Depression

Depression affects people in Australia every day. Share your own story and learn about other member’s experiences with depression.

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BeyondBlue Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started
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Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for ... View more

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for coming this far, we know it can be really hard to take these steps if depression is in your life - we see you and think this is a great step. To get the most out of this space we have a few tips: Get involved. The Forums work best for you when you get active and post where you can. Now, we know that can be really hard, especially when you are experiencing depression. So, if you can post something supportive to someone else here, that would be an incredible start. Speak from the heart. This community wants to know how YOU feel and what has worked for YOU. We trust that you have something unique to say and we can’t wait to hear it. Check in. Lots of the discussions in this section of the Forums have been going for years and they are some of the richest conversations we have. Keep checking in to get new ideas and offer your support. We know it can be tough to start, but when you are ready we want to hear your thoughts. If you need some time to get to know the community, that's okay! Have a look around and see where you want to get involved. Thank you for being here! Beyond Blue

Jeriava How do I talk to my doctor?
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I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really ... View more

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really scared that they’ll judge me or won’t believe anything I say. I’m really anti social so I feel like I won’t be able to say what I wanna say or I’ll say the wrong thing causing them to just dismiss me and move me along without helping. I’m just tired of feeling alone, depressed and just worthless but I’m really scared to talk to them.

AGrace SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION
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Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the ... View more

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the 5 senses Distress Tolerance – Accepting Emotions and Self Soothing Distraction – Put the thoughts/feelings aside and come back to them when you are ready to deal with them Positive Affirmations – Have some affirmations written down repeat them to yourself daily Sleep/Exercise/Diet – All 3 aspects of our lifestyle can impact the way we think/feel Increasing Pleasurable Activities – Engage in at least one pleasurable activity per day

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Durras Tangled Up in the Web of Life
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I thought I would type this as the link to my HI all so I can explain. I loved and enjoyed my holiday back home in NZ and it was great seeing family and my sister, gave her a big hug and we cried and a positive outcome is she might come here to Austr... View more

I thought I would type this as the link to my HI all so I can explain. I loved and enjoyed my holiday back home in NZ and it was great seeing family and my sister, gave her a big hug and we cried and a positive outcome is she might come here to Australia for a holiday in December. How I am feeling now thou is my head is just lost completely lost. I know I have goals set for this year and maybe it is just that I am impatient to start on them with psychologist appointment and my nursing course but deeper down inside I am feeling really irritable, frustrated, unsure of it all or of anything with my goals maybe it is the thought of failing. I want to succeed, I want to bring in money to support my husband and I as we are looking to buy our own home, I want financial income for my daughter with her needs, I want a job! a career! I want to feel normal! i'm sick of feeling like worthless and useless no one will want to hire me, take me on! I'm sick of not knowing exactly what is wrong with me and sick of taking these medications trying to bring my mind and life in balance. I'm forgetting things too. I don't eat meat not that I'm vegetarian but it clogs my system. Yesterday my husband was telling his dad how I had a sausage roll, I said no that was in NZ and he said no Carol that was only yesterday you had it. While I was away in NZ I was forgetting things my daughter spoke to me about from the day before. Last night I did a online Bipolar test and it showed I have it, I then showed it to my husband and he is like (ignore it you don't know where it is from) just listen to your doctor. Don't know why I did the test but I am thinking maybe the doctor missed something. Well I want to know what is wrong with me, the score wasn't high but it was there. I'm fed up with myself and all of this. I'm getting frustrated easily, snappy, short tempered and easily feeling irritated towards my husband and myself. I don't know how to explain it all properly and clearly everything just feels mixed up and muddled and confusing right now. Well I will go, made myself a list for things todo today so will try and concur that while shame to same on second drink and it is 7.45am. Who to turn to but my Bundy and you all on BB. Durras XO

Night_sky Lost in the abyss
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I feel so lost that I'm not sure I'll ever feel happiness again. Every single day is filled with tears and a conscious effort to try and act happy, normal and like I fit in this world. I have things to be happy for....beautiful children, a roof over ... View more

I feel so lost that I'm not sure I'll ever feel happiness again. Every single day is filled with tears and a conscious effort to try and act happy, normal and like I fit in this world. I have things to be happy for....beautiful children, a roof over my head, food. Yet my constant thoughts are of hiding away and never facing anyone again. No one understands and I am so fearful that my children will see my constant sadness and be affected by it. I try so incredibly hard to be happy for them but I am so exhausted. There are no answers, no quick fixes to anything. I long for when I'm asleep so that I can escape the hurt for even a moment. I'm not sure I even want a reply. Sometimes just writing things down eases the confusion in my head.

