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BeyondBlue Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started
  • replies: 0

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for ... View more

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for coming this far, we know it can be really hard to take these steps if depression is in your life - we see you and think this is a great step. To get the most out of this space we have a few tips: Get involved. The Forums work best for you when you get active and post where you can. Now, we know that can be really hard, especially when you are experiencing depression. So, if you can post something supportive to someone else here, that would be an incredible start. Speak from the heart. This community wants to know how YOU feel and what has worked for YOU. We trust that you have something unique to say and we can’t wait to hear it. Check in. Lots of the discussions in this section of the Forums have been going for years and they are some of the richest conversations we have. Keep checking in to get new ideas and offer your support. We know it can be tough to start, but when you are ready we want to hear your thoughts. If you need some time to get to know the community, that's okay! Have a look around and see where you want to get involved. Thank you for being here! Beyond Blue

Jeriava How do I talk to my doctor?
  • replies: 9

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really ... View more

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really scared that they’ll judge me or won’t believe anything I say. I’m really anti social so I feel like I won’t be able to say what I wanna say or I’ll say the wrong thing causing them to just dismiss me and move me along without helping. I’m just tired of feeling alone, depressed and just worthless but I’m really scared to talk to them.

AGrace SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION
  • replies: 132

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the ... View more

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the 5 senses Distress Tolerance – Accepting Emotions and Self Soothing Distraction – Put the thoughts/feelings aside and come back to them when you are ready to deal with them Positive Affirmations – Have some affirmations written down repeat them to yourself daily Sleep/Exercise/Diet – All 3 aspects of our lifestyle can impact the way we think/feel Increasing Pleasurable Activities – Engage in at least one pleasurable activity per day

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SweetChariot Feeling ashamed and stressed. I seem to always make the wrong decisions and I can't ever be happy
  • replies: 3

I recently was in a role which I hated for years and decided to give myself an ultimatum to quit and find a new role or to begin a masters program or further study in an area I would enjoy more in January. I wanted to allow myself this happiness of c... View more

I recently was in a role which I hated for years and decided to give myself an ultimatum to quit and find a new role or to begin a masters program or further study in an area I would enjoy more in January. I wanted to allow myself this happiness of change and to force myself to do something different but I feel I haven't been able to enjoy anything. I have enough savings to not worry about working for months and I have found a new role but I have been very stressed and upset due to the long HR and background check process. Although I received the role confirmation in the first week of November , it seems I wont be able to start until earliest mid January and I fear if they have another security check delay, until February. I find myself very stressed out as people ask me what I am doing in my time now and when I will start the role but in all honesty I do not know and feel as though I don't want to speak to anyone or be around people. I feel also stressed and sad as I was offered another role which I rejected for this position that I would have already started in November but I had hoped the role I am now waiting for would be better. I feel sad that I am waiting for so long and feel people must be judging me and thinking poorly of me for not just staying longer in the job I originally had until my clearances were complete as I left that role in October. I feel also quite lost and unsure of myself. I want to try and do the right thing and be a good person. I thought I would give myself a break and be proud of making his change but I just feel awful and sad and unable to enjoy it because of the uncertainty and delays in the background process. I also fear what if this new role isn't actually any better and maybe it is just me that can't seem to find my place or find satisfaction in what I am doing. I feel I don't have anything to look forward to or be proud of and feel as though if this role doesn't work out, (whenever I do start) that I may fall apart. I don't know what else to try and am losing the strength to keep hoping. I wish I was a better person and made better decisions and just feel so upset and uncertain of whether things will turn out better for me in the near future. I wish I had something good for myself that I could be proud of. I feel like I am failing and I want to be better.

