First time really seeking help for depression.

[Josh021]

Hi this is my first post on here, i'm not sure if i'm meant to be introducing myself or not. This is a little bit confronting for me as i have difficulties discussing this at all. But I really feel like i need to be able to share this & maybe have somebody who cares enough to listen. I feel like it could do me a lot of good.

To introduce myself a little, I've struggled with depression & nightmares for 6 years now, the year that I graduated from high school I began to feel extremely isolated. I had no one to talk to, I had no idea at all what i wanted in life & no real life skills.

Without any idea what i wanted in life I kind of gambled on an interest i had at the time & jumped into a fitness Degree. This unfortunately turned out to be a horrible idea as my problems with Social skills really hit hard & inevitably caused me to fail leaving me $3,600 in debt with an entire year wasted with nothing to show for it as well as angering my parents enough that i was kicked out of home. For the next 2 years i bounced between degrading casual jobs, with no friends or family to support me what so ever.

3 years after graduating I finally made another friend, who later went on to become my girlfriend. Having her in my life led me to so much advancement in my life, I got an enjoyable well paying job, paid my debt back to my parents & made amends & overall felt significantly happier. Though for the past year since then I started to feel that same old sadness coming back, looking at my life I'd think to myself none of this is what i want. This was true for almost everything. However i told myself i was okay because I thought I at least had a partner for life & that was 1 thing that made me genuinely happy.

Anyways, 3 months ago we broke up & this led us to stop talking as a whole. In that time i hadn't made any more friends & with her gone that 1 shred of happiness that remained is gone. I'm now stuck in what i feel to be a worst position than I ever have been before, I do not enjoy any of my previous hobbies anymore, I go to work & honestly feel like i struggle to not break down while I'm there now & every night i go to bed unable to sleep for hours because i am unable to stop thinking about how much i miss her.

Im not particularly sure how to wrap this up. But for all those who have read & might have say something to say, thankyou so much for giving me your time. I apologise for how incoherent this probably comes across to read.

[Birdy77]

Hello Josh,

It is so good that you have reached out here for some support during this very lonely and hurting time for you.

I just really wanted to say that you are amongst friends here, we understand and we will listen to you and care.

It sounds like your relationship breakup has really hurt your heart. I am sorry you are in this heart breaking space at the moment ... I hope you can be really gentle with yourself during this time. It will take time, so also be patient with yourself.

You said you are feeling so low that you have lost interest in your hobbies. Does starting a new hobby sound like something that you could manage? I just thought maybe something fresh and that required a lot of focus could help.

Do you have anyone to talk with and support you now? You said you mended your relationship with your parents, so this is a good start. Do you have a counsellor or therapist who you can talk through this recent breakup with? I found it extremely helpful to work through my pain with a therapist after a breakup had left me a shell of a person.

You are always welcome here Josh.

🌻birdy

[therising]

Hi Josh021

When transition periods are incredibly tough support is key, especially when depression is a factor. Having someone to help manage, whether they be professional or a little closer to home, is like having a surrogate mind of sorts (someone who can see through the darkness as your guide).

Society has become somewhat performance based which puts a lot of pressure on those who feel like they are 'underachieving'. I feel the performance thing is definitely a factor which goes toward explaining such a high rate of depression these days. Unfortunately, the pressure on males has always been high. It's important to keep in mind the idea that 'achievement' relates solely to perception. Whilst one person may see an achiever as a CEO of some major business, another person relates to he or she who works as a sales assistant and uses their income to raise a family or support a passion in sky-diving, traveling or whatnot. Again, perception. Knowing what we want to do in life, what we want to achieve, can be a trial and error thing sometimes (before we find true satisfaction or a sense of purpose). Personally, I studied graphic design for several months at one stage of my life before I decided it was not for me.

Crisis of identity can be a major factor in depression. Who are we if we can't identify/associate with many of the aspects in life? It would be overwhelming to find the person closest to you, who helped you identify with life, absent. Losing a relationship definitely adds an element of grief to the mix and I'm sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time all 'round. Again, I feel guidance is key at this stage in order to set you in the best direction, on your road to recovery. Of course, the sleep deprivation doesn't help things, as it can not only act as a cruel form of torture but also messes with the brain chemistry already present in depression. Finding natural sleep therapies is something worth considering whilst you deal with your grief over the relationship.

