Employment issues

[Boo1986]

Hi Beyond Blue members,

I'm having a bit of a crisis. I am feeling very anxious at work and get the feeling my boss is trying to get me to quit. It is a small business where he and his wife pretty much run everything and I am (or was) the next level of responsibility. Recently while I was away on annual leave, my bosses wife was filling in for some of my duties. She logged in to my work email account and changed my title in my email signature from Admin manager to Admin assistant. At the moment they have let my contract lapse (it expired in January and they haven't renewed it yet). My boss asks me to do things I am not comfortable with (eg lying) and sets me tasks I cannot complete (eg I do not have access to some files and he knows this).

I want to quit and get back into my passion (teaching) but it has been over a year since I was in a classroom and have lost all my confidence, and looking for work really causes problems with my depression. If I quit before I find a new job I will be unemployed and I know my depression will spiral out of control. I should stay for financial reasons but I don't know how much longer I can take being treated this way. I am expected to know everything and do everything and be responsible for everything, but for the wage I'm getting (less than if I were teaching) I really don't feel it is worth it at all.

I feel terrible, I am frightened and just want to go home and stay in bed forever. I don't want to feel this way.

Any advice?

Thanks guys xo

[Croix]

Dear Boo~

You are facing a difficult time, however you have not changed inside. You are still the person who walked away from parents/religion, cared for her little sister and said:

It is more important to know what you want, what you deserve and what you are worth and expect others to treat you as such.

You were so right.

Now your employers are not dong that. They sound as if at best they are treating you as a convenience and at worst seek to get rid of you when expedient to do so.

There is no two ways about it, it is a difficult, probably frightening situation. Both the prospect of the unemployment, and the prospect of going though the job application mill - not to mention the financial side.

I suggest it is your turn to use them to your convenience. MsPurple and others have given you good practical tips that may well pan out into other employment. Stay as long as you can abide it - which may not be that long with your pride and conscience - and try these other avenues.

As someone who used to be an educator I know one does not forget the techniques of the classroom - and the marking and reports are still just as onerous 🙂

Your current situation would not be good for anyone's health and self-esteem. The longer you stay I would think the worse you will feel, as you will blame yourself for inaction on top of everything else.

I said a long time ago I considered you strong, I still do - very much so. Combating employment issues and anxiety/depression is a hard road but you are using your resources - such as this Forum, in an intelligent matter to overcome, and have past personal successes to draw on.

I'm not going to wish you luck as I don't think in the long run you need it.

Croix

[Croix]

P.S. Forgot to say (brain has a mind of it's own - sigh): I've always found it very difficult to remember what strengths I've got and the importance of past victories in situations that are very worrying or overwhelming. That's why I've tried to remind you of yours, in case you do the same thing.
-C

[nogo17]

Hi- panel interviews seem confronting for all people I think.. To be honest interviewers make you a lot more relaxed these days- it's not as stressful as it used to be .. They position themselves and arrange the room very warm and inviting.. Techniques I find is I research the selection criteria- and dot form my important points for each one and try and think of an example from my experience that fits the selection criteria question. I also tell them upfront I'm a bit nervous please bear with me- they understand. If you get nervous just ask them to reword it or give an example- they understand people get nervous. I often put up a confident front even when I'm not confident... It's difficult but I guess it's my way. Just plan before the interview.. Arrive early - eat a good breakfast, deep slow expiration breathing and lots of talking to your self to calm down and relax. You can do it! You are just as qualified and have every right to be there.. 👍👍👍

[Boo1986]

Oh Wow, you guys are amazing. I am always amazed at the level of support here. Such kindness, understanding and very helpful advice. I appreciate each of you so much and value your opinions so very much. Thank-you all so much!

I will keep in touch and let you know how things are going.

Thank-you again for being such a wonderful community and helping me not to feel so alone.

It means more than words can express.

xoxo

[Boo1986]

Hi everybody,

I've just been re-reading everything, thank-you all again so much. Having another rotten day here at work and the encouragement has really helped. I'm arranging with my old teaching agency to go back and work a couple of days per week doing CRT which will be lovely. It can't happen soon enough. Today, like many other times, I am the one that cops everything despite having no part in all the mistakes, I'm the one that has to fix them...

The sales team have made a major error costing us at least $700 and causing so much confusion for the dispatch team, who in turn have also made some errors, costing even more. The customer called a number of times and I had to try my best to explain some very poor decisions made by everyone but me... and now I have to try to make sense of all this mess and respond to the customer... all the while copping an abusive email from my boss's wife for an incident where a customer called me "crazy" and I told him to stop emailing me and that he was lying (which he was and I obtained proof of this).

What a day... I'm hoping that when I next speak to the agency they will say that there is heaps of work at the moment... and if so, I will just quit this nightmare and never look back!!

[Croix]

Dear Boo~

It is really great to hear from you again, and also the good news that you have two days a week away from your existing job.

You have shown amazing strength is enduring a toxic situation for this long, one that could make anyone despair.

An other crumb of comfort, I found when I had 2 occupations at the same time that the bad effect of one was less on my mind, due to the distraction of the other. Not a long term solution , but at least a reminder to me that the whole world was not just the one horrible job.

It is very hard to distance yourself from the mistakes and poor conduct of others when you are the public face that has to deal with them.

As an aside I've just been 'interacting' with customer service for a total absence of broadband and I feel very sorry for the people at the call centers who are forced by their employer try to persuade me to go though a lengthy and meaningless set of steps to diagnose fault in my equipment when inquiries show that the whole area is down. Apparently they are not able to acknowledge this.

Unfeeling employers with their own agendas use people up and then discard them. Although it might be hard (it would be for me in your situation) please don't let it wear you down and let self-doubt creep in.

I hope you are completely out of there and into better times real soon.

Croix

[Grace888]

Hello Boo

I am hoping that this week is shaping up better for you than last, and that your exit strategy is going to plan.

Hang on in there.

Long after you have left this business they will still be having the same type of struggles and will still be looking for someone else to blame.

Best wishes

Grace

[Boo1986]

Hi everyone 🙂 good news, I had an interview with the agency yesterday, it all went really well and I will start on May 1st. They said they have been very busy so it is all looking really good. I'm very excited to be getting back to my passion and away from this atmosphere. I will still have a couple of days a week here but as Croix said it will be a reminder that the whole world is not just this one horrible job. I really appreciate this forum and the support I have received from all of you. Thank-you for taking the time to help me and share your wisdom 🙂

[Croix]

Dear Boo~

I'm referring to your recent post elsewhere concerning treatment in your public relations position by some who are unbelievably rude and short sighted..

It's an unfortunate fact that people in call centers, help/complaint desks and a host of other positions are not always given the respect they are due, quite the revers in fact, for some they are seen as a sort of lesser being whose needs are of no consequence.

This form of de-personalizeation or de-humanization leads to the idea that it is alright just to indulge oneself, and that is is of no matter if this rides roughshod over the rights or feelings of the other.

It also applies on the road, where some, isolated in their vehicles and the center of their own universe, behave in an abominable, selfish and dangerous manner.

I'm very happy that you have the opportunity to exit that job and go into a more civilized and rewarding area.

In passing the situation reminds me of a short Science Fiction story The Marching Morons by C. M. Kornbluth in which an increasingly small pool of able hard working people sustain a much larger population of drones.

Croix

[Boo1986]

That sounds very interesting, I might have to give it a read!! 🙂 Thanks Croix