Hi Curl
First, I just want to say - wish I could give you a massive hug. You're a legend to be coping with the challenges you're facing. I suspect you may not be feeling like much like a legend but, believe me, you are.
We're definitely holistic kinda creatures, functioning on a number of levels. There's the mental level - based on thought and ingrained beliefs, the physical level - based on chemistry and matter and the natural level - based on how nature naturally ticks.
On a physical level, meds shift our chemistry and function. The chemistry alters our thoughts. The chemistry and thoughts relate to our nature at any given time. A constructive question would then be 'Do I feel like my natural self?' Seeing you're natural self has already answered this, by expressing how wrong or dysfunctional everything feels, I'd personally be questioning the chemistry side of things. Meds are meant to balance things, not bring us down (mentally and energetically). With the bi-polar, I imagine you don't want to be super high or deep in a depression, you want to at least feel naturally 'grounded' (in between the 2).
It would pay to speak with whoever has prescribed the medication. Explain to them that you feel the meds are messing you around to the point of dysfunction. They have a duty of care to address this.
I recall my days in depression where the search for the right med felt like the search for The Holy Grail, leading me to wonder 'Does what I'm searching for actually exist in the first place'. Don't give up. Chances are you're naturally pretty sensitive, which may mean so is your chemistry. Fine tuning and tweaking our chemistry can take a bit of trial and error.
You can't stay feeling like you currently do. You would be the first to acknowledge - it just doesn't feel natural.
Take care and I wish you only the best on your quest for balance and greater well being 🙂
