Depression, love and romance

[cake-o-saurus]

So lately I have been thinking a lot about how depression affects my lovelife. It's kind of embarassing for me so I guess its hard to talk when its not anonymous, I am hoping some of you guys will have some insight for me or even just encouragement and empathy. Feel free to share any similar stories as well.

33 years old female and never had a REAL romantic partner though I had some sort of romances with codependant guys I attached myself to, you know... its complicated. I don't feel like I do that anymore, which is great, I am in a much better place managing friendships and other relationships now but its still hard to imagine what a healthy love would look like because I still struggle with depression, anxiety and extreme mood swings.

I want to be honest with people and have that feeling of "I am relaxed, this is me and I am accepted for me" but I don't want to completely lose control and start getting all weird and codependent and needy like I have in the past. I struggled a LOT with boundaries and my mood swings are just SO extreme guys its really hard for other people to cope getting too close. But honestly its hard to imagine what healthy love would look like, I have never seen it and I sometimes worry its not even possible for me to ever be with someone romantically. But my mental health issues are fairly persistent / chronic so waiting to just get cured means basically accepting I can't be that close to someone. I don't know, maybe that's what I have to do?

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Any expectation of being “cured” is an unrealistic one so that leads to disappointment. Aiming for moods and depression to be quelled/ contained is often achievable.

With such massive mood swings I’d suggest you return to your GP to discuss. I’m bipolar but originally diagnosed with depression and with moods was then diagnosed with bipolar. A simple mood stabilise has made me much calmer and stable- as stable as I will ever be.

You might like to remember that potential partner could carry issues of their own that makes them undesirable.

Time to be more confident and proactive

TonyWK

[geoff]

HelloCake-o-saurus, and welcome, I can understand and appreciate your concern.

It's sad that anyone has to 'struggle with depression, anxiety and extreme mood swings', and in your situation it's you, but this may vary from person to person and then extrapolate into different forms.

When you are able to make friends with someone you might be keen on or perhaps have a crush on, you can't anticipate that the two of you will marry, buy a house and have 4 kids that's being too presumptuous, but definitely hopeful.

I only say this because as soon as you find someone you love, then this will push any type of depression to the background, this is where any counselling will be more effective, not that I'm qualified to say.

You can see love by what's happening, but more so, you can feel love by how it's shown, but can I suggest you contact your doctor, they maybe able to prescribe some medication that will help form a relationship.

Take care.

Geoff.

[White_Rose]

Dear Cake-o-saurus

Hello, good to meet you. It is natural to want to love and be loved and sometimes this does not seem to happen. I can understand how dispiriting this can be. Tony has made some good points about cures and mood swings. I think many people struggling with mental health issues have a rough road in the love stakes.

As Tony has said, ask your GP for some help or perhaps if you have been or are still seeing a mental health professional, ask that person. Like most people I am not a fan of medication. HoweverI do take an antidepressant for my mental well-being and because I have no side effects I am happy to continue. I also have medication for another medical condition but this is different. How do you feel about meds?

If your treating doctor can help in this area you may be more confident about meeting people and forming strong, healthy relationships. Once we learn to manage parts of our lives we often gain the confidence to manage much more. I think it's worth investigating, what about you?

It can be sad to realise we have a lifelong medical condition but that does not mean it dictates our lives. If you can talk to a psychologist it may help to know how persistent/or chronic you mental health issues are. I always think I would much rather know as it gives us some control in our lives.

Please continue to post here if it is helpful.

Mary