Depression

Depression affects people in Australia every day. Share your own story and learn about other member’s experiences with depression.

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BeyondBlue Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started
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Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for ... View more

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for coming this far, we know it can be really hard to take these steps if depression is in your life - we see you and think this is a great step. To get the most out of this space we have a few tips: Get involved. The Forums work best for you when you get active and post where you can. Now, we know that can be really hard, especially when you are experiencing depression. So, if you can post something supportive to someone else here, that would be an incredible start. Speak from the heart. This community wants to know how YOU feel and what has worked for YOU. We trust that you have something unique to say and we can’t wait to hear it. Check in. Lots of the discussions in this section of the Forums have been going for years and they are some of the richest conversations we have. Keep checking in to get new ideas and offer your support. We know it can be tough to start, but when you are ready we want to hear your thoughts. If you need some time to get to know the community, that's okay! Have a look around and see where you want to get involved. Thank you for being here! Beyond Blue

Jeriava How do I talk to my doctor?
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I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really ... View more

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really scared that they’ll judge me or won’t believe anything I say. I’m really anti social so I feel like I won’t be able to say what I wanna say or I’ll say the wrong thing causing them to just dismiss me and move me along without helping. I’m just tired of feeling alone, depressed and just worthless but I’m really scared to talk to them.

AGrace SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION
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Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the ... View more

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the 5 senses Distress Tolerance – Accepting Emotions and Self Soothing Distraction – Put the thoughts/feelings aside and come back to them when you are ready to deal with them Positive Affirmations – Have some affirmations written down repeat them to yourself daily Sleep/Exercise/Diet – All 3 aspects of our lifestyle can impact the way we think/feel Increasing Pleasurable Activities – Engage in at least one pleasurable activity per day

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Dylan121121 How i feel
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Right now i feel good I've had a few beers and my medication is probably working i hope i feel like this for a while. But from experience this good feeling i get even without alcohol only seems to last one hour around twice a day. I'm always thinking... View more

Right now i feel good I've had a few beers and my medication is probably working i hope i feel like this for a while. But from experience this good feeling i get even without alcohol only seems to last one hour around twice a day. I'm always thinking could be about what medication to take, whether to use drugs, work, girlfriend, living conditions etc my life is fine i just tend to think alot.

LostandScared Please help
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I'm freaking out . I'm having trouble breathing, I don't know what to do. I don't want to talk to anybody on the phone. But I don't know where to turn. I've been drinking and doing drugs for days, it's become a bad cycle, and I feel unsafe and scared... View more

I'm freaking out . I'm having trouble breathing, I don't know what to do. I don't want to talk to anybody on the phone. But I don't know where to turn. I've been drinking and doing drugs for days, it's become a bad cycle, and I feel unsafe and scared. I'm trying to tell myself to breathe and things will change in the future, but I've done so many awful or dangerous things when drinking, a lot I don't even remember, but it feels like too much, and I'm scared the little bit of sanity I have left is going to disappear and I'm really going to hurt myself, and I don't want to, but I don't think I will be able to control it. I'm sorry this is rambling and incoherent. I don't know what to do. I know a big part is not taking my meds all the time, and the alcohol and drugs. I've been seeing a doctor and a psychologist for depression, anxiety, BPD and grief counseling. But it's all become too much. I'm scared. I've lost everything over the past 6 months, and been using alcohol and drugs to cope, though I know it's bad. But even sober all I feel is either nothing or everything. I can't cope anymore.

girl_interrupted Uncontrollable anger
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It's funny the things that trigger our emotions. This morning I was waiting for an FBT and had been waiting nearly an hour when in walked 2 people who were bumped up the queue and I was told I had to go to another clinic because they were priority. I... View more

It's funny the things that trigger our emotions. This morning I was waiting for an FBT and had been waiting nearly an hour when in walked 2 people who were bumped up the queue and I was told I had to go to another clinic because they were priority. I had already been fasting since early last night and had a terrible headache and also had another appointment I needed to be at. I was so full of rage at this point that I nearly knocked over the apologetic phlebotomist and stormed out of the clinic, stomped over to my car and drove off like a maniac. Don't know how I didn't crash my car but I was thrashing my fists against the steering wheel screaming and generally acting like a crazy person. I even starting pulling my hair out which I've never done before. I am so ashamed of myself for reacting like this. Just made me realize how bad my anger issues are and that I really need to do something about it. It's been brought up with different therapists but never really got to the core or worked out strategies that are helpful. Or perhaps I just wasn't willing to take on all the advice. I tend to forget things a lot and I'm often spaced out and too exhausted to think. I also find it difficult to talk about stuff in person and seem to be better writing stuff down. I even tried online counseling in the hope this would resolve my face to face shyness but he kept asking me the same questions and it felt like a waste of time and money. I've tried mindfulness but I don't seem to be able to channel my anger in the split moment it grips me. I know I need help. I'm so upset right now I'm a total mess. Having no friends or social support doesn't help either. I hate who I am right now.