Tinabeck Will I ever have any relief.
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I have suffered depression since I was a teenager & it took many years to realize that I had was depression, possibly even bipolar. I've been diagnosed with severe depression & am on an extremely high dose of medication. Yes it has helped somewhat bu... View more

I have suffered depression since I was a teenager & it took many years to realize that I had was depression, possibly even bipolar. I've been diagnosed with severe depression & am on an extremely high dose of medication. Yes it has helped somewhat but I still have a lot of depressive episodes. I've tried counseling for many years, read books etc but still suffer with those depressive moments. I have fantastic days where I'might on top of the world but then in the blink of an eye hit rock bottom. My depression has stopped me from fulfilling every goal that I have ever had. It is so debilitating. I have raised 5 children & now they're all grown up I just feel like I have nothing left to do on this earth. I feel utterly alone. My husband & I split nearly 20 years ago and now I just feel completely alone & useless to anybody. I don't believe my depression will ever get any better as I have tried all the positive thinking & it just hasn't worked. I have tried sharing my feelings with my children & some friends but I always come away feeling like none of them really care. I just don't know what to do. I don't feel that I will ever be be free of it. It's like I have this nasty little demonervous sitting on my shoulders weighing me down & stopping me from achieving any of the dreams that I have ever wanted. I just cannot shake it. I just don't know what to do. It's no good being told to just stay positive because it doesn't work. I've tried all that. I honestly feel like I'm a totally useless human being and am just a total waste of space. I'very tried so many things over the years that I just don't believe that anything will help me at all & I will be like this for the rest of my life. I just don't think I could cope with living like that for another 30 or 40 years. It'seems unbearable enough now. Now that all my kids are grown up & have families of their own, I feel completely alone in the world. I have no husband, no children at home & hardly ever get invited anywhere. I'mean so lonely & believe that no one on this earth truly cares enough about me to make sure that I'm ok. I hate the way my life is.

Enough_Already When coping isn't enough anymore
  • replies: 4

I have tried writing an introduction now for a good 10 minutes, but every time I write something, I delete it. How do you introduce yourself to a world of strangers? How do you type what you feel and what you think? How do you know that people won't ... View more

I have tried writing an introduction now for a good 10 minutes, but every time I write something, I delete it. How do you introduce yourself to a world of strangers? How do you type what you feel and what you think? How do you know that people won't judge you or think something of you? That's the thing, you don't! This is my life, these are my everyday struggles. I am 27 years old and I have been struggling with anxiety and depression all my adult life and more then likely childhood, which is probably where it stems from. I have been to psychiatrists and made some progress, but, it only lasts for a while and then I revert right back to the same thing as before. I have reached the severe depression obstacle and overcome some of the struggles, sleeping all the time, not wanting to get out of bed. Shutting everyone out, hiding from the world. But I fear it is settling in again and sometimes I have no control over it. Somedays it is easier to give in then fight it. My anxiety and I are not the best of friends, a few years ago, I couldn't go into a shopping centre by myself, I couldn't talk to anyone by myself, I had no life, and no where to turn, I sat in fear of my own fear. No body understands what it is like to face the day when they have never suffered from depression or anxiety, people will only assume what they think or believe but for some one who battles to just get through the day, we understand each other and we understand everything. I am new to this whole forum thing, I hope to share my stories, advice and my survival tips with you some day and I look forward to hearing about yours.

Kylie_10 zero motivation to move farward
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I am 28 years old, I am a single mother who is studying nursing full time at uni (1.5 years to go). I lost my job before Christmas due to funding cuts and I am at the point where I have been selling things to buy food. I cannot apply for part time wo... View more

I am 28 years old, I am a single mother who is studying nursing full time at uni (1.5 years to go). I lost my job before Christmas due to funding cuts and I am at the point where I have been selling things to buy food. I cannot apply for part time work because I am always on and off working at the hospital for my work placement. My availability is always up and down. My family don’t support me and I am constantly having to beg for help from people to just drop my son off to school so I can get to the hospital on time. I have a knee injury which prevents me from doing a lot of exercise so now I just ‘walk’ because I can’t afford to see a physiotherapist. I have depression (lack of exercise further contributes to this). Walking takes up a lot of what precious little time I have though so it’s not the most practical. I have been brought up in a dysfunctional family where my parents were junkies and I was physically, sexually and emotionally abused. I am always trying to make my life simpler and less stressful (I eat healthy and look after myself and my sleep habits) but there is always shit that comes up and knocks me down again. I have made an appointment to see a psych, I have had one session so far which is organised through uni. I am really tired of ‘fighting’ to get somewhere in life. I am just so sick of always struggling and trying to be strong.

