First day in years without being on medication
Hi there. I've been a frequent flyer on the beyond blue forums in a past life and I'm back again these days. Just a bit of an update.
Over the past number of years I have been dealing with depression and anxiety. Part of my treatment plan has included medications with the help of specialists. Today is the first day where I will no longer be on medications and I am now going to start implementing better lifestyle choices.
Not too long ago I was in hospital, and also I had posted on here sharing about my expeirences with depression and anxiety.
I recently quit a full time job because it was not fulfilling enough and I believe that 2 years of covid lockdown has impacted all of us in some degree. For me this was especially hard given the lack of human contact.
I think it's fair to say that all of us want some change in our lives given the last 2 years. I am kind of comforted by that fact and that people no matter where you go on this planet will now have stories to tell about the impact of covid on their life.
Here's to new beginnings and the notion of rebirth
I wish you all the best - that you don't have much in the way of 'withdrawal' symptoms from not using the meds now. When I stopped the meds I was on some years ago, I was forewarned about how I might feel, certain ways the decresing amount of the meds in my body might make me feel, & I did have some of that, but because I knew I might, I was able to tolerate the time it took for my body to adjust. In a sense, I thought of it like that: an adjustment period.
I still talk to my PDr, & am coping well enough to have not even considered meds for anxiety or depression (& nothing else relevant to him) since.For me, it's been all about learning I can, I do have resources & skills, can learn new skills too. So many 'little' things I barely know they are in my toolbox until I'm using them. 😺
There have been times when I certainly don't feel I have the energy to have to think of how to care for myself when thesse tools are needed. Making what we have learned our first response is so important, so I'm not responding as I once had, with thinking & doing things that don't work.
Am I making sense?
I have accepted I have a lifetime of learning how to be my own best friend. I'm not there , yet, but much closer than I ever thought possible. I never even thought writing as I do here would be something I would do until last year. & when I joined BB I thought it would only be a tempory thing for the uncertain way I was feeling, in anticipation of my PDr's break.
Do you ever look back at your early posts? See how far you've come, by reading what you wrote then? If you haven't, you just might amaze yourself. (I'm predicting this as someone who has not read your earliest posts - I don't know where they are).
Warm regards, ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Hi mmMekitty and thanks for jumping onboard the Hams Express
Yes I believe my doctor mentioned this. I have been experiencing some levels of low mood and anxiety, but I have largely been controlling it. There are no external stimuli in my life atm that are giving me any heightened sense of anxiety. Perhaps the only thing I have noticed is that being at home most of the time has made me slightly more depressed, but then I know what the alternative is. I believe this feeling of depression can be mitigated so long as I continue to focus on what I like and turning THAT into something. I have literally gone back to basics. Even avoiding some food groups (like carbs) which have made me tired in the morning and of course sugar which has made me feel highs and lows (physical not mood).
I have been playing a lot of healing music in the background lately too.
You're exactly right - it is an adjustment period.
Yes you are making sense my friend. The toolbox analogy is good. Yes I think there are things in my toolbox that need to be mended as I have not used them for quite some time haha. Today for example I got up early and went to see sunrise at the beach. I live 30 mins away from a beach you see. So make the most of the opportunity right?
I am quite sleepy atm but I believe this is a good thing. Hopefully I can see the day through and sleep well.
Yeah I think I've come quite far and I have been told this. But going to your point about being my best friend - I think I have been my worst enemy for too long. So that is a 180 spin. So many things are happening, have happened AND WILL HAPPEN. This is this thing called life isn't it?
Onwards we go. Glad to have you onboard my friend 🙂
Thinking of you, & how much (& how common it is) to not be our own best friends. Isn't it odd, when we try to think how we'd respond to a best friend in need, we respond differently than we have to our own needs. I think when our first response is to reject, minimise, deny or even ridicule our needs & feelings that we even have the need for our needs to be recognised, is the time to imagine if this was a best friend feeling & needing in this way - & how we would respond.
