Feeling less than human

[Anahia]

Hi

I am 29 yo student in Australia. I've been feeling horrible lately and I don't know what to do.

I lost my job, I have a couple of months worth of savings to pay rent and food, and then I don't know what will happen. I can't go back to my home country. Logistically, I can't, there are no flights and all possible countries to do layover along the way have close their borders. But I also can't because there is nothing to go back to. I have fought for the last 4years to build a life here, Australia was my bet for a future without fear and after 4 years I was finally feeling save, hopeful even. I had friends, a goddaughter that I adore, a life that I was happy living. And in 1 month it crumbled.

I'm waking up every day crying, and I have trouble getting anything done during the day. I'm terrified. Every time I try to think of something else the thought of going back pops into my head and I start panicking. I can't concentrate on reading or even watching TV. All I can think is what am I going to do? how do I pay the bills? what if I have to go back?

I feel less than human. Like all it matters about me is the paper that says I don't belong here. It feels like the world is saying that my life doesn't matter as much, that I am not a life worth saving, that if I go back and died it's not important. And I'm having a really tough time trying to convince myself that that's not true. That I am not a waste of space.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Anahia,

Beyond Blue is available to all living in Australia and that very much includes you as an whole and worthwhile human being who has chosen to call this country home. Our Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service is packed full of useful, practical information to help you cope during this uncertain time and has specially trained professional counsellors available 24/7 to offer you support, advice and referrals. Check out: https://coronavirus.beyondblue.org.au/ for more, inlcuding our support line on 1800 512 348.

Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us here today. It is very brave of you to have done so and important too. You are very welcome here on our valued online forums commuity where you'll find a safe and non-judgmental place to give and receive support to others who have or are going through something similar to you. We want you to know there is always help available to you Anahia and we're here to give you as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

Please continue checking in with us here to let us know how you're getting on whenever you feel up to it.