nlboujos Up and Down!
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Hi! A bit about me and what brought me here. So I have had depression/anxiety/panic disorder most likely since I was young. There was a time when I was a little girl when my whole world changed (mum went back to work more, my brother changed schools,... View more

Hi! A bit about me and what brought me here. So I have had depression/anxiety/panic disorder most likely since I was young. There was a time when I was a little girl when my whole world changed (mum went back to work more, my brother changed schools, my best friend moved schools, I wasn't in the same class as my friends) and I ended up suffering from severe separation anxiety (I remember one time sleeping over at my friends house, and bursting into tears when mum pulled out of the driveway). I was taken to a child psych and eventually it sorted itself out. Next 15 years are reasonably stable (apart from the odd bout when being dumped by whomever I was with at the time). Fast forward to 2011 when I started a new job where unfortunately the Manager had issues of her own, and relentlessly bullied me everyday for about 6 months until she left. Got so low that I one day rang Lifeline, where my guardian angel said 'I used to be a mental health nurse, you have the symptoms of Depression/Anxiety/Panic Disorder, go to your GP'. Off to the GP I went, and away I walked with a script for AD's that I have been on ever since. Fast forward 12 months, and after making some life changes I am hit again. This time due to the stress of moving into my in-laws house. Once again I am back to the psych (EAP is amazing), and am asking my GP for increase in my dose of AD's (which I got). 2 years go by without an episode. My Husband and I get engaged and wham here it comes again! This time due to the pressure of planning a wedding. Once again back the psych and it all gets sorted. 18 months goes by, we move into our house, we get married all is well. Then my husband insists that I do a sleep study due to my snoring and constant tiredness. Turns out I have severe obstructive sleep apnea that means that I either have to have a CPAP machine for the rest of my life (I'm 30), or have massive jaw surgery to open my airways. I deal with it fine until I see the surgeon about 6 weeks ago and BAM! it's back again, and this time with a vengeance! I have being doing CBT with a psych, while waiting for the surgery (which will be in about 12 months time, as there is prep work that needs to be done) I have purchased a CPAP so I can sleep, and have had a med review with my GP who has changed me to a different SSRI. I have my up days (mum said I sounded quite chirpy last night) and my down (I woke up feeling awful this morning).

Holly_Girl Lost my direction....
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I've been seeing my psychologist now for 8 weeks. I was referred to him after walking into my GP's office and finally asking for help. I was diagnosed with depression. All I know is that I was in the darkest rut of my life. My weekly sessions with my... View more

I've been seeing my psychologist now for 8 weeks. I was referred to him after walking into my GP's office and finally asking for help. I was diagnosed with depression. All I know is that I was in the darkest rut of my life. My weekly sessions with my psychologist have been pivotal for me in navigating my way out of the rut. Trying to find my direction. I understand finding our own way is a process. The biggest issue for me is that I totally burnt myself out in my career. My job occupied my days & nights, and pretty soon I didn't have much of a life outside of work. I allowed my role to define me. Once the company closed I was completely burnt, lost & unemployed. I had no idea what direction to head in or what I even wanted to do with myself. Returning to a similar role now fills me with a sense of claustrophobia & dread. So here I am for the first time in 20 years in the midst of a career break. Through working with my psychologist, I've finally reached a point where I've given myself permission to take this time to restore & re-evaluate (it wasn't easy, let me tell you). He assures me that I will regain my mojo and find my direction. My vision. That once I do I'll be off & running again. But for now focus on restoring as I run the risk of reentering the workforce to early. I've also now found I'm a bit of a misfit to those around me. Taking a career break is frowned upon in my circle. It makes others uncomfortable. People don't seem to understand the concept of restoring. Not when everyone is so busy. It's hard to explain that I'm restoring. That I'm learning how to take care of myself. That I'm trying to put in place healthier long term habits. That I'm walking my dog each day, attending fitness classes a couple of times a week, cooking, gardening, reading, watching movies & catching up with friends. That I'm trying to discover what I actually like doing. As all I seem to know is how to push myself in my career. But the hardest thing is trusting that I will recover. That I will once again find my direction. So I'm taking it one day at a time. Some days are better than others. On those not so good days I can't seem to make sense of how I got here. When last year I seemed to be at the prime of my career. But then I have to remind myself that I've been pushing for a long time now. Something had to give. At some point I needed to re-evaluate. I just didn't expect to feel so lost in the process. HG.

