Hi.

[Jane971]

I am stuck in a really bad place and I don’t seem to be able to get myself out of. I am struggling to get out of bed, shower, cook, clean, go to work or exercise. I’m constantly scrolling reels in Instagram or Facebook wasting away the days. I’ve told my GP and I’ve started taking an anti depressant. I’ve tried different ones before in the past and always come off them. I’ve tried seeing a few different psychologists and it hasn’t really seemed to help that much. I have seen a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with depression. I live alone in a city away from family. I have a few friends nearby who know what’s going on but aren’t able to help that much. It’s been a rough few months and few years and I’m really worried about how to get out of this place. I had t ok take time off work last year due to this and then this year lost my job and have now depleted my savings and gone into debt. I know nothing is going to change overnight or even in a few weeks but I just don’t know what to do. I am a 30 year old female and I feel like I have no future, no hope or dreams and I don’t want to live like this. I don’t have any suicidal thoughts or ideas and am not self harming other than not eating enough proper food or staying hydrated. I’m trying to keep in touch with my friends and family for support but it’s hard when I just cry on the phone to them and they can’t do anything or when I meet a friend for a walk I feel like I’ve got nothing to say.

[Hayden]

Hi Jane.

It sounds like you have some really heavy blankets on you. I try to avoid advice, because I do not know much about you and don’t want it to come off wrong. It’s great to know you’ve seen a professional and have received a diagnosis. I hope you make it through.

[Croix]

Dear Jane971~

I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum, a good idea as there are many here who have been down similar paths. If you look around in the Depression Section I'm sure you would find others and see how they coped.

You have been going though a very tough time and it really is a great thing you have been able to get up and do the other things you mentioned. Each of those is a victory even if it does not seem so by conventional standards..

I can offer you some hope even though it might seem impossible right now. I know you feel things are running out with your savings going and no psych or medication having been effective. 

I too lost my job due to depression and a couple of other issues and felt there was nowhere to go.  Getting out of bed was a problem, so much easier to stay. Distracting myself by reading, in other worlds to steer clear of the real one.

Can I make a couple of suggestions?  The first is to try to find something you like , something to distract or amuse you -yes amuse. I thought I had no humor left but was taken be surprise laughing at a skit I'd seen before by my favorite comedian.  Finding things you like is possible, if you find it too hard enlist someone who knows you to remember for you - then make a list

Each day look forward to that something in the evening. It is surprising how that little bit of self reward can make a difference.

Wiht psychs and medication please try to persevere. Eventually, after trialing umpteen medications I found one that worked and have been on it over 10 years. A success that turned my life around. Fortunately my psych was a flexible sort and believed me when I said something was not working and was happy to keep on trying fresh meds.

My partner felt helpless if I told here how I felt, never having had the same experiences. Still just her presence was a support, as maybe your freinds and family are even if you cry or say nothing. They do not have to have any answers, just listen and care. Maybe you might like to tell them that so they feel better. Just their presence is important.

If you would like to talk some more that would be great

Croix

[human_garbage42]

Sorry if this is not helpful but maybe try uninstalling a few things? Then try to find something to care for. Maybe a potted plant or something, make sure it’s low maintenance. I found that having a goal to works towards is a lot easier than not knowing what I’m working towards. Set a goal, it can be easy or hard but it has to be realistic and there to encourage you.

[therising]

Hi Jane971

The warmest of welcomes to you as you face one of the most challenging times in your life, in so many ways. My heart goes out to you❤️.

Setting aside what anyone would think of you (no judgement getting in the way), what do you feel you would thrive on or benefit from in some way? For example, if in the past you thrived on/benefited from being around family, do you feel it could be time to return home for a break from a lot of the stuff that's depressing you? If you benefited from seeing a specific guidance counselor in the past, could it be time to consider seeing him/her again, as opposed to seeing those who aren't making a difference? Don't necessarily think about those things, more so consider how those possibilities feel. Do they offer a sense of relief or a sense of ease or even just an upward shift in some way? Try not to see any of that as going backwards, just a detour when it comes to moving forwards. Based on what you say, you can't feel any significant difference being made so far and that's telling you something. Btw, I'm not a fan of the trial and error factors within a depression. They can definitely become depressing at times, that's for sure. I will always be able to feel the thing or the things/people that make a difference. 