Eventually Self destruction or self sabotage
  • replies: 4

For as long as I can remember I self sabotage myself whenever I begin to be happy. I have just resigned from a job I love with amazing people going back to a job full of stress and mind games i Fail at every friendship I try to make I don’t know what... View more

For as long as I can remember I self sabotage myself whenever I begin to be happy. I have just resigned from a job I love with amazing people going back to a job full of stress and mind games i Fail at every friendship I try to make I don’t know what I am doing wrong. Feeling soo lonely and disconnected from the world. don’t know what to do anymore. my daughter is such a strong independent world who I am soo proud of but how can I be a positive influence when I am failing at every part of life not sure what point when feeling like this anymore

mcc Bipolar, Depression and Anxiety
  • replies: 4

Hi, I am 24 years old and have suffered from Depression and Anxiety for a very long time but have fairly recently been diagnosed with Bipolar. I am very low and would be lying if I didn't occasionally have very bad and dark thoughts. I am 100% safe a... View more

Hi, I am 24 years old and have suffered from Depression and Anxiety for a very long time but have fairly recently been diagnosed with Bipolar. I am very low and would be lying if I didn't occasionally have very bad and dark thoughts. I am 100% safe and would never action the thoughts but the idea of it is common in my head. I was on the up and everything was improving and recently relapsed (not sure if that is the correct word). I have a lot of feeling nothing and has seen a lot of good things in my life come to an end. I have started drinking with my mates again and I feel absolutely on top of the world at the time but I regret drinking so much for days afterwards. I am scared and just embarrassed of myself. I am at home today just having panic attacks and just absolutely hate myself. I see a doctor and counsellor weekly and I just do not know what to do because nothing seems to be working. Any tips or anything at all would be appreciated.

bonavitae Hope I post in the right forum!
  • replies: 15

Hey everyone, I am not sure if it's the right forum, but here it goes. I don't have a lot of people I can talk to about anything. Feel empty, lost, don't know what to do anymore, like I don't know who I really am anymore and don't know where to start... View more

Hey everyone, I am not sure if it's the right forum, but here it goes. I don't have a lot of people I can talk to about anything. Feel empty, lost, don't know what to do anymore, like I don't know who I really am anymore and don't know where to start looking or even where to start to a degree but I guess here is a good start. For the last 5years or so, everything has just be steadily "declining". Jumped from job to job in Sydney, either didn't suit, got fed up with management and finally terminated because I didnt follow the "sales steps" and had a more down to earth and easy going style (which received good feedback from my clients and meeting targets). So after I was fired in late 2018, just before Covid, I had to move in with family back out in the Central West and it's been eating away at me. Since being back had another few other things happen and it feels like I just can't get anything right, and probably never will. As an example; I had gotten a job and was working full-time, with clients ringing head office and posting some pretty good reviews and feedback, but it didn't work out there either and that was about 12mths ago. Within a few weeks of moving back in with family, my epilepsy started playing up again after 4yrs seizure free and unmedicated. The family members I moved in with irritate the absolute (Little Brother who owns the house, his new gf who moved in a few mths ago after dating for about 3-5mths and aged mother), irritate **** out of me with everything! To add to it, I have no privacy with both my brother walking into my bedroom at anytime for a smoke and his gf occasionally following him (yes, both whilst I am in there laying down relaxing, sleeping or not in there). I am probably being nasty because mum is in alot of pain and her health's not exactly great, but her constant moaning and groaning gets to me, amongst a few other things. She also feels the need to narrate the things she is doing or going to do, such as "I am going to have a shower and lay down" and everytime I have to hold myself back from saying, "I don't care. If you want to have a shower and lay down than do it, I dont need to know." So I am probably being nasty there. Anyway long story short, I just don't know anymore. I fall asleep some nights with tears in my eyes wondering and wanting to just disappear, not dead just alone. Any advice on where to start?

bonavitae Hope I posted in the right forum!
  • replies: 2

I don't really know what to write or where to start. The last 3-5yrs have been a steady downfall and have been feeling empty, lost, no motivation (for a while) and noone to really talk to. In 2018 had to move from sydney back to the Central West afte... View more

