Happiness- what should be your goal?

[white knight]

We know from our forum that there are a good percentage of people newly diagnosed with  mental illness  that seek a cure for their condition. Regularly we try to educate them by saying good management of their condition is a preferable approach rather than a 100% fix. I mention this because if we admit to our ambition of good management then we resign to the fact that we will never have a full recovery. That being said does that mean we will never find true happiness? Will we always reflect upon not getting to full recovery and so never really be happy? I'm asking this here today because I have finally found happiness yet still have my down and up days depending on my mania/moods. I'm happy even though I'm fragile emotionally and I'm happy besides the fact that humans upset me regularly. Why is this so and could there be tip I can give you?

Briefly- I have bipolar 2, dysthymia, depression and previously had anxiety with panic attacks. I'm on mood stabilisers and a small amount of anti depressants, fish oil. Physical issues include sleep apnea and deep vein thrombosis. My wife has depression. Unlike me she sleeps a lot when the black dog visits.

My road to recovery- well inside my mind is a positive "never give up" person that changed from being negative in 1983 after attending a motivation lecture. I cant begin to tell you what good effect that had on me. It planted the seed to the fighter in me now. Then a major down time prior to my marriage split in 1996. Clearly leaving my then abusive and ungrateful wife was the best move I ever made. So if you have big doubts follow your heart if all else fails. Don't hang around a doomed relationship. I began to write poetry in 1994 unaware it was good therapy. Writing anything down helps. And these changes-

-A move to the countryside (if this interests you then try it. I advise a very small town within 15 minutes of a larger town the latter with hospital, gym, supermarket and schools.

-I got rid of all toxic problem people

-met kind people

-limited social media

-Hobbies

-get lots of sleep

-Staying away from club committees/politics

-spiritual contentment

Self help is good.

Happiness can be claimed when you have more good days than bad, when you act on your needs, when you are well enough to help others, when you've accepted your illness as part of YOU and when you are stable enough to come across as not having a mental illness.

My goal is reached...what about you?

Tony WK

[2514]

For me, a good goal is being in a place where one is happy / grateful to be here, and to have been here. Where one is willing to accept the bad and good alike with open arms, because one has trust and belief that it's worth it. A place where one can give moments of value to others, and perhaps, the fuel to go that step further.

[white knight]

Hi 2514

Thanks for replying. I just replied to your other post.

This post above is much more positive than your other one. Perhaps in this one you are showing more hope.

You certainly know what happiness is. Goals towards happiness need to be include din short, medium and long plans. The wait is worth it

Tony WK

[Sparkles183]

Thanks for sharing white knight

it has made me think what do I need to do to achive true happiness/ wellness as at the moment I am in a place where I am trying so hard to be happy and no matter what I try nothing works. 

So i guess my goals would  be. 

1) being able to make it out of bed in the morning.

2) make new and good friendships that is not toxic to my condition.

3) finding a purpose in life.

4) get back in to church 

5) find a new hobby and follow through with it. 

6) accept who I am and my mental illness. 

7) keeping a positive attitude 

Thanks again for sharing 

take care sparkles... 

[Mares73]

Dear Tony

your post got me thinking about the impact of outside influences beyond our control. For example my husband has acute leukaemia, I'm raising two children & im also involved in a civil case against the Catholic Church for serious abuse when I was younger. I long to feel "happiness" yet there is so much uncertainty & pressure in my life that I often find myself on autopilot as I can't let out how I feel.

Take one day at a time you may say. Yes ideally I wish I could. But I can't help worrying how long my husband will survive, how I'll deal with the kids on my own & how I'll find the courage to keep fighting the church.

 My biggest issue is anxiety which leads to depression. I suffer extreme anxiety from the time I wake up til the time I go to bed. 

I live in Sydney & I'd love to move up the north coast but that's not possible given my husbands illness. I'd also like to remove some toxic family members-again not possible while husbands I'll.

So the big question facing me is how to find snippets of calmness amongst the chaos. I think sadly I've given up on happiness for the moment & am just in survival mode trying to keep my family afloat whilst I'm just coping myself & trying to hide my awful anxiety.

im on meds, see a trauma therapist. Am very self aware.

So given the constraints which are many-how do I find happiness?

Mares

[Charlie_Jane]

Hi everyone,

 I really like this idea for a thread. Happiness means different things to different people. As I have read here, we are all experiencing different lives and the different hurdles that come with life. I admire all of the input here so far and I wish you all the best for future endeavours.

 I am trying to find happiness and acceptance after recently being diagnosed with Bipolar II. I have found that the process from diagnosis to recovery has been a journey. And as you said White Knight, we may never make a full recovery. My goals at present are:

*Trying to walk everyday, especially in amongst the trees. I find the trees or nature to be relaxing for the pure fact that nature doesn't resist any process. It just happens (i wish my life to be similar)

*Be more in the present instead of trying to focus on the past or future. This is especially important when with my family and friends because I want to enjoy the presence of them rather than having my head elsewhere.

*Thinking positively. It is very hard sometimes, but I listen to all my negative self talk and I try to cease it as soon as it occurs. It is not helpful and it's probably not even true. Like White knight said I also limit use of social media and the news.

These are the current goals for happiness. Once these have been mastered, I hope to move onto bigger things such as taking up a hobby and travelling more. One day at a time, one step at a time.

[white knight]

Thankyou everyone that found this thread useful.

I have found that trying to be positive and implementing some of my ideas (and yours too) take on a snowball effect. For example-

A hobby. Some of us find it hard to find a hobby or hard to maintain own ("see it through") as Sparkles said. So what can a hobby do? It takes us away from our problems. Even if we are thinking about our problems while we are moulding our clay or painting a picture we are not "stewing" ...we are just thinking.

The other thing I picked up on was how we can lose logic amongst our confusion. It is common but not logical, to worry about things that are not in our control. Worry produces nothing but ulcers. Waiting for events (like court cases) isn't easy but if we were to be able to put it out of our mind until the case goes before a court we would be much more healthy. Easier said than done and the only way I've found success in this is to write it all down then close the file, open it up again when you remember something significant...write it down and so on. I get the same effect writing my poetry.

An extension of this concept is to turn things into humour. For example, my father (dec) couldn't understand many things about my mother (the latter I believe has BPD and in denial). At the time of some heavy arguments with her my father turned to me and said "I just will never understand her". I then wrote this poem-

THE BLACK WIDOW

The male black widow spider

tried all his life

he tried to tickle the hairy legs

of his larger black widow wife

The one day he had a win

something at last to gloat

She began to laugh aloud

as his leg slid down her throat

Poor male black widow

was always to get into strife

all because he couldn't understand

the nature of his hairy wife....

At the time I got my mother to read the poem. She said it was funny so did dad. Whenever we had a gathering and dad got upset about my mother I'd turn to him and say..."you are like the male black widow spider dad".

It clarified my dads dilemma.

Finally clarity can come in the form of mnemonics, which is to aid the brain. We all used mnemonics in school days. ok, like saying over and over in my mind the word TOTNAW which means for me- Tony ought to not always worry. This is because I often slip into worry mode when there is no reason to.

Think positive. Google "Topic: 30 minutes can change your life- beyondblue"

Tony WK