I think this is a great way to gauge how well we are treating ourselves. & I'd suggest looking in the mirror & talking to yourself as you would a best friend every day.
You said in your first post to this thread, that you had quit your unfulfilling job, & how COVID has impacted your life - not seeing people as much as you'd like. Have you considered ways of having interactions with people, new friends, old friends, hobby groups/study groups? Is it essential to meet people in a physical place, or would an online place be okay (with good security of your i.d. & info, of-course)? Any thoughts?
My best thoughts,
good evening mmMekitty and Linger316
I am writing to now after having had somewhat of a surreal experience. You see I was on LinkedIn just now and saw some of my old colleagues talking about going to a networking event in the city. I remember thinking long ago when I first joined that industry that this networking event was something I wanted to go to. Oh how things have changed my friends and if only I could go back and say to my old self what has happened since.
You see I think I have for too long been too ready to dismiss what i care about and pursue what was safe and secure. I read a quote today - "I would rather go slow in the right direction, than at a great speed in the wrong direction".
It reaffirmed me. Onwards I go I guess hey?
Another reassuing thing was realising I have seen and met people in different walks of life and in different parts of this world. It was reassuring to me as it told me that what I am injecting into the world is coming back. It is being returned.
Yeah @mmMekitty I do. I find a balance in both is good. I am now of the view that I may leave this country for a time and see more of this world. The truer side to our nature as a species? I'm not too sure. But to answer you - i like both and I suppose it does depend on context. Through uni study last year (100% online, I know of 1 or 2 people on linkedin now).
Hi @Linger316 no i am not working at the present time, I am however doing things in my field for free and online. This has given me time to heal. I am also coming of medication and this has been a challenge I feel. Half of life is timing. the other half is luck
The more and more I think of it the more it occurs to me that I am going closer to thing that calls me. Balancing out the insecurities and anxieties with tampered daring and introspection.
"It is what it is"
I wish you only the best as you step foot into this new part of your life. I wish you only the best as new and perhaps some old familiar aspects of you begin to come to life more.
As 'the wonderer' in you begins to come to life more (wondering what it would feel like to see the sunrise, for example), credit to you for over riding the internal dialogue many would be influenced by, 'It's too far away, I'll do it another time perhaps'. Serve that part of you that wonders and longs for adventure. Trust and serve 'the feeler' in you that holds the ability to feel what's depressing, such as a job or a period of time (COVID lockdowns) that feel simply depressing. Give respect to 'the analyst' that analyses the hell out of things so that heavenly revelations direct your course away from what feels like hell on earth. Tip your hat to 'the natural chemist' and 'the dietician' in you, that question the impact of the chemistry in food when it meets with your own internal chemistry. For 'the physicist' in you, allow that part of you to explore all things 'energy'. From science to spirituality, the range of information is enormous. From the energy of food and chemistry, to the energy of our thoughts and how those thoughts impact our body (energy in motion), to how sound leads our cells to vibrate the way they do (thanks to positive vibing music), as I say, there is so much to explore. I relate to 'the philosopher' and 'the sage' in you that dictate 'Life will feel painful at times'. The labor pains of rebirth can feel unbearable at times. Then there is 'the intolerant' sense of self that will show you what's intolerable. There are so many more facets to us than simply these alone.
I wish someone had said to me, from the very beginning 'As you go through life, there will many many aspects of you that will gradually come to life. Some will be suddenly triggered, some with come to life gradually and some will come to life with greater care and attention. Being a gal who loves 'the observer' in me, this sense of self has always been there, in one way or another. I've discovered, choosing how to observe is key. Whether it's feelings we're observing, how our thoughts feel when they interact with our body (in sensational ways), or observing through 100% pure analysis (emotional detachment) as a way of managing depression, the observer in us has much to offer.
Cheers to that part of you that has led you to step foot on this path of self understanding 🙂