How do I tell my partner?

[cbear55]

I've been diagnosed with depression since I was 18. So I've had 7 years to come to terms with it. If anything it was a relief because it explained why I felt the way I did. I'm on medication and it's under a decent amount of control. Doesn't mean I don't have low days. But it is much easier to manage.

I have now been with my partner for 7 months. He is a great guy, very kind, caring and loving. I think it's time I tell him that I have depression. Not so he can help me or change something. Just so he knows. It can also describe why I have sexual arousal issues to him so he knows it's not that I don't find him attractive. I'm not really worried about how he will react because if he doesn't accept it he's not the one for me. But I don't know how to tell him. Any tips? 

Thanks

[Guest_1055]

Hey cbear55

Hello to you...

I am not sure how you should tell him, but I do think being honest with someone that you love is the best way to go. Well that is personally what I believe. I also think there is resources on Beyond Blue that you can download or order a printed version, but I can't tell you how to find it. But that may shed some more light for you.

Many hugs to you

Shelley xx

[Zeal]

Hi c Bear,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm almost 23, and I've also been with my partner (boyfriend) for 7 months! I have OCD (clinical anxiety) and told my boyfriend very early on in our relationship, just because it felt right. It's great that you want to tell your partner, and it sounds as though he is the kind of person who will be supportive. I'm also on stable medication, which helps to manage the anxiety. I have had anxiety for about a decade, and I now know my triggers and how to manage them.

When I told my boyfriend about my anxiety, I wasn't concerned about his reaction. I knew he accepted me for who I was, and would also accept this aspect of me. True to form, he was (and still is) very accepting and supportive. You could first explain to your partner the gist of your depression (how long you've had it for, how it affects you), and then mention other minor things if and when they come up. However, telling him the "whole story" together is probably easier, as he will have a clearer picture. It's up to you, and depends on how you like to communicate and what you feel is right.

Just be frank and open, and tell him when you are alone and both relaxed together, like in bed at night or on the couch watching TV. It's great you aren't worried about how your partner will react. This shows you are comfortable within yourself and know how important it is for your partner to accept every aspect of you.

I hope something I've said has been helpful 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

[Paul]

Hey cbear55,

How did you go telling your partner?

Are you OK?

Paul

[Durras]

Hi cbear55,

I agree completely with what SM and Shelley anne have said. It is the best option to talk with your boyfriend about it and be completely honest with him also he does sound very supportive.

May I add on the BB website their is lots of information you can download or have sent to you so you can read through it all together and he also gets a good understanding of it more deeply.

I just said this too my husband last night and he wants to read it to understand it more.

I think the less shared with him will create some cracks and he sounds like a wonderful boyfriend and sounds like a beautiful relationship you have so I would hate for that to happen. Working through this together can only make your relationship stronger for anything that comes your way.

I will be honest here with you in regards to the sexual arousal.

I find too there are more days I don't want to have sex and he always accepts my NO. I don't always want to be saying no so sometimes I go along with it and often I am glad I do because through the sex it is the intimacy that reminds me of what we have together. Like it isn't just words of us saying to one another I LOVE YOU it is the feeling and connection while having sex and the afterwards of lying in one another's arms combined with the kisses but ok I will stop their I don't want this to go all R rated.

Other times I don't feel that way like my mind gets all negative and thinks (is this all sex, sex and sex) but that is my depression talking to me or my mind playing games on me through this sickness.

 The sexual side is a hard one to balance out and explain as all relationships are different.

I do wish you all the best and please let us know how your going. You always have support here.

Durras