Feeling empty and heavy

[Justme28]

Hi, I'm new here so hello. I guess I'll just get into what I'm feeling. For a while now I've just been getting through day by day. I feel like I have a massive hole missing from me and that emptiness and loneliness that comes with it is hard. I have a lot of friends around me so I'm not technically alone and when I'm with people I'm a social butterfly. How is it I can be separate people? I also over think things all the time and make the smallest things huge but the big things I don't tend to worry about. And I worry about what people think of me all the time. Recently I have got worse because I split with my boyfriend, the relationship was pretty toxic so I know that has lead me to feel even worse. I don't know how to switch off my brain! And I'm originally from the UK so I don't have family here. I'm going to see a doctor this week but I don't know if I want to take antidepressants or not and therapy I have tried before didn't work. I'm just very lost. Any comments would be helpful.   

[Justme28]

Hi Shelley. I can completely relate to the heaviness and the not having love thing. I think when you have someone as a part of your life, whether it start/end good or bad you have someone to be dependant on. And I have great friends that I know I can talk to but I don't want to burden them with my problems. I am also a relatively strong person and don't confide in people too much. This site makes it easier to do that but speak to people who understand as well. My overthinking is getting worse and worse and I often wonder if the problems I have are ones that I create, however I have more faith in myself than that and know they come from somewhere - maybe I just don't need to dwell so much. You are right in that the overthinking adds to the heaviness and emptiness but is something at the moment I can't seem to control. Learning to love yourself is the hardest task of all and your post really has put that extra faith in me and humanity - good people are out there. 

 My issue is that I do not fill the hole with comfort food but with alcohol and I see that could be getting worse. Now I have recognised that I need to be strong and confront that issue rather than drink more to hide it again. It numbs the pain. 

 Thank you for such a lovely message and for your love - I'm throwing that right back at you now. xxx

[Justme28]

Hi Pipsy, I am so sorry to hear that. I guess everything happens for a reason and after 25 years there's some new learning about yourself I am sure. My relationship was only for 2 years so tiny in comparison but it does require getting over - the problem is when you hear they have already moved on and have the new girlfriend pregnant!!!! 

I suppose we all have to understand that time heals all wounds. But right now I just want to hide away until I get to that point. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders and an empty but heavy weight in my heart. 

I hope that you are ok and if you can do it I can do it! Someone once told me to just take half an hour at a time to get through the day and soon enough you are home again to lick those wounds. The problem is home is the loneliest place of all! 

I hope you can be happy again as to everyone else on here. xx