Feeling of hopelessness

[mateypotatey]

Hi all,

I've done online tests (and once years ago with a GP) to see if I'm depressed and generally I get results that say it's mild to moderate.

I guess I have been able to hold down a job, relationship and friendship circle so things are manageable and I thought I was just being a hypochondriac or mopey.

But over the past year, I've struggled with losing feelings. Good feelings subside and I can only seem to have negative feelings penetrate. Or worse still nothing gets through. I had to postpone my wedding due to COVID and I just couldn't feel the sadness or stress about it all, I was just empty. Same with other areas of my life that should make me happy or excited or angry, I just feel empty.

Right now, my relationship seems to be over and I'm just so tired of either feeling hopeless about the future and life in general. Things that made me feel happy before like travel, video games, movies and exercise just seem like so much work now. And I'm tired of the only feelings I have that seem to stick being negative ones like anxiety or stress.

I know a GP or online tests are still going to say I'm not severely depressed or anxious but I feel like things are getting slowly worse over time, not better. I have friends that get so excited over life milestones like buying a house or even just for a movie coming out and I just feel myself slipping slowly away from sharing those feelings.

I don't know what I'm asking for here and I'll read through the forums tonight, but I guess I just wanted a place to share as I've told nobody how I feel.

For ten years I was in a relationship looking after someone with depression and it was exhausting and ultimately failed (prior to current partner) but I didn't think I would start to find myself in the same boat. I hated that she seemed to find comfort in depression or made excuses of why she in particular couldn't exercise or make friends but now I find myself feeling an awful sense of comfort in this place I'm in, even though I hate it.

Thanks for listening.

[mocha delight]

My gp had me to a psychologist depression quiz which I scored in the high section and same for the quiz here on the beyond blue website. I’ve not been diagnosed with anything yet but my doctor strongly believes that I have depression. My gp she also prescribed me antidepressants despite no depression diagnosis yet. Which this all started the week before covid 19 was first mentioned. Also if you ever need to chat I’m here for you ok.

[Leel]

Sorry to hear you’re feeling this way. A feeling of hopelessness or emptiness can be symptoms of depression. Online tests can be a useful guide but nothing can replace the advice of a professional. Reaching out here has been a great first step. You might also find it useful to talk to your GP and a therapist to prevent any downward spiral.

I really hope you find what you’re looking for x

[mateypotatey]

Thank you both for your replies x

[Leel]

You’re welcome. Best of luck x

[fifithebunni]

Hi Mateypotatey,

Just wanted to say that you are heard and your feelings (or lack of) are legit no matter how 'unreasonable' you tell yourself that is. I guess the never-ending news cycle and just the information we get fed day in day out in general can be ultimately numbing and consuming.

I think when one tends to see the bigger picture, it makes sense that minute details stops bothering you as much. Maybe we see too much hyped-up/rehearsed and over-sensationalisation on social media, and forget that having peace and calm is also a blessing.

I'm sorry your wedding didn't happen as planned and it seems your relationship is over. It sounds cliche but time is probably what it takes for things to resolve/dissolve. I'm sorry I'm in no place to give any advice. I guess just wanted to re-assure you that you're OK feeling the way you feel, and it doesn't require justification, because it is your life and your perspective.

Take care and hope you find that new favorite song that helps get you going 🙂

[Gambit87]

Hi mateypotatey,

I'm sorry you're feeling this way! its an absolutely brutal feeling to be carrying around.

I cant recommend enough seeing a GP, talk about getting a mental health care plan and see a psychologist. They are worth every cent. I've been seeing one for about 5 months now and its helping me heaps.

these forums are also a big help!

take care.

[Volkerballoon]

Hi mateypotatey,

Sorry to hear about the wedding being cancelled and that your relationship is in a tough spot at the moment. The way you described gaining comfort from the feeling of depression definitely resonated with me. Kind of like a warm comforting bath. And just like with baths, you need to get out at some point.

Depression tests are a decent help tool, but I don't think they give the whole story. And from reading your story, I would definitely recommend visiting a GP. It's definitely a leap outside of anyone's comfort zone, but absolutely worth it.

Volk

[bluenight]

You've got good things going for you in your life by the sounds of it. The things that you mentioned that make you happy aren't always enough. There nice little add ons to a meaningful life but they shouldn't be what sustains you in my opinion. Have you considered trying to find some peace in religion or perhaps doing some volunteering of some sort. Or maybe going out of your way to help someone you know who's in need or a neighbour/stranger even?

Giving and doing for others can really change your life. You may be already doing or these kind of things I don't know. The things you listed as the things that make you happy are pretty much what society or other people seem to think we need to do for enjoyment or happiness. These things are okay, don't get me wrong but maybe you need to add something else.