Feel like a stuff up

[rorysmith]

I'm 21 living in Aus and I can't help to think I'm a failure. I've felt like this since I've graduated high school as I've found it hard to progress through university, but I've always been pretty contempt with that fact. In November I started talking to a girl and I thought we really clicked, we had met up a bunch of times and we talked everyday for 3 months now. But for some reason I was so insecure I managed to push her away, I'd always ask to see her and ask what she wanted from this and I said I didn't want to waste my time with someone who wasn't ready for a relationship. I think this insecurity stems from the fact that I never really think I've been loved by anyone apart from my mother. A couple of weeks ago this girl told me that she doesn't want to do this anymore and that I f_ked this up, which at the time I couldn't believe but now all I can think of is to blame myself and it's really f_king with my mental health. I hate myself for pushing away one of the best things in my life, and for the past 2 weeks I've been crying myself to sleep every night. I want things to get better but I don't really know how, I haven't been eating properly and I try and sleep all the time so I can get my mind off it but it's driving me crazy. I've been looking online and I've seen antidepressants as an option and I was wondering if anyone thought that could help in my case.

[jaz28]

Hi rorysmith,

I am sorry you have been going through a tough time and have been blaming yourself. You should try to be not so hard on yourself and take this as a learning opportunity. Just to be clear - did she want a relationship with you? From this it seems like she was the one that didn't want something serious, whereas you did and kept your guard up. Did she explain why she felt that you messed it up? A relationship takes two, and if it is not working it is usually because both people aren't committed. Is there a way to contact her to gain more clarity? I know this might be the last thing you want to do but it is always an option.

In terms of professional help, that is a great idea. You can start by seeing your GP and they will assess whether medication or other help is available to you. It might be a good idea to make an appointment 🙂

I hope things improve soon,

Jaz xx

[geoff]

Hello rorysmith, all relationships and even in the honeymoon period have their ups and downs which seem to be much more intense than a longer one, and often affect the person much more as they are deeply in love, but situations like this can easily be repaired, if that's what you want to happen.

Only being loved by your mother has it's good points but certainly has it's bad ones, because she may say who you should love and who to avoid, but that's not her decision to make, it's entirely yours and one day you will only have yourself to decide.

With this girl try and entice her back by buying some flowers, chocolates or what you think she would love and then invest your time with her.

It takes the two of you to please each other and any small disagreement can happen, because r/lationships aren't always great times, but making up is half the fun.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[james1]

Hello rorysmith,

I'm so sad to hear you think you are a failure and are really struggling with your mental health. It sounds really really tough and, having been in a similar place about 6-7 years ago, I understand a lot of what you've expressed in your post. Relationships, and losing relationships, can be so tough even if you have all the right supports and are in a good frame of mind - they can be devastating when even something is just not quite right.

It seems you've been trying to research a bit and looked at antidepressants. Have you also had a chance to speak to a doctor or even just the support lines like BeyondBlue? In my own experience, it really helps to have someone professional in your corner, alongside other non-professional supports like us or any friends/family who are willing to listen and understand.

I hope you are doing okay today and can get a bit of rest.

James