Separated, struggling and drowning

[Sunnybeach]

Hi
I've never posted or been involved in a forum before. I'm recently separated and struggling badly. I have had manageable depression for 20 years. I've always come out of the fog but now I just can't seem to find my way. I work long hours as a police detective, have my kids every other week and the limited time I have to myself i just want to sleep. I'm falling behind in work, ignoring family and friends and have lost the drive to pretty much anything. I exercised every day but now can't seem to focus on doing even that. I use all my energy to fake being happy and engaged so the kids don't see it. I seem to be stuck in a world that has collided my biological depression with situational depression. My rational brain tells me I will come through this but right now I seem to be just drowning..

[Alexlisa]

Hello Sunnybeach.

Welcome to the forums. It’s good that you’ve reached out here, I know it can be hard to take that first step. It sounds like you’re really struggling and exhausted. It’s true that depression can worsen with life stressors and what was once manageable may have tipped into being unmanageable.

I was wondering if you’re getting any help since this escalated? Like a psychologist or medication? It seems like it would be a good idea to reach out to your GP to talk about what’s going on, and also for a referral to a psychologist. Your determination to put on a ‘happy’ face for your kids is admirable, but I’m not sure it’ll be sustainable over time. It’s always best to get help as early as possible, so that it’s easier to treat, plus you shouldn’t have to do this alone.

You seem to have very good insight into what’s going on for you. I just want you to know also that just because the depression is partly situational, doesn’t make it any less worthy of getting help.

Take care,

Alexlisa

[smallwolf]

Hi Sunnybeach,

welcome to beyond blue. If I don't reply now I might lose your thread and not find you later.

Firstly, it is good (metaphorically speaking) that you are able to recognise what is happening to you. I guess the trick now is to be able to do something about it. My mind and my heart tell me different things. Logically I can answer questions put to me by my psychologist, but then I will think about it a bit more and say, ... well.... it is actually ... which contradicts my last answer.

I notice you said that you put on a happy face, but are there people that you feel that you can be honest with about how you feel? family or friends? Otherwise it might be help to speak with a GP or therapist as suggested by Alexlisa.

Do you have and tools (incl. apps on your phone) to help you deal with depression? If not, and you are interested, please let me know.

Remember that you are not alone. The people in this space are helpful and non-judgemental and will support you as they can while you are here.I hope you might come back to share more of your story.

Peace,

Tim