CompulsiveLiar Antisocial Personality Disorder.
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I'm writing this because I dont want to be like this anymore, and I want to be as well as I can possibly be. My username is CompulsiveLiar. Thats who I have been. I spent most of my life telling lies to survive. I imagine some people reading this wil... View more

I'm writing this because I dont want to be like this anymore, and I want to be as well as I can possibly be. My username is CompulsiveLiar. Thats who I have been. I spent most of my life telling lies to survive. I imagine some people reading this will question whether or not I am actually telling the truth. Thats what sucks about telling people that I am recovering compulsive liar, people dont believe liars. And rightfully so. But I believe that a liar can learn to not tell lies. Its a tough habit to break, but it is possible. Like many I had a brutal childhood, as a young boy. I had a very cruel mother. But I do forgive her. She was sick too. Shes a lot better now. I will never ever live with her again. But, shes happy in her pocket of the universe, and me in mine. I love her dearly. She did her best. Took me a long time to admit that, mum was in a lot of emotional pain. I didnt get that then. Still dont fully understand emotions. This disorders inhibits me from feeling like most people feel. And, like most people with ASPD, I also suffered with a Conduct Disorder, as a child. Ive never been to prison. Though I do have criminal convictions. Im writing because this is all part of a therapeutic process for me. Its important for me to start telling the truth as much as I can to generate new habits, to tell the truth. Im using this forum because its a safe way for me to be honest, without the anxiety of being judged or criticised for having this disorder. Ive had a look around and I dont see many posts about this disorder though, and Im not surprised. Most people with ASPD dont come forward to get help, unless its due to a court order. Im not expecting much, and Im not looking for sympathy or anything like that. Ive hurt alot of people along the way, and I dont want to do that anymore. So much so, that it hurts, and the weird thing is that its good that it hurts, because Im feeling remorse!. They say people like me dont feel that but I swear thats what Im feeling. Im so sorry to everyone in this world that I have ever hurt. Im so very sorry. I wish that I wasnt born this way but I have to make the most of the hand that I have been dealt. I read a post on here, about limiting beliefs and taking responsibility, and thats where I am at. I so desperately want to step up and be the man that I know that I can be. Coming clean like this is a big deal for me. And I feel good being able to share this, without guilt, shame and fear. Thank you all very much!.

hawaiian_robot Feeling hopeless about life (C-PTSD/MDD/GAD)
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Hey everyone, just looking for some perspective, and a place to vent a little bit. Hoping I don't ramble too much, want to give a decent amount of detail. Been studying off and on for a few years now, and looking to finish up my uni degree fairly soo... View more

Hey everyone, just looking for some perspective, and a place to vent a little bit. Hoping I don't ramble too much, want to give a decent amount of detail. Been studying off and on for a few years now, and looking to finish up my uni degree fairly soon. I do have regular setbacks though, and it makes me real anxious when I sit down to do what I have to finish, so it's taken a bit longer than the average student. Recently talked with my psychologist about what I thought may have been Borderline PD, but she suggested it might be complex-PTSD instead, that's its own story. Also comes packaged with major depression, and anxiety. So, it can be difficult to do things that some people find easy. I have a partner, who has had depression in the past, but she's mostly good now and works as an intern doctor right now. It can be frustrating and upsetting for me when she says things like "I just wish you could get a job" when I've got study to finish, and at best would be working part-time. We've had issues about money and paying equal share in things, but I don't come anywhere near to her level of income, and probably won't, ever. Still, I do stress about finances and being independent, but it's just not the reality of the situation for now. I have been applying for tons of jobs, but never get a callback on anything. This makes me feel pretty awful, and makes me think I'm a waste of space and will just be broke and miserable forever. It's also making me feel bad, because my partner is moving interstate soon, and I won't be able to go with her straight away, and am not sure when I'll have enough money to move interstate as well. I try to do mindfulness exercises and try to think more objectively, but I really struggle a lot lately, which affects my progress at uni, and not getting anywhere applying for jobs makes me think I'll be unemployable forever due to being 32 and having not held down a proper job in that time. I don't even hear back about cleaning jobs, even though I'd hate that and it'd make me miserable, having to do that kind of job even after getting educated. I had a look into doing Uber driving out of desperation, and yeah I don't want to go through all that really, seems like a lot of outlay and risk for me with very little benefit, and would make me feel worse. I just feel like I want to disappear and not have to deal with any of this. I'm not going anywhere positive in my life.