Bob_M I need all the help that I can get to try to get back together
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Hi my name is Bob M I did now that I was suffering from Depression it seems like that I've suffering from it for many Years & yet did now that I was suffering from Depression until I saw a new Dr & had filled in a form & well it was bad enough for me... View more

Hi my name is Bob M I did now that I was suffering from Depression it seems like that I've suffering from it for many Years & yet did now that I was suffering from Depression until I saw a new Dr & had filled in a form & well it was bad enough for me to see a Psychiatrist witch I now have to call her to make an appointment to see her.I've known that could need help with a problem that I've but did now very much about it & how I could go about it so for many years I've kept it all to my self until I had meet a very nice Girl & we have been going together for about 2 years & now we are having problems with our lives we are living in the same unit but for what had happen she is now staying in her own room.Some of what had happen yes is my fault & some is also her fault I've said things that I should have said & now I'm regretting it & I'm kicking my self & now that we are seeing the right papal we getting things back on the right track we are still talking to each other & trying to work this out.

saltysoil Unhappy in paradise
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Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum and have always wanted to post something about my own struggles. I've just recently, on the advice of the only friend I spoken to about depression, gone and seen my GP about the way I've been feeling for the last 3 ... View more

Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum and have always wanted to post something about my own struggles. I've just recently, on the advice of the only friend I spoken to about depression, gone and seen my GP about the way I've been feeling for the last 3 years. I've always been that person that everyone likes, but have not ever been fortunate enough to be seen as someone who another may be attracted to. I'm sure there are people in worse positions than me, I'm physically healthy, employed, have a loving extended family and I'm lucky enough to have been living in a beautiful tropical town for the past 12 years. To be 33 and having never had a girlfriend, makes me so sad I can't explain it. It never used to bother me, I know I'm well liked/respected in the community and I figured it would work out for me. To have never had someone care for me in that way, to have missed out on so many moments tears me up to the point where I just can't function when I'm alone with my thoughts. I know that to find a partner I need to be happy in myself and more confidant, but it's so hard. It sounds so selfish to me, but I would just love to have someone genuinely happy to see me, or to know that someone is just waiting for their work day to finish so they can rush over to be with me. I have so much love to give, but I'm afraid that I'll never be able to share it with anyone. As beautiful as my home is, it's transient nature is hurting me so badly. Watching friends pair up and leave all the time is constantly leaving me trying to chase new friends, and every year I fit in less and less as the new batch of people in town are always that few years younger. While I know I have to take risks, I'm worried that if I moved to the city, I'll just be another dull face in the crowd, at the very least here at home I'm well known. I think what makes me really upset at the moment is that the only person I've poured my heart out to about my feelings is also leaving in a few months, I'm not sure what to do then. I guess at the moment I'm just hoping the meds my doc put me on will help me feel well so I can at least get back to feeling happy, even if meeting a partner is not something that will happen. All I know is I can't cry myself to sleep anymore, I just hate the way I feel, and its taking all my effort to not hate myself. Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it.

Mares73 I'm back-latest chapter in my world of turmoil
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It's been quite a while since I posted. My husband has Acute leukaemia at 43 & had a bone marrow transplant. Who knows what his future will be-the uncertainty is really hard. I was involved with the Royal Commission & am pursuing a civil case against... View more