I don't really know what to write or where to start. The last 3-5yrs have been a steady downfall and have been feeling empty, lost, no motivation (for a while) and noone to really talk to. In 2018 had to move from sydney back to the Central West after issues with work and moved in with family, little brother owns the house and aged mum, and his gf (who moved in about 4-5mths ago after 3mths of dating) live there too, but I generally keep to myself, even eating dinner in my room. Since moving back in 2018, it feels like everything is on a steady downfall and not getting any better. I am epileptic and had lived for 4yrs unmedicated seizure free, and as soon as I move back to the Central West after Sydney, my epilepsy starts and I am back on medication again. The last job I had about 10mths ago, I was terminated after a client's mother abused me and I defended myself, every other clients had nothing but good feedback but only takes one I guess. Had a seizure driving after work and lost my licence for 12mths. The time comes for me to get a letter from my neurologist to have my licence unsuspended after 12mths seizure free medicated, the new neurologist refused to do telehealth or zoom etc and she deemed my emotional upset and distress as intimidating and aggressive, and now refuses to see me which means I have to drive to drive about 200km to see one or pay hundreds to see a private one if the do zoom. Mum has chronic pain and other health issues that she has been dealing with for a long time, but her constant moaning and groaning all the time gets to me and irritates the **** out of me, it's the same thing everyday over and over and over. What makes it worse is she narrates nearly everything she does to you and things like "Bona, I am going to have a shower and lay down for an hr" and it takes a lot not to snap at her and say "I don't care! If you wanna shower and lay down just do it, I don't need to know!" I have little to no privacy living in my brother's house at all. Little Brother will just walk in to my room to have a smoke, no knock, nothing just walks in has a smoke and leaves (5-6 times a day), and in some cases his gf will come into my room as well following him. It happens whether I am in there or not, with his gf even going in my room when I am in the lounge room just to pick up my cat off my bed. Even coming into my room to pat the cat laying on my chest on my bed, by herself. Everything has felt off and not quite right for a solid 12mths.

MissJ94 Struggling with job search
  • replies: 8

Ive been unemployed for almost four months now. Im a registered nurse, ive gone for so many interviews and still no job. I have bills and debts piling up and have no way of paying them. My centrelink payments leave me with about $300 for the fortnigh... View more

Ive been unemployed for almost four months now. Im a registered nurse, ive gone for so many interviews and still no job. I have bills and debts piling up and have no way of paying them. My centrelink payments leave me with about $300 for the fortnight after rent is paid which is supposed to go towards petrol, food, phone/internet, water, electricity, medications and then the bills i have had to get extensions on and afterpay/zippay(so i could actually have a present for my family members next saturday). I didnt want to use afterpay/zippay but i had no other choice, i couldnt have just got nothing for Christmas, i have a 10 year old, it probably would have killed me more than him if he got nothing for Christmas... I might have a job coming up but thats still at least a week or two away, i only completed the pre-employment checks today after a positive interview earlier this week. So ill still have no money coming in until January. I didnt want to be in this position! I hate being in this position! I cant ask anyone for money because mum has already helped me out too much and i have no other family or friends that can help. I wish i hadnt been harassed at my previous job, i wish i was still working i wish i could work fulltime hours but my bipolar prevents me from that due to the effects of the medication(extreme exhaustion). I wish i could be in a position to say i live comfortably, that one day i might be well off enough to buy a house. All i can think of now to help is attempting to withdraw some of my super. Its the only way i can think of that would help right now.

DetectivePanda When I think about not having close friends or being in a relationship, I feel extremely lonely and depressed. I'm at a loss for what to do.
  • replies: 3

I've been trying my hardest to get better lately, such as going to the gym regularly, going out with friends more, studying and doing assignments even though I don't want to, but I still feel really depressed and lonely. I have a group of school frie... View more

I've been trying my hardest to get better lately, such as going to the gym regularly, going out with friends more, studying and doing assignments even though I don't want to, but I still feel really depressed and lonely. I have a group of school friends, but we rarely hang out after school, and even when they do, I rarely get invited, though this is getting better. However, I feel it is never enough, never meaningful enough, and will not always make me feel better. Like, we have this other group at school that is exceptionally close, and I really wish I could be a part of it or at least have something similar to it, but I don't. They are constantly visiting each other's homes, exchanging gifts, assisting one another, watching movies, celebrating Christmas and birthdays together, and so on. When I think about it, it makes me feel incredibly lonely and makes me cry because I desperately want to have close friends like that or, at the very least, be in a relationship. I'm stuck; I know I should focus on myself and try to improve, but I can't seem to shake this sad, lonely feeling and wish I could have friends like those or be in a relationship. What should I do?