#1 message Josh, find some guidance as you transition into a new part of your life. I know I'm sounding a little repetitive here but that 'surrogate mind' can help make all the difference.

Take care

[Josh021]

Thankyou both for the replies. Its nice to have people show they care.

Im currently not in therapy though i was meaning to start earlier this week. Unfortunately the therapist in my area won't be back until August 6th. I live in a small area so there's only one anywhere nearby which sucks. Outside of that my parents aren't really an option to talk to about these things because they're more of the "get over it" kinda people. They seem to struggle understanding the idea behind an emotional sickness.

Outside of that i've been spending a lot of my spare time trying to think of something more validating that i can start doing, either career wise or hobby wise & I've really drawn a blank so far. But I'm definitely trying to find that thing that hopefully might get my mind off some of the more darker thoughts I tend to dwell on.

Regarding sleep therapy im not sure I'd actually like to do anything to cause me to start sleeping more, as I mentioned above but didn't really elaborate upon. I have pretty frequent nightmares & at times waking up after them can leave me in a worst state than even some of my worst days can. I'm not sure if i'm willing to put up with a higher chance of having more of those unfortunately. Though i definitely understand what you mean about sleep deprivations effect on brain chemistry.

I think overall I just need to keep working on finding something that might help me get a bit of joy into my life again. I used to really enjoy sports but I worry about how I react to disappointing results in competition. I can be overly critical of myself especially when it comes to things based on skill & I'd hate to do something to make myself feel worst. Hopefully When I start therapy in 2 weeks(ish) I might be able to start working out something to help me feel a bit better.

[therising]

Hi Josh021

The waiting game is a tough one when it comes to seeing someone who can help, face to face. A shame your parents aren't approachable. Unless we're bruised, broken or bleeding, some people just don't understand the pain.

I get the competition thing! Personal bests or friendly interaction have always been my thing. I used to play a bit of tennis some years ago and would often play on the condition it was a friendly hit and not a serious game. I enjoyed the exercise and social aspect, with a chance to improve in my ability.

In regard to the nightmares, I imagine this is something the therapist will cover seeing they can be so debilitating. The brain is a complex thing, as you would know. Dreams/nightmares are often our brain's cryptic way of giving us a view into our own psyche.

As far as hobbies go, keep an eye out for anything that sparks an interest (even in the slightest). For example, you could be at the local hardware store and see a piece of wood leading you to think, 'What would I make out of that given the chance?' You could be walking past a neighbor's garden and think, 'I'd like to plant tomatoes/a vegetable garden.' Or perhaps you're just looking around the house thinking 'That room would look better with a brighter coat of paint; it's so dark and depressing at the moment.' We typically gravitate towards a healthy hobby/interest because it gives us a sense of achievement. Some form of creativity also helps us prove to our brain that we have the ability to change our environment/circumstances, even just a little.

Take care Josh021

[Josh021]

Hey guys i thought i would just pop in & give a quick update.

I've had no luck finding any hobbies or new friends, though i have been forcing myself to try.

As of late my sleeping has been awful, in the last week i have managed to get 8 hours of sleep. Didn't sleep at all on saturday or sunday, yet even with so little sleep its still really difficult to sleep. Finding eating difficult too, but no weight loss thankfully. Hoping i can fix that before it becomes a major problem.

I have decided to dedicate myself to fixing my personality flaws. Am starting therapy in 4 days, & somewhat excited to be able to have someone to confide in & talk to, though I am also nervous that the therapist may not think i am worth the effort & less will be put into me. I understand this is a pretty silly thing to be afraid of but I've not been able to get it out of my head.

1 last thing, I was told by a doctor I should be on anti-depressants but i am nervous due to the potential downsides. If there is any1 reading who minds sharing their experience I would like to know how manageable they are.

