Dear Hopeful
Wearing our favourite costume, a mask, is hard work. We all do it for a huge variety of reasons. Hiding appears to be a great idea because we can avoid people asking questions, telling us to "buck up", being treated like an idiot or freak. It's self-preservation.
And yes it does work on occasions. It's good to go out with a happy face and join in whatever is going on. But be aware that it is not sustainable on it's own. Sometimes the mask needs to come off in preparation for its permanent removal.
I don't know how long you have been working with your psych and the time is not important. What is important is that you are getting better. If you have not been going long you may still be in the getting to know you phase and that varies for everyone.
Unfortunately it takes time to recover and hard work. You are already working by keeping up with your friends and working on your crafts. Your friends will keep you in the real world while your crafts give you a time out of the world, concentrating on something that gives you peace and pleasure. It's a great mixture.
To go back to the mask. If you wear it too often or too long it will be exhausting. It is also hard work and uses tremendous amounts of energy. Be selective. Listen to your body telling you when to rest or when to involve yourself in activities where the mask is not required, such as you crafting. Try to keep a good balance, but remember you need both types of activities.
When you find out what normal is, please let me know. I've been looking for a long time. Yes you will get better. Comparing yourself to others is futile. Those who are less depressed than you should get well more quickly, although that's not necessarily so. Everyone gets there at their own rate because it depends on so many variables.
Concentrate on your own journey. Fill your life with those things that bring you joy. Keep away from people and activities that hurt and irritate you. When you are strong again you will manage these things more easily but until then be picky.
I have often found that when I am at my most depressed, when it seems that life has nothing more to offer, I'm too tired to care any more and I want to give up I am about to get to the next level of wellness. It's almost as though everything has been quietly simmering on the back boiler and waiting for me to recognise it's cooked. One more push and I see daylight. Sounds a bit like giving birth and maybe that's not a bad analogy.
Stay strong
Mary
