Hi Everfc2500
The warmest of welcomes to you at such an incredibly challenging point in your life.
I've found, from my own experience, that hope comes with investigation. I've also found over the years that it makes a difference to me to not say 'I have depression' but to say 'I'm in a depression'. The question then becomes 'How the heck did I enter into it? What's keeping me in it and how do I manage to raise myself out of it'. Hence the investigation aspect. For me, I compare depression to a deep well, with many levels.
The next lot of questions are along the lines of 'Is it a physical depression, a mental one or a soulful/soul destroying one or what has possibly and gradually become a combo of all 3 aspects?'. To offer some examples
- A physical depression can involve chemistry, such as with depressing levels of vitamin or mineral deficiency, hormonal imbalances, dopamine processing issues and so on. Such things can interfere with energy levels and overall function, which can lead to mental aspects of depression ('I'm hopeless. Why can't I do anything? I'm good for nothing' etc etc). I can relate to how B12 deficiency and sleep apnea can come with deeply depressing side effects
- With mental aspects, this can involve a depressing crisis of identity, depressing belief systems, depressing inner dialogue and other mentally related issues. An absolute mongrel to deal with can be inner dialogue. Our inner critic can be incredibly brutal, that's for sure, and needs seriously strategic management
- The soulful or soul destroying aspects can involve pretty much anything that doesn't fit neatly into the physical and mental categories. I've found the soulful aspects can sometimes relate to a lot of philosophical questioning, such as 'Why am I here? Why am I suffering? What is my purpose or passion? Why can I not feel life running through me in the ways I wish I could?' and things along the lines of finding greater meaning
I've come to realise that each depression that I've found myself in held a reason for me being in it. None of them happened for no reason. I believe that if we find the reason, we find the way out. Having brilliant guides in our life who can shed light on what we just can't see on our own can also offer the best paths forward.
