Feeling alone after break up

[isthisfantasea]

I moved out of my boyfriend's house a couple of months ago, because I felt stifled the entire time I lived there. He would pressure me to go his his family's house every single weekend and I knew his family did not really like me all that much. I have been in university trying to catch up on life, as I spent the first 5 years after school unable to attend university due to poverty and mental health problems.
I always felt kinda judged for not having already gotten through uni. And on top of that, my boyfriend had been physically abusive toward me, as well as neglectful and emotionally pretty abusive as well. Despite all that, I had a comfy life and a pet cat, and he would still comfort and cuddle me.
Now that I've moved out, I'm starting to really regret my decision. I went to visit him once, and he called the police on me without warning and for no reason other than to tell them to tell me to go away. So I know he has no respect for me, but I still have these horrible feelings that I have thrown away a perfectly good situation.
I feel incredibly alone, and am finding it really hard to continue studying at uni without him in my life. I kind of feel like everything I am doing is for nothing, and that I have nobody, and that even if I do finish my degree, that nobody will hire me because I am a failure, etc.
I am considering taking a break from uni and going to tafe to study cert in fitness, as I genuinely enjoy all that stuff... And that would mean I can end up in a job sooner. I'm just scared. I'm really scared. What if that doesn't work out? Then what do I do?
I barely have any relevant work experience, so if I finish studies I'm terrified I won't be able to make rent.
I'm so scared. I have no safety net. Except for like, one friend, who is very supportive of me but obviously its not the same as having family who will help.

I need some kind of reassurance that things will work out okay. Right now I'm freaking out and I feel like I'm screwing up my life so bad. I honestly am beginning to really loath uni so much. I like the area I study in, but the system itself (having to study electives) makes study very difficult to keep up with, and means me having to draw out the length of my degree just to complete the electives. Is tafe better than uni?
Someone please help.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

There's a saying "if your work is your passion, you'll never work a day in your life"

I'm no expert on uni or tage but gollow your heart and take each hurdle one at a time. Thats life, we can never prepare totally for the hurdles you're alteady facing. Wsit for them to arrive but plan roughly your journey.

Google

Beyondblue Topic worry worry worry

As for your past relationship, the best thing you can do now is date again, meet people, so you are more distracted.

TonyWK

[Soberlicious96]

Dear Isthisfantasea,

Breaking up someone, no matter how good, bad or indifferent the relationship may have been, is always hard. But harder still is it to break free from the abuse that they dished out, that we tend to believe. but just because someone tells you negative stuff, doesn't mean you have to believe it. You are worth so much more than that.

It's great to hear that you are looking into studying something that you enjoy; that will make all the difference, I'm sure!

The other thing is too, that having a friend might not be as good as having family, but maybe that depends on the family? What I mean by that is, not every family is 'the Brady Bunch'. In fact, there are lots of families out there that are quite dysfunctional ...... and staying in dysfunction doesn't help anyone. I remember Dr Phil one time saying that "It's better for a child to be FROM a broken home, than IN a broken home." Not that I'm saying your home was broken either ..... but hopefully you get what I'm trying to say. Grief for losing your boyfriend may be hard in the short term, but in the long term, you may be better off without him, and his abuse.

And finally, as for whether Tafe is better for you than Uni, I wouldn't really like to say. Only you can decide that. I can tell you though, that if it were me choosing between the two, I think I'd go Tafe. Because yes, I think it may be easier. But it's really your call. I don't know your age, but I'm guessing you're still quite young, yes? In which case, maybe you could do both?! Tafe for now, and then later on when you are feeling stronger and more confident, you could do Uni.

Anyway, I hope all that helps at least a little. And remember, Beyond Blue is here 24/7. Take care. xo

[isthisfantasea]

I'm 25, and I am trying to get completed units transferred over from the uni I was studying at when I was living with my boyfriend. I can't study there anymore because now I live too far away.
Some days I really feel like giving up on university. But I know that if I do that, I will ruin my life even further because I don't have any skills. And going to tafe to do personal training would be nice, but at the same time, I don't have any friends and I'm afraid that will negatively effect my ability to be a personal trainer somehow.

I do have one friend, but they are deeply depressed and have mental health problems that makes them unreliable. They don't get back to me on time and it makes me anxious. They also don't like coming to visit me, so I'm always having to go to them even though I don't drive. Plus, they've shown signs of hurting themselves, which has made me extremely stressed out and I feel incredibly guilty about it even though I didn't really do anything to cause it.
So even though I do have one friend, they are having a serious negative effect on my mental health. And they don't care if I waste all my time making sure they're okay instead of studying.
I don't really want to be around them anymore, even though I care about them a lot, because I've noticed that since I've been in contact with them again they have dragged my moods down heaps and I am not eating properly.
They're making my already hard time even harder.

I kind of want to date again, but I don't feel like anyone would like me. Although I'm not like, severely codependent, I am someone who does much better in life when I have somebody to support me emotionally. That being said, I feel like this is a lot of the reason why I am having such a hard time adjusting to being by myself... I've never had time to just be single. But part of me thinks that I am not strong enough to be single.

[jules781]

With feeling alone after a brake up I can totally relate. I haven't since moved on and I think I know why. I find the days where I am happy and up lifting good things happen and I will get out talking and socialising. But lately I am in a sad place and I can see the effects it has, I have not been out, able to talk to anyone and it feels like everything around you is blocked. It is hard to snap out of it. I am not completely healed as lets face it we all have issues no matter what we do, what we own, how much we have. What I found with being scared is take the plunge. Last year I had a opportunity to work interstate, I was excited, but once it came down to the crunch I wanted to back out as I got really scared. I forced my self to do it and after a few weeks it was the best thing I ever done. Unfortunately, after a while I felt lonely and I pulled the pin and wanted to come back home. My biggest regret was not trying harder as what I realised is home was not going anywhere. In other words if you feel like you need a brake and want to try something do it. I am proud I did it as it was hard, but I wish I stayed longer and now I am having thoughts of going back and giving it another try as I realised that whatever your doing now is not going anywhere and it is very easy to go back to your comfort zone. But what every decision you make it is for the best.