Feeling overwelmed

[Weary64]

I have struggled all my life with depression, some days are worse than others but always it's a struggle to smile. My mother was a paranoid schizophrenic who had under gone shock therapy 3 times by the time I was 8. Childhood was isolating and I was different. Traveling was how I escaped and left home when I was 16 to backpack before that word existed. I haven't been on medication since my children were small and I realized I had no mothering instincts or skills. Now there is just me and my husband, the kids have all grown up and I really don't see the point anymore. It's just too hard and I don't feel that instinct to survive or to justify my existence anymore.

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[Doolhof]

Dear Weary,

Hi. I feel a sense of great pain and sadness in your post. I am so very sorry that you feel this way, and understand how depression can be through my own life experiences, even though we all suffer from it in different ways.

Do you have a supportive husband? Are you able to discuss to him how you are feeling? Do you have a Doctor who may understand this difficulty you are going through? Have you spoken to him or her about some form of assistance to help you through this depression?

You mentioned when you were younger that you travelled. Are you still able to do that? I sometimes go away for a weekend by myself and leave my husband home. I find a place close to nature where I can go walking and take hundreds of photos, even though I never develop them. I find interesting shops to visit, museums, or just take along a book and read that all weekend.

I have encouraged my husband to join me in a day trip now and then. I chose where I would like us to go and we have a drive and explore a different area.

Do you have hobbies or interests you could get into? Are there groups or clubs near you that you could join to meet new people?

Are you still in contact with your children? Would it help you if you wrote them each a letter to tell them how you feel about being their Mum? You don't have to post the letters in the end if you don't want to. Just writing stuff out helps me.

Lots of questions hey! I hope you are able to change your way of thinking, that you can believe that life is worth living and people do care for you. Please write back, just sharing how you feel can help. I don't have all the answers, I can't take your pain away, but I do care.

Thinking of you, from Dools.