Hello Brineheart,
Welcome to the forums, it is nice to meet you here. I am glad you have come here to speak to us, because it sounds like you are really struggling and could use a friendly community to speak to.
From what I have read in your post, it sounds like you are dealing with a lot at the moment across both physical health issues and mental health issues. I am sad to hear you are having to deal with so much at one time, because that would be hard on anybody.
As I understand it, the main thing you are really struggling with are these inner voices that put you down, particularly in relation to impotence. I think the first thing I would say is that I understand how challenging it can be to feel sexually incapable, somehow lesser than others, or otherwise undesirable. It can be a real blow to our identity and self confidence. But not only is there so much more to a person, it also sounds like this is an anxiety you have rather than being a fact.
So in terms of addressing this inner voice and anxiety that is really posing some tough challenges for you, I hope you don't mind if I briefly share my own experience. I have also had to deal with an inner critic that doesn't really let up and for me, the key is in making it an 'outer' voice. It can be really terrifying to tell others, but I think our minds are like echo chambers. The more we keep our thoughts inside, the more they echo and bounce and multiply. But open it up, and we find out that there's only one small voice compared to the reassuring voices of our extended support network.
I understand you are taking antidepressants at the moment. May I ask if you have a counsellor or other mental health professional who you speak to on a regular basis? It sounds like your partner is a lovely person and trying to help you, but sometimes we do need to pull in more help when our own inner critic is very strong.
James