It's been quite a while since I posted. My husband has Acute leukaemia at 43 & had a bone marrow transplant. Who knows what his future will be-the uncertainty is really hard. I was involved with the Royal Commission & am pursuing a civil case against a priest who abused me when I was a teenager. I also thought my 16yr old daughter was coping amazing & was so proud of her. My 11yr old son hasn't coped well & is very hard to reach. He just wants his dad all the time he won't engage with me unless it's anger. i just found out by accidently seeing notes my daughter had written that she's not coping as I thought. She has immense underlying anxiety & anger towards me for the impact of my depression on her life. I feel I have 2 children who I have hurt so deeply with the symptoms of my illness. It crushes my heart. How can I make it better? How can I fix the damage I've caused? They needed me so much with their dad being sick. And I thought I was there for them but I obviously wasn't. I've tried to talk to my daughter about this & apologise but her response is always "I don't want to talk about this mum because I end up feeling guilty for being upset with you & nothing ever changes".I really fear them getting older & their main memories being of me depressed, letting them down & being over medicated. This is a reality. My illness has defined me as their mother. They are the main memories they have of me. And if I suggest taking them out they won't come & say " mum you never keep your promises so I'm not going to get excited, I don't have any expectations that you will do what you say". This is understandable as I have been sick more than a few times when I've promised to do things with them. im so low today. So full of self hate. So sad that they are drifting away from me. I don't know that this is something I can make right. I'm trying so so hard to communicate with them & suggest doing things together but they have lost interest. i had a abusive upbringing. I know the damage & scars it left on me. Now I'm leaving different scars on my children. They are my world. I cannot put into words how deep my love is. It's breaking my heart & creating more depression now that I know how deeply my illness has affected them. All I want in the world is my children's trust in me & to stop their love being overshadowed by my PTSD, depression &?anxiety. I feel so so sad & worthless & unhappy. mares

MisterM The smallest of triggers - it doesn't take much
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I am so sensitive that my feelings get hurt so easily and that sets me into a pattern of thinking (you are so stupid, no wonder noone likes you, I don't know why people want to be friends with me, I should just disappear). The smallest triggers set m... View more

I am so sensitive that my feelings get hurt so easily and that sets me into a pattern of thinking (you are so stupid, no wonder noone likes you, I don't know why people want to be friends with me, I should just disappear). The smallest triggers set me into a downward spiral. I was feeling great the last few days as I decided on which course I want to study in uni and applied. My best friend made a reply to a Facebook comment I made, he was joking around but it made me feel stupid. Sometimes the comments I leave I do not realise others see as silly, I do not meant to comes across like a fool, it makes me think I am a fool. In my head last night I kept saying to myself "he's only joking" "he's doing what close guy friends do and give each other s**t" "my gosh you are so sensitive" "you know he loves and cares about you as he has told you numerous times", but my emotions are of hating myself for appearing to be so stupid for the sometimes inane, pointless comments I leave on Facebook and kind of angry at my friend for making me feel stupid by pointing that out to me a number of times. I am aware he was joking around and that his reply in no way is meant to hurt me and shouldn't hurt me but it's like my emotions make me hate myself and get angry at him and want to disappear from any online presence. My friend has told me that is what is so endearing about me, my dagginess and some of the things I say sometimes which sound silly. But I feel unintelligent. Sometimes my mouth moves faster than my mind and I say dumb things. I can't understand why I react like this to something so trivial and harmless. I know there is no need to feel this way and try to get myself together but some force inside of me pulls me down and washes over me. I was feeling upbeat and positive about my future (going back to uni if I get accepted and hopefully into the career I want) and now I feel like I have no hope and don't feel motivated to do anything and am filled with a sadness. Anyone here react like I do? I wish I wasn't so easily hurt and had thick skin. I wish I could make things bounce off me instead of setting off my depressed mood and negative thinking and self loathing. My medication is not working at all, it should prevent this reaction from me.

Wah Cognitive issues and work
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Does anyone else have significant problems with their cognition as part of their depression? I am finding at present my mood is reasonably stable but i am unmotivated, lethargic and my brain is Slooow. It's like I cant string sentences together in my... View more

Does anyone else have significant problems with their cognition as part of their depression? I am finding at present my mood is reasonably stable but i am unmotivated, lethargic and my brain is Slooow. It's like I cant string sentences together in my head. I have to read everything twice or three times before I can retain it. I am normally a very sharp, very logical and quick thinker. And it seems the harder I try to make myself focus and think more clearly the worse it is. I am on Newstart and supposed to be applying for 20 jobs a fortnight. What do I do when I can hardly get my brain into gear to manage the basics? I do not think i could hold down a job in my chosen profession at present and am reluctant to take anything on in case I cant manage it. I registered with an agency for locum work and did not declare my history of depression under health issues. I really don't know what to do.Has anyone found any of the medications helpful with cognition?