I decided to write here mainly to rant and to hopefully get advise on what to do
I started university in 2023 to study social work unsure if it was really right for me as I was always terrible at writing assignments and academia was never much of a passion, though I always wanted to help people so I thought this was a good pathway to follow, I also chose criminology as I have an interest in this field.
now I’m 2 and a half years into my 5 year dual degree and I’m just starting classes again this week. Every new semester I feel dread. Like the passion is being sucked away from me through long assignments, long commutes, decent but not outstanding grades, and overall the high and mighty people I study alongside. Not to mention the soon to start placement which I am dreading due to imposter syndrome. Now that I am so far along my degrees I feel trapped behind a mountain of Hex debt in a field I’ve lost all my passion for, wishing I had just done a trade instead. The advice I always hear is have a good self-care regiment, but I exercise, have a social life, I work, my life is good apart from University. People tell me I should take a semester off but that will just leave me further behind and won’t remove the overall issue. I talk to my partner about my issues but it stresses me out even more when confronting them. Like it makes me realise the weight of this burden. Dropping out isn’t an option as I do want to finish, partly because I’m so deep in the hole of debt but because deep down I know this is what I want to do, but the structure of university is just so difficult and stressful. Even writing this now all I can think about is how long the assignments are, how painful placement will be. And how after uni I may not even use my degree in my field of work. I’m half way done and feeling unaccomplished with my life, as I feel life revolves around university even when it’s the first week of holidays. I feel like I’m missing out on life even though I know I’m not. I don’t know what the best course of action is even though I do for most other aspects of my life. Watching other people graduating in just a semester makes me feel even more trapped and I don’t want to watch people start their careers while I’m just starting unpaid placement. But I also think my issues are caused by the social construct of live to work and not work to live. I just want to be free from having to work until I’m too old to work anymore just to be too tired to live. I want to be young I want to explore the world I want to enjoy the company of my friends. I’m just sick of the pressure that uni has placed on me in what is supposed to be the prime of my life. To clarify how I feel. I genuinely enjoy working as it gives me a sense of purpose, I love my life and the people who surround me. But when I have to get in my computer and write 3000 words about a fake person I feel like I’m wasting the prime years of my life. Like I’m not helping anyone or anything. These assignments, these lecture and tutorials they feel empty, like I can just get all this information online, which is literally 95% of how I get the information I need for these assignments. I feel university is just a waste of thousands of dollar and years of my life, just to be told I know how to google sources for information I know through common sense. I’m sorry for such a long rant but I just can’t keep these feelings to myself anymore and typing them out it so much easier and more thorough for me to express than actually speaking without tearing up. So if anyone has advice as to how I can bring back some joy into my university life. I would really appreciate it. Thank you for reading
