I need some help...
I'm not sure how to start this post.
I'm a 27 year old female. I have ADHD, Specific Language Impairment, Anxiety, Depression , Social Anxiety and maybe OCD??.
I have trouble socializing, I feel socially awkward most of the time, even with some of my family, people also sometimes treat me different because of my disability.
I have trouble making friends. I feel like most of the time people don't want to talk
to me or they can't be bothered, that they rather talk to other people instead. Most of my life this has been
happening. It was like that at primary school,high school, tafe, and now. It makes me feel like
I am not good enough.That no one wants to be my friend. And it hurts me so much. I feel so lonely.
I have had friends in the past, but some ended up using me, and some didn't put a lot of effect in.
Most of my life I have had no friends.
I feel like I am a damaged person, I really want to make friends. I want people to talk to me more, to want to spend
time with me. I feel so hurt by people. Even my own sisters don't bother talking to me, they
talk to each other but not me and they are family.
I do go out, but I have only been going to this meet up where I play board games with other women, but I find it very difficult to socialize.
I have been to counselors/psychologists before, but that didn't help.
Most of my life i have been dealing with mental illness.
Mostly anxiety a bit of OCD, during high school my anxiety was so bad that I though I was losing my mind and that I was losing control. I didn't tell anyone what was wrong (including the school counselor) because I thought that it wasn't normal and I thought it was weird.
I also have a anger problem, because I feel hurt, and because of my ADHD. I feel like sometimes I just lose it. I get angry very easily and I feel like a horrible person because of it.
I have so many things wrong with my life. Also, I have no self esteem, no self worth, I just wanna be happy. To have a normal life.
I am also having trouble getting a job, I have applied for so many, I really want a job. So one day I can move out of home. At the moment I am trying to get my license. I have been on my L plates for 4 years because I don't have much confidence when I drive.
I really don't know what to do. I just want to have friends, move out of home, have a job and my p plates. Am I really asking for too much?
Any feedback would help. Thanks
Dear blue moon,
Thank you so much for expressing your personal issues, I am really proud of you for reaching out on the forums. It sounds like you are going through a great deal at the moment and I can understand how you would be feeling. It is really tough to deal with all of this on your own. I too suffer from depression and anxiety too. I also sometimes struggle to connect with others, as I don't know what to say to them. People most likely treat you differently because they would have a lack of understanding into your disability. There is a lot of stigma attached to mental health, we are trying to break that stigma with beyond blue. Do you go out of your comfort zone and introduce yourself to people? Sometimes people will not approach you unless you do it first. Ive been finding this with friends that I have, nobody ever asks me to hang out. I usually have to ask them. People have got lazy these days I think.
Thanks for your post and I'm sorry to hear you feel so hurt. I understand there's a lot going on at the moment, and a lot of things in your life which you really would like to be different.
Positive_vibes89 made a really good point about people not understanding mental health and treating us differently because of it. I suffered from depression a few years back and that was something I noticed a lot as well. It made socialising and feeling less alone even harder than it normally is.
You mentioned in your post that you have been to counselors and psychologists before but they didn't help. Just to help me understand your support at the moment, are you still seeing anyone or have you stopped for the moment?
Otherwise, I don't want to ask too many questions for now. It sounds like there's a lot going on and I mostly just wanted to let you know that we're here to talk to you and support you.