Montahh Borderline Personality is taking over my life
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Hi everyone, Recently I have been diagnosed with BPD. For those of you who don't know what that entails, it's a mixture of feeling empty, low self-esteem, Paranoia or emotional detachment, Anxiety about relationships, efforts to avoid being abandoned... View more

Hi everyone, Recently I have been diagnosed with BPD. For those of you who don't know what that entails, it's a mixture of feeling empty, low self-esteem, Paranoia or emotional detachment, Anxiety about relationships, efforts to avoid being abandoned,Impulsive, risky behaviour, Self-harm, threatening or attempting suicide, Anger, moodiness and irritability. I also have depression and anxiety and my medication are definitely doing there job. I'm just worried about my constant efforts to be apart of risky behaviours, it's as if I get a rush off them. I feel like I'm going to put myself in a lot of danger one day and I would like some advice as to what to do before it gets to that ? Thank you !

Billy-Mae Struggling with the day to day realisation of my health
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Hi Guys, I am new here and i guess i joined because until 6 months ago i thought i had all the support i ever needed, until i actually asked for it and struggling on my own hasn't been working so i hope this helps. 3 years ago i was told i had a seri... View more

Hi Guys, I am new here and i guess i joined because until 6 months ago i thought i had all the support i ever needed, until i actually asked for it and struggling on my own hasn't been working so i hope this helps. 3 years ago i was told i had a serious hear condition which caused my to faint up to 21 times a day, this was brought on by stress. I will stress, worry about everything and everyone. I try and make sure they are ok, taken care of, looked after at all times. I have dealt with this medical issue and i thought i was on the mend until 6 months ago when i was told i can't have children due to the damage i have caused my heart over the years i just won't be strong enough to pump blood for me and a baby. There is an 85% chance i will die if i fall pregnant. I have been in a hole ever since. My friends have all left because i don't pay them enough attention anymore and i can't tell my family it would kill them so its just me alone stressing (ironically) about the future. I am only 24 years old and didnt want children yet but it was like a switch, the moment i heard that news come out of the doctors mouth that was it and i am so tired. I am tired of crying, of being alone, not wanting to wake up in the morning because i know my dreams are much better than my actual life. I never knew you could miss something i never had. I don't know if i should even be this upset sometimes i think there are people out there much worse off than me but i don't know how to shake this, i lay at home alone every night realising that the one thing i have always wanted was to be a mum and now i can't do that and its my fault. I don't know what to do i haven't slept in 6 months and i barley eat now. I think being alone is the hardest thing of all with no one to talk to or make sure i am ok. What can i do to get out of this hole i am in? X

RnrDad New Here - Struggling and Losing Hope
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Hi Team, I've heard plenty of awesome things about these forums, and I know how great BeyondBlue as an organisation is to help with Depression and Anxiety, so I decided to join and tell my story. I've been battling some serious depression and anxiety... View more

Hi Team, I've heard plenty of awesome things about these forums, and I know how great BeyondBlue as an organisation is to help with Depression and Anxiety, so I decided to join and tell my story. I've been battling some serious depression and anxiety for 2 years now, and I'm really at a low point. A few points to provide some context, I am a 32 year old male who is an Exercise Physiologist, as well as a Dad to a beautiful infant boy. Not sure how or why the anxiety or depression started, but each day now is a constant battle. My job requires a lot of positive energy, as well as being a good dad and husband. Energy which, unfortunatley, I just don't have. Of course like everyone I had good and bad days, but the bad days are really bad. As a Health Professional, embarrasing to say my health is probably the worst it's ever been. I am putting on weight/bodyfat due to the almost non stop flow of stress hormones that are absoloutley tearing my nervous system apart. My CNS is drained, depleted, and broken. I'm broken. Apart from the anxiety and depression, I also suffer from OCD, Misophonia (hatred of select sound), ADHD-PI. I know each of these can be related to an overactive nervous system, and gut health, however I'm at a total loss of how I will fix this. I eat plenty of vegetables, keep refined sugars to an absoloute minimum, and limit alcohol. My one vice is caffeine, but working in the job I do, I feel it's the only way I can get through each day. Part of me wants to live in a cave. Part of me wants to stop my job (which I've given up a good government job for and studied for 5 years to get) and focus on my own health while I work a job more suited to depression. I want to get better, and for the sake of my family, will never lose hope. However, I'm completley at a loss as to how to direct my rehabilitation. I've been on AD's which unfortunatley did nothing for me, and feel the one way I can solve my issue is by fixing my poor, toxic inflamed gut and broken body. I should have the answers being an Exercise Professional, but I don't. This is my cry for help.