Sorry that this post is all over the place

[therising]

Hi Josh

In regard to the therapy aspect and whether you're worth the effort, I'll give you an analogy which I hope helps. Remember, it doesn't matter how depression comes about, the goal is to treat it effectively in order to facilitate healing:

You have 2 people with a fractured fibula. The first fracture happened gradually due to wear and tear, in not such obvious ways. The other fracture was a result of severe trauma. Both fractures cause a great deal of pain and both fractures require therapy and healing. One is no less important than the other when it comes to healing. I hope this makes sense.

As far as the anti-depressants go, it can be a wild ride for some. I've been free of depression for some years now but I clearly recall my own wild ride over my 15 year battle with the black dog. My advice would be to have a management plan in place with your therapist, if he or she decides to take the medication route. Reach an agreement with them in regard to how long you should trial a med for. Of course, for some people an effective medication will kick in quite quickly whereas for others it can take a number of weeks. Discuss the maximum number of weeks you will be on a med for (playing around with the dosage) before agreeing it's not the one for you. The trial and error aspect of medication can leave some people feeling like they're at the mercy of the meds but if you feel a full sense of management, that can make a big difference. Keep in mind, medication is simply chemistry in pill form, designed to alter the chemistry in the brain regarding depression. There can at times be some side-effects, seeing we have so much other chemistry going on inside of us. It's a matter of weighing up the pros and cons in relation to the side-effects being worth staying on a particular medication. You may even find that the therapy alone is enough to being altering that chemistry up there. The brain is a quirky thing.

I can't wait to hear how it all goes next week. In the meantime, take care of yourself Josh

[Josh021]

So my second therapy session will be tomorrow. the first 1 unfortunately was a bit short due to being mostly paper work & introductions. Few things were said that boosted my self esteem a little but it's also left me in the position where i need to make a really harsh decision. So that has had me down a bit.

The biggest thing for me at the moment has been simply passing time, I can't seem to find any enjoyment in anything, Everything leads to frustration & anger because I just cant seem to get anywhere with anything.

Also saw my main doctor as well 2 days ago, decided to delay anti-depressants until a few more sessions with my therapist & see how i go, nervous to try them because of how badly things can go wrong on them but feel like I'm kinda left with no other cards in my hand.
Also been a bit bothered to learn that my ex has now moved on & is dating someone else. Unfortunately that threw me back a few months with my acceptance of what happened & its hard to get my mind off of it.
Sleep has been better than it was several weeks ago but on the occasion i still find it impossible to sleep.

Will try to post another update soon-ish. Hopefully It will be more positive.

[Dyland93]

Hi Josh021,

Sounds like you're going through a really rough time, im writing to you today because i can relate on quite a few levels with you, ive been suffering depression and anxiety for quite a while, i also recently lost my partner, the one who made everything okay and made things easier work through, my fall from grace started approximately 18 months ago, i was always a very social person and loved sports, all that stuff.

I started therapy and i was super nervous before going in, ive been going for the past 9 months nearly weekly it does cost me a fortune but its neccesary, i do have support around me but i cant accept it if that makes sense, my grief felt for the love ive lost on top of everything else really hurts and feels insurmountable, i was exactly the same as you when i was nervous about medication, eventually after heavy consideration i decided to start on them, i was prescribed a medium dosage but my feelings never improved, i then got prescribed the strongest available, ive had to try a few types because its not a one drug suits all sort of thing, i encourage you to keep posting on these forums and seeing help with a psych, seriously consider medication, as it really can help alleviate the lows (to a certain extent), like you i couldnt sleep these tablets do help me sleep but unfortunately doesnt stop the dreams, and it has increased my appetite, because in a 3 week span i lost 13kgs due to stress, im 6ft 1 and went from 86kg to 73kg, my release has been going to gym, id never been to gym before in my life, but i joined a couple of months ago, and i go 3 times a week at night when im feeling my worst (24 hour gym), im sorry if this post is all over the shop but im not doing either well josh,

Just keep your head up mate thats all i can say, these dark times are the hardest of our lives to date, try and find a hobby try and keep pushing forward, it will get better, hope to hear back from you i hope i have helped in someway, maybe feeling like you can relate to someone in someway will not make you feel so alone, i feel for you Josh,

Kind Regards,