Hard To Keep Friends

phoenixstone · ‎06-09-2015

Lost a friend today. Over Facebook of all places. I'm beginning to think Facebook and depression don't mix.

I suffer from depression. Sometimes I'm irrational. I'm paranoid. I'm fearful. I'm angry. I'm scared. I feel like the world is against me. I lash out against even the best of friends. I'm tired. I'm lonely. It's a cycle. A constant battle. I'm trying.

Sometimes I get it in my head that people are talking behind my back or I recognise some of their complaints in their statuses as how I act. So I think they are referring to me. So I'll confront them impulsively.

She said some pretty hurtful truths and criticisms. She recognised that I immediate jump to conclusions and have low self esteem and paranoia. I was accused of draining the joy from her life. That not everything was about me or that everyone is out to get me.

I can't help it though and her reaction only confirms to me that maybe I am a terrible friend and a terrible person.

triptych · ‎06-09-2015

Gday phoenixstone,

Welcome to the beyond blue forums and good on you for reaching out for help.

Im new here too, and I found this older thread about social media that may be of some help to you. Please feel free to join in the discussion. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/connect-with-others/online-forums/staying-well/why-social-media-is-no-good-for-you

Facebook can be tough as theres so much going on at once. I have similar problems on that site as it sounds like you do.

stay strong,

T

Doolhof · ‎06-09-2015

Hi Phoenixstone,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and to the community . I am sure there a lot of people who post here who can relate to how you are feeling and also to the actions that you take when you really don't want to be acting that way. Hope that makes sense!

Sometimes when we are depressed or are suffering from other mental health issues, we do tend to fly off the handle unreasonably or misinterpret what others have said or written! I know I have done so hundreds of times.

For me the trick is to acknowledge that I am angry or frustrated about something, then to try to calm down before I react and respond.

I'm sorry you have lost a friend on Facebook. Is there any way you can reply and say you are sorry that your reaction has hurt that person?

I don't find it easy to be told the truth about me, even when it is said nicely. I know that my words and actions can hurt others. Once I have calmed down from what first feels like an insult, I try to consider if what that person has said is real or not. If it is, then I need to find ways to change how I behave.

Hopefully you will find help and support here.

Depression and other mental health issues are not at all easy to live with! Some people just don't understand either that we are trying to do the best we can!

Hopefully others will respond to you and you will also find other posts that you would like to be a part of.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

gremz · ‎06-09-2015

Hey Pheonixstone,

I have trouble with this too. And in NO way does this make you terrible. I think it shows that you really care but are scared of what you might lose.
What I try to to do is write about it, writing always seems to help me put things in perspective. What is the evidence and is it worth a fight? Sometimes even just getting my feelings on paper helps me to feel calmer and more in control.
I don't always get it right, but it works better than my old method of avoiding confrontation until I explode.
If this doesn't work, don't worry. You'll find something else that works for you, and it will also take practice.
I hope things get easier soon.

Neil_1 · ‎07-09-2015

Hi there phoenix stone

Welcome to Beyond Blue and I must say, an intriguing and interesting name you’ve come up with. 🙂

Ahh, the perils of FaceBook and similar kinds of social media applications. I avoid them all – obviously, bar the interweb (otherwise I wouldn’t be here on Beyond Blue) and also my much loved, email. I’d be hopeless without my email. And that’s so much more sedate and mundane compared with FaceBook, which can be really “out there” and yes, it can be damaging.

That’s largely why I’ve never gone onto it and from all reports, I never will either.

As you rightly say, FaceBook and depression are not a good mix.

Too often things even if only slightly worded incorrectly can be taken the wrong way and from that, it can cause a great deal of stress and anxiety.

I’m not saying for you to get off FaceBook, but possibly to reduce the amount of stuff that is put on there, perhaps? In that regard, I’m not overly sure as someone who knows more about it would be better placed to talk about those kinds of things – who you can bar, etc, if they’re causing you hassles and grief.

I also doubt very much that you’re a terrible person, as you suggest – what’s happening with you is that you suffer from depression and that causes all sorts of dramas for us – and massive internal ones (and when I say internal), battles with our own thinking and our mind’s perspectives that screws around with things and makes them far worse, than what they possibly really are. That’s where we need to have people close to us, TO tell us that all is not as bad as we think it is.

Do look forward to hearing from you again.

Neil

Isolationist · ‎07-09-2015

She recognises that you have low self-esteem and paranoia, but seemingly hasn't suggested or done anything to help you with these... not all people are able to (or want to) help others going through difficult times. Maybe she's just not a caring friend. The problem most likely isn't with you. There will be people out there who are prepared to give you time and support. Well, that's what I keep telling myself, anyway. I'm not sure I've found any yet - I too am finding it very difficult to keep friends, as none of them seem to really care and I don't ever hear from anyone anymore. I too tell myself it's because I am a shitty person. The rational side of me knows that it's probably not true, but I can't entirely believe it.

I find facebook (and also other social media such as instagram) makes me feel worse because it seems that everyone else is happy and having a great time, and I compare myself to everyone else. I am taking a break from social media at the moment for this very reason, and am going to concentrate on myself and try to find some positives on myself and spend my time trying to improve myself. Maybe give facebook a break for awhile too.

Isolationist · ‎07-09-2015

Thanks for posting this, triptych. I already knew all this, but it was helpful to have it reinforced, as well as to read others' thoughts on the topics.

Robbie81 · ‎07-09-2015

Hi, I am new here also. Definitely agree that writing down your thoughts and feelings helps. I wrote my first post in the depression section today after spending the morning in bed and feel a bit better after writing down how i feel (even if no one reads it or responds) . I was having a particularly bad day last week and sat down to text my wife which ended up being a 3 page essay but after sitting there writing and re writing that text i did feel better.

Also agree with others thay social media is very fake as people only post the best side of themselves and an edited version of their life to look good to others. I find only following pages/people of interest and close to me, using it as a positive influence helps.

phoenixstone · ‎07-09-2015

It was hard and is hard to be able to come back when calm when a person or the person isn't backing down. I tend to feel like a cornered cat. I just lash out and no matter how hard I try to defend myself and recognise to the person as well as myself that I'm thinking irrationally, it doesn't help and things snowball.

phoenixstone · ‎07-09-2015

I feel like social media is seemingly the only socialising I can do ATM. I'm pretty isolated. 😞 Easy to make friends. Hard to keep them. I work from home and most of my closest friends have jobs that take their time. I used to be a teacher but I've had to stop (by my own choosing). It's hard. I take a break but feel disconnected. But then I go on social media and I get upset. I can't win.