Employment issues

[Boo1986]

Hi Beyond Blue members,

I'm having a bit of a crisis. I am feeling very anxious at work and get the feeling my boss is trying to get me to quit. It is a small business where he and his wife pretty much run everything and I am (or was) the next level of responsibility. Recently while I was away on annual leave, my bosses wife was filling in for some of my duties. She logged in to my work email account and changed my title in my email signature from Admin manager to Admin assistant. At the moment they have let my contract lapse (it expired in January and they haven't renewed it yet). My boss asks me to do things I am not comfortable with (eg lying) and sets me tasks I cannot complete (eg I do not have access to some files and he knows this).

I want to quit and get back into my passion (teaching) but it has been over a year since I was in a classroom and have lost all my confidence, and looking for work really causes problems with my depression. If I quit before I find a new job I will be unemployed and I know my depression will spiral out of control. I should stay for financial reasons but I don't know how much longer I can take being treated this way. I am expected to know everything and do everything and be responsible for everything, but for the wage I'm getting (less than if I were teaching) I really don't feel it is worth it at all.

I feel terrible, I am frightened and just want to go home and stay in bed forever. I don't want to feel this way.

Any advice?

Thanks guys xo

[Millie04]

Hi... can't believe someone is like me. I'm struggling ATM, I have no seen clearer a pattern with myself. A few years in I fall in a heap... my depression sets in and work is such a challenge. I tried to keep my boss in the loop only to have a few bad days last week and he emails me on a leave day to tell me he will be taking disciplinary action when I go back to work tomorrow. So all that's done is sent me spiralling out of control. Hence to say I'll not be trying to any longer be open and honest. Why can't they understand this is not a choice???

[Croix]

(Dear Boo, please excuse me which I have a word to Millie04)

Dear Millie04~

I could not find your other post so I'll treat this one as if it was your first in the Forum and say welcome. Your words are familiar, there are many here who have like experiences.

You are right of course, for us there is no choice, and only some will see that.

Unfortunately people who have depression - or any other mental illness - face a great lack of understanding. Sadly it's much better to have a broken leg. People are ignorant, they are sometimes willfully ignorant - don't want to know. Sometimes they just don't care and apply rules that are quite inappropriate.

I guess all this means for us it is very hard to not see things as being personal - some sort of failing. We feel isolated, unjustly treated and powerless. All that on top of an illness that makes us see things in terms of black, an illness for which support is needed, not unkindness.

The Forum here has lots of debates about disclosing mental illness, at home, to loved ones, to work. I always tend to think those debates are lucky people versus unlucky people. It's easy to say 'come out' when the experience has been ok or good. (I admit some do deliberately fight for the greater good of all in the face of great adversity)

I know it's no comfort to you at the moment but getting rid of stigma and having people with mental illness treated properly is one of beyondblue's main aims.

Do you mind if I ask if you are under treatment? I found there was no way I could get better on my own. It took a medical team, therapy and meds to help me back out.

The other thing that made all the difference was family support - mainly my wife. Do you have a family or friend, someone you can talk with, who will understand?

I'd like to suggest you start a thread of your own (or let me know where it is if you have one already) , that way a lot more people will see you and respond - starting a thread is just a button press, not hard. It does not stop you from coming here as well.

I look forward to hearing more from you

Croix

[Grace888]

Hello Boo

I think your new job starts 1 May.

Wishing you all the best for your new future.

It took some courage to take this step, but you have extricated yourself from a toxic environment with your integrity intact.

Grace888

[Boo1986]

Oh wow, Grace I feel so special! Thank you so much for remembering, that really means a lot to me.

Unfortunately, they have asked me to stay on another 2 weeks and because I'm a push-over I said yes... But it's okay because at least I know I will be out of here soon and back into my passion where I am happy and fulfilled 🙂

[feelingblue4832]

i'm glad to hear that you are on the right track Boo1986,

i just wanted to add that the things you are good at, and by the sounds of it yours is teaching, you will never lose the skilll. you have to keep telling your self that, like others have said its like riding a bike, when you first start again your confidence will come flooding back and you will know you can do it, my own personal experience with this was working in a call centre type environment as someone who helps other people with computer problems, i can fix things in my sleep if its any kind of electrical gadget.

after taking a break from this work for 2 years i worried my self sick about going back. i kept thinking about all the things i did when i was doing that job and how i might not remember how i fixed things before or if i was not as switched on as i use to be, within the first day back i could already feel my confidence coming back in my ability's, Dont be to hard on your self about if, remember you have done the job before you can do it again.