feeling that no one likes me at work

Santana · ‎16-09-2018

Hi guys,

I am feeling increasingly anxious about not being liked at work. I know that depression can cloud our thinking but I also think I am quite perceptive so I am not sure if I am right to feel this way or not. I am middle aged and for a while I was mostly working with younger people (although now it's more of a mixed team), and finding it difficult to connect. I feel like I always say the wrong thing, even when I am genuinely trying to be nice, I feel that people think I am being patronising. One particular colleague is super smart and is always praised by our manager and I honestly feel inadequate. He is really nice and helpful to everyone but when I ask for help he either doesn't help me or says things like : 'Oh really, you don't know that?' in an arrogant tone. Now I feel like I am constantly replaying what I say in my head and worrying about what other people must be thinking. My anxiety is on the rise and depression usually follows. I don't know what to do. I am on medication but it's only ever just taken the edge off. I don't think I have truly felt happy and well for the longest time. I also see a counsellor and we have tried CBT and mindfulness. Just right now I am really struggling and I need to know if other people experience this sort of thing and how they cope. I'd be grateful for any thoughts on this thanks.

blondguy · ‎16-09-2018

Hello Santana

Firstly...thankyou for the support you have provided to other posts to people doing it hard..Nice1

I am in my 50's and have been in corporate for approx 36 years and understand what you are going through and it can be a pain. I have been on AD's for 22 years whilst working which has provided me with a solid foundation on which I have healed more effectively with

Good on you for seeing a counselor Santana! (there are many people that dont and think they can heal) CBT is a good idea....and does work. Can I ask how frequently you have seen your counselor?

You are perceptive in your thinking and you also have knowledge where depression is concerned too...(clouding one's thinking) You are feeling the same way I did in my 40's Santana.

You mentioned "He is really nice and helpful to everyone but when I ask for help he either doesn't help me or says things like : 'Oh really, you don't know that?' in an arrogant tone" Your younger colleague is doing everything possible to climb the ladder. He is merely quietly growling at you for being older and having more experience which is a threat to his career advancement (and ego)

You dont have to struggle on this Santana....You are not alone on this matter in any way

The forums are a safe and non judgemental place for you to post. Your health and privacy is paramount to us

Thankyou so much for being a part of The Beyond Blue forum Family Santana 🙂

My kind thoughts.....and please post back when convenient for you

Paul

Santana · ‎17-09-2018

Dear Paul,

thank you so much for your kind reply. I literally breathed easier as I read your comments. I also have been on ADs on and off for 20 years and see my psychologist every 3-4 weeks. I guess sometimes it'd really help to have a sounding board and I hope this forum could do that for me. My partner is not someone I can talk to (that's another issue) and it's hard to know who you can trust on this sort of thing. I will try to remind myself what you said about my colleague trying to climb the ladder, that's 100% correct. It can be difficult when you hear someone getting only praise and your experience of them is quite different. Anyway, big thanks for being there.

blondguy · ‎19-09-2018

Hi Santana

Thankyou heaps for posting back and for the super kind compliments too 🙂

The forums have been an invaluable resource for me after I was made redundant in early 2016. My depression was spiking and had huge support from the kind members here. Actually I have experienced major recovery by being a part of the Beyond Blue forums

I am sorry that your partner is not someone that you can turn to for support. This can be a huge bonus when we have an understanding partner.

You are proactive for having realistic/regular appointments with a counselor. Doing so does help us heal more effectively. Your colleague at work should bear in mind that their true attitude towards others may have a detrimental effect on his own progress while climbing that corporate ladder...

I really hope you can continue to be a part of the Beyond Blue forums Santana

Please let us know how you are going...when you have the time of course!

my kind thoughts

Paul