moving away from people who made me feel bad about being me.

[Em_Louise]

Hey! Thanks for replying so fast wow! I’m sorry that you also struggle but it is nice to know I am not alone in that feeling.

The person who often fuels my ‘self criticism’ unfortunately, is a very good friend of mine, and long term sufferer of depression and anxiety. So I suppose finding the balance between looking after myself and being there for her without putting myself down in the process is my problem. But I’ll continue to try!

thank you for replying again, and I hope you can continue manage and take care of yourself, sometimes it hurts to distance yourself from some people but boundaries are important to keep ourselves first and foremost safe. The only other thing I can think of is to talk to someone about the support you need, often just having someone listen or understand your needs can be incredibly helpful.

Sending good vibes, and take care! Xx

[Gambit87]

Hi Em,

I consider myself high functioning. You wouldn't know I have depression, anxiety and OCD if you met me!

For years I felt sad and lonely (despite having wonderful friends,family and a beautiful girlfriend) and I didn't know how to put my feelings into words, so I never talked about it (I grew up in the 90s/00s so 'mental health' wasn't really a thing back then) I just pushed it down and got on with it. I went on like this for about 10-12 years.

Anyhoo - long story short it bit me in the butt hard, looking back it was kind of a good thing because it forced me to admit i had issues and needed help. Thankfully i'm getting back on track and learning to love myself again.

If I were to offer advice, it would be this -

Look after yourself! You are important! you cant help your friend if youre pouring from an empty glass.

Talk! Dont be afraid to speak to someone! Even posting on forums like beyond blue can be so helpful.

speak to your doctor, they'll be able to help and point you in the right direction with getting extra help.

speak to a psychologist. cannot recommend this enough. They are worth every cent.

All the best 🙂

[Em_Louise]

Hello!

thank you for your reply, I’m considering speaking to my doctor or even my a counsellor at university for some help and see where it goes!

you mentioned that ‘you can’t help your friends if you’re pouring from an empty glass’ which is something I really need to focus on, unfortunately it always seems everyone puts everyone else’s needs above their own, something I am definitely guilty of.

which is silly because I would drop everything to help a friend who is struggling, so why is it so difficult to admit it to yourself? Not sure but it seems to happen to everyone unfortunately 😞

thanks again for your reply and kind words! Wish you the best 🙂

[Leel]

Hi Em, welcome!

suffering high functioning depression is hard, and makes me question whether I am faking my symptoms or am an attention seeker for sure. I spent the last almost 20 years (now 37) pushing my feelings aside or with others telling me that because I was “smiling” that I couldn’t possibly be depressed. Very unhelpful when I already felt like a fraud! I also had a very successful career and life.

That is until January when I was admitted to a mental health hospital where I stayed for 3 months. I spent a month at home and am now back at the hospital and was yesterday diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder. Funnily enough I still feel like a fraud. I wonder whether I made up my symptoms still!

then I remind myself of people like Robin Williams.

so, long story short, go and see your GP perhaps and tell them your concerns. There is help out there, please don’t wait and struggle.