feeling hopeless update

nhu · ‎16-06-2014

So I went and saw my GP today, I've been given a script for 2 drugs; one to help calm and settle me down when I need it and an antidepressant I start tomorrow morning. Unfortunately he did not complete a mental health assessment, so I did seek out a psychologist via my work eap program. Talking to someone face to face was an relief and a burden off my shoulders. I can only do what I can do. I need to focus one the future and getting better for my family. I will see the GP again next monday and will ask to complete the mental health assessment.

Struggler · ‎16-06-2014

Hi nhn

I had to search for your previous post to help me remember.

Glad you got to see your GP and was given medication. I wish he had referred you to a psychologist straight away. I am a bit worried about any form of counselling or EAP from employer but that's another story.

Hopefully when you return next week to your GP, you'll get an assessment and referral to a psychologist. I am pleased you've regained some strength. Please post again and let us know how you get along. Keep yourself busy and take care.

Struggler

AGrace · ‎17-06-2014

Hi nhu,

I haven't seen your previous post, however im glad you have been to your GP and that you're getting some relief by talking.

Having a mental health assessment is worthwhile.

Your goal of getting better and thinking about the future so you can be there for your family sounded very encouraging. Dont forget to pay some attention to the present as well. I hope you understand what I mean by this.

AGrace

Neil_1 · ‎17-06-2014

Hi there nhu

Like the others before me, I welcome you to this site and thank you for coming here and posting.

Ok, so as I was reading down your thread, I was forming an idea of what to write and say to you about this current situation – however, with your latest post, things have taken an unfortunate turn for you.

Firstly, I’m so pleased to hear that you want to fight for this marriage. NOW, the hard part – and that’s the situation with your wife. Are you still living together?

When you had your recent talk, and no doubt discussed the issues that are happening within your relationship, did you get the opportunity to express to her just how you feel about her?

I know in your first post on this thread, you wrote fleetingly about how much she means to you, etc. THAT is really powerful stuff – and you expressed about your fights, etc and how you blamed her in those fights, but you KNEW/KNOW that it wasn’t her, but you. Were you able to express that to her as well?

So where are you positioned right now? Is she after a trial separation? Surely she couldn’t be saying that ‘this is it’ and you’ve got no opportunity to redeem yourself?

I really look forward to hearing back from you.

Kind regards

Neil

Ps: this post was generated purely from your first thread, and I kept it as is, cause this next post you’ve sent hasn’t made me wish to change anything in it.

geoff · ‎17-06-2014

dear Nhu, fighting for your family to stay together is really important, however it depends on how your wife feels about this, as it's never easy to strike an equilibrium, as this happened with myself.

I was desperate to keep my family together, but I couldn't because firstly I was deemed as an alcoholic as well a depressed soul not wanting to help myself get out of being depressed, and this partly responds to Neil's comment and your first post.

To focus on the future sounds like a great attitude as well as getting help, however I hope that your wife can stay by you while this does happen.

This is important for you but my ex couldn't wait any longer, I couldn't convince her that that is what I was trying to do, and I do hope that this isn't the situation for you and that she will wait the time out, just saying. Geoff.

nhu · ‎22-06-2014

I'm so distort, lost and alone right now. She has said it's all over. This guy she she was having the emotional affair with is going to move here. How do you just end 11 years like that. To think she can just move on like that. I have to be strong for my kids but it's so difficult. I could just curl up in a ball and die right now.

geoff · ‎22-06-2014

dear Nhu, I'm sorry to hear this news, which isn't pleasant for you at all.

I wonder how long she has been seeing this other fellow for, but this doesn't change your position at all, because you feel as though she has just dumped you and the kids for this affair.

Can you please let us know if you have started taking the AD's, and in no way am I suggesting that this will solve the problem, but it may just take the edge off your depression.

Nothing can help you feel better than for her to return back to you and the kids, however I always doubt that she would be loyal to you and the kids ever again, and if this did happen the marriage would then be strained, because it puts a huge barrier between the both of you, it's never nice to say this, but from experience it never works.

Sorry to mention this but once my wife was playing up behind my back our marriage was over. Geoff.

AGrace · ‎22-06-2014

Hi Nhu,

Sorry to hear your news, its understandable that you find yourself in a pretty tough place right now. Thanks for being strong enough to continue sharing with us.

The breakdown of a relationship is never a nice experience unless its amicable. One of the most difficult questions I think we struggle with is "Why is this relationship not valuable enough for the other person anymore?" There are numerous possibilities for a response to this, and often we dont ever find the absolute truth. In my experience searching for an answer to this question has only caused further suffering and taken my focus off of the most important question to ask...

"Now that this has happened what is the best way to move forward in order for me to heal and (in your situation) how can I best support my children during this time?"

I dont deny that its important for you to grieve at this point, a loss is a loss and you have a right to experience all of the emotions that go with this. As much as you may want to salvage the relationship and savor the love that you both shared, if its really over then I think you deserve more in life than unrequited love.

You've probably heard it a thousand times but I will make it 1001 and say 'time heals all wounds'. You spent 11 years creating this relationship so it will take some time to move beyond it. During this time we are all hear to listen and support you as best we can. It sounds like you've put some additional supports in place by seeing your GP and a Psychologist. While there will be times when you curl up into a ball, surrounding yourself with people who can help you heal is important.

I hope you will continue to let us know how you get on with your treating team and medication. Take care of yourself and be brave for yourself and your children.

AGrace

nhu · ‎22-06-2014

Thank you all so much for your support. This whole thing kills me she wasfrisium the love of my life. I can't even look at pictures of us as a family without cracking up.

I have started an antidepressant (how long before does it take to build up) and have some benzodiazepine to assist me with switching off. It doesn't work. I have nothing but broken sleep. It's just awful.

I just want her to want to fight for us like me. She says it's too far gone. It's come from nowhere.

nhu · ‎22-06-2014

I'm at my parents now. I feel like such a failure. I will see my kids tomorrow. I hope I don't break down in front of them. My son wants to know when I'm coming home. My daughter is going to be distraught. My kids are my universe.

all I can say is seek help early and don't take your loved ones for granted.