While it doesn't always work, a 'by the way' strategy is something that helps get me moving when I just don't want to move or can't seem to move. A few examples

• The next time I'm at the supermarket buying junk food to lift my spirits (aka 'feeding my dopamine receptors') I will, by the way, pick up a healthy ready to go meal. I could either just sit and eat rubbish or I could sit and eat rubbish along with something of nutritional value that's ready to go straight out of the fridge
• If I feel the overwhelming need to wash my feet, shampoo my hair or shave my armpits I will, by the way, get in the shower to do this. This ensures overall hygiene thanks to a shower. Or, if I want to warm up in winter, at least 5 minutes of water pouring over me from head to toe will meet the objective
• If I feel the need to meditate on the way forward in my life I will, by the way, do this while washing the dishes. Whether it's 5 or 10 minutes or maybe more, something in the house will be cleaned while I'm meditating or daydreaming

Jane, it's completely understandable when it comes to why you're turning to Instagram and Facebook. They're 2 things that aren't depressing. You've come to rely on 2 of the things that offer you a sense of happiness or relief. Finding ways to constructively manage living alone can be incredibly challenging. I did it many years ago and it did not go well. On the other hand, I now live in a household of people (husband and 2 grown kids) which is a factor that leads me to have to do stuff around the house. It's also a factor when it comes to facing challenging inner dialogue, living with people who are going to interrupt it on a regular basis. Living alone without that kind of interruption, can be so challenging. You're trying so hard to manage under an incredibly challenging set of circumstances. Be kind to yourself and patient with yourself while you're trying to move forward with what I imagine is next to no energy.

[trying_my_best]

Hi @Jane971 

I relate to this heavily! When I first moved away from my home town for university I had no job, lost contact with a lot of friends and moved away from my family and my partner. Even though I was studying I felt that no matter how hard I was trying I wasn’t getting anywhere and I was doing the same things as you, scrolling social media, eating, sleeping, repeat. 

It took a while and a lot of hard work but eventually I got back! I can’t exactly explain how I did it, I think it was a mix of rediscovering myself and my interests, and exploring and learning to fall in love with my new city, and eventually making friends and social connections in my new city. I believe you will get there too! 

wishing you the best 🫶

[Louise__]

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. That anxious feeling and financial stress is awful. I can relate to not eating, and struggling financially. I don’t have friends or family but I imagine you feel uncomfortable knowing that you’re not able to meet their optimism for life.

You’re not alone in those feelings. Keep going, you’re doing your best, and your best is enough

[Daydreamer70]

Hi Jane, 

I'm a bit late reading your submission but thank you for writing in. I just want to say first of all you are so welcomed here and I hear your experience. I have not been diagnosed with depression, however I have experienced similar feelings to you where I have felt extremely low and life has felt heavier and very dull. For me the biggest reason why was I felt so disconnected. I was living away from home in a new country for the first time in my life. As great of an experience as it was, I look back and I cant help but perceive it through a lens of sadness. I was so lonely similar to you would often cry on the phone to family and friends because I missed them so much. I am in a better place now since I moved back to my city and am around friends and family again, I am lucky I had the ability to do so. Being connected is so important to me and for a lot of people, feeling like you are supported. It sounds like you value this to. Just a suggestion but do you think maybe being back with your family, even just for a short period of time would help just whilst you get back on your feet? It does not have to be forever, just for a little bit until you feel some improvements.

I hope this helps a bit. I dont have direct experience with depression like I said, but I do understand loneliness and how much it can take a toll being away from those closest to you. Connection is so important, maybe that is a good starting point for you, to feel connected again. Just a thought. 

All the best and feel free to continue this discussion. 

Kind regards, 

Daydreamer. 

[Jane971]

Thank you all for your kind words and support. I’m really worried I won’t be able to make any progress and get past this period. I feel so broken and useless and defective. 

[therising]

Hi Jane

Not sure if it will be of any help to know but with periods in depression in the past I can recall thinking 'I don't think I'll ever be able to get out of this one'. It's taken new strategies/approaches, new ways of thinking (outside the square at times), different forms of guidance etc to be able to manage what can be felt as 'the worst one so far'. Sometimes the worst one so far can't be managed in old ways that may have worked in the past.

I've found sometimes the depth of the depression or where we are in that deep dark well can relate to the level of challenge we face. Don't forget the significant challenges you raised yourself to meet with. While some people in life will choose what's easiest, you chose to do what can be incredibly hard. You chose to rise to meet the challenge of moving far from family and friends, the challenge of having to meet a whole stack of new people, the challenge of a new job and managing independently, amongst other things. That is a lot and you should be proud of yourself. Being blindsided by what you never saw coming is not your fault.

I can recall my 23yo sage-like son's response to a question I had, when he was around the age of 10. He said 'Ask me any question and I'll give you the answer'. I asked 'How can I be a better person?'. His response, 'You already are'. So wise. It's true, sometimes we can't see just how far we've come. We can only see what's missing or what's 'wrong' with us. You've come far Jane and you'll continue to go far because it's in your nature. You've covered extensive territory already in this challenge, through ticking off the list all the approaches that haven't worked in managing this depression. While some sit back in a sense of hopelessness, you've worked hard to find what works and what doesn't. You're working hard to raise yourself.

While I face a potentially depressing time in my life at the moment, I don't think I've ever worked so hard to find the way forward. I give myself credit for that, just as you should be giving yourself credit for the work you're doing. My #1 goal when it comes to managing depression is always the same, always: Do whatever it takes for it not to become a long term depression. Been there, done that, and never want to go back there again.❤️