Lenny226 Last day of work as a teacher aide at a school and upsetting comment from principal
  • replies: 5

Unfortunately my contract was not renewed for next year as a teacher aide at a primary school. My confidence was already very low and I was feeling hopeless and unworthy. I felt like everyone at work thought I was not good enough. I had my last day o... View more

Unfortunately my contract was not renewed for next year as a teacher aide at a primary school. My confidence was already very low and I was feeling hopeless and unworthy. I felt like everyone at work thought I was not good enough. I had my last day of work today. They had some professional development for the staff about looking after yourself and your mental health and well-being. I got home and opened my goodbye card and noticed a comment from the principal: ‘shit happens’ with his name underneath. I was devastated and shocked and took this very personally.

Bigboy31 Think I'm done...
  • replies: 3

Hello all. Not looking for any responses, but I just need to vent in a safe place. I'm in my mid-40s, and currently working in a job that requires high-volume and repetitive processing. Up to now, I haven't minded that but it is not what I was brough... View more

Hello all. Not looking for any responses, but I just need to vent in a safe place. I'm in my mid-40s, and currently working in a job that requires high-volume and repetitive processing. Up to now, I haven't minded that but it is not what I was brought into the company for - I was brought in as a temp to work on a large remediation project. However, priorities within the company have changed and I'm now doing this other work. I was also working in the office largely on my own during lockdown and have struggled coping with people coming back in, surrounding where I work and making a lot of noise. And quite recently I have been blocked on Instagram and had a Facebook friend request rejected by a colleague who up to now I had no problem working with and thought the same back. Also, since my birthday in early September, my father has been in hospital with lung and knee issues. We know he will still be there for Christmas and because of COVID restrictions imposed by the hospital, my mum and I are not allowed to visit him. Doesn't help that his memory loss is getting worse and that even though we have asked the hospital to provide updates as to what treatment is being given, we have not received anything from them - we only find out by asking ourselves. I have been trying to remain strong for my mum as she is also stressed by what is going on with Dad, but I am really tired now and losing the will to go on. So, a job I am not enjoying, people I work with have unknown issues with me that make me anxious and nervous about what will happen next, family problems and a total lack of direction about what I want to do or even if I want to do anything. I hate to say this but waking up each day is a huge struggle, going to work is a huge struggle and being a good son is a huge struggle - I think I'm done and am about to cut my losses on a lot of those things - even life itself. To be brutally honest, other than my family I'm pretty sure I won't be missed or remembered fondly, only by people who want something from me rather than just be happy with having me. Not a way to live a life, is it?

Jordon23 Drowning yet Breathing fine
  • replies: 3

I'm not rly sure what to say, i'm just venting ig. I have struggled with Suicidal depression for almost half my life. I'm almost 20 and have been struggling with depression since I was 10 and have been suicidal since I was 13. Almost 7 years later an... View more

I'm not rly sure what to say, i'm just venting ig. I have struggled with Suicidal depression for almost half my life. I'm almost 20 and have been struggling with depression since I was 10 and have been suicidal since I was 13. Almost 7 years later and about 4ish years since all the bullying, harassment and exclusion has stopped since i left at the end of year 10 and my life is flourishing. I have finished 3 years studying something I love, started a job that i rly like and am surrounded by great people. So i am so F***ing angry that i still feel like i want to fall asleep and never wake up. I have literally almost everything good going for me in life and have so much to be thankful for but my default mood always goes right back to not wanting to be alive anymore. I'm surrounded by amazing people yet feel so disconnected from them and feel like they would be better off without me. I have never felt like I truly fit in anywhere and have never had a proper friend group that hand on my heart could say that I could depend on them. I hate myself so much and I see no reason why I do, but I also know exactly why. All I can see is how much I hurt people and make them feel uncomfortable because I find it very hard to read people and as a result, unintentionally cross boundaries all the time. I'm always interested in something else people are interested in and I feel like I just let everyone down all the time. In a weird way, I find it funny to call myself suicidal because I never actively planned to commit suicide, BUT I have hurt myself multiple times and thinking "I'm doing this to punish myself but If it goes worse, just let it happen". People keep seeing how I'm hurting physically and ask me what's wrong but I don't want to tell them because their lives are happy and I don't want to burden them with something they can't understand or control. My life is progressing so well and so quickly yet I feel so stuck and feel like I'm drowning and every breath I take feels like a sin. I won't actually do anything because I know how much it hurts people, but I cant seem to get better permenately regardless of meds and therapy. I just don't know what else to do.