Dubrovnik

[dubrovnik]

Hello

I have written on these posts previously, it has been some time since I last wrote on Beyond Blue.

Thank you to everyone who read my posts and for all of your support and kindness in the past.

Unfortunately both of my parents passed away in 2024. Firstly my mother passed away in June 2024 then a few months later my father passed away in October 2024.

They passed away overseas.

it was a very hard time.

Myself and my siblings were overseas I had to go overseas urgently when Mum was sick but unfortunately didn’t get to say goodbye to her, I was devastated.

Previously I had written about the issues I had with my sister, for awhile things were good, we were united as a family during a very hard time.

Unfortunately things have not been good lately, we have a very up and down relationship.

My sister likes to take over in conversations and it’s very disheartening at times.

i have had many arguments with her about that, she said that it’s not her fault that i don’t talk very much’ I said to her ‘it’s very hard to talk when you take over and not let others speak’

i bumped into a mutual friend of ours and she even said to me ‘you are a nice person’ thought you were stuck up’. I said to her it’s very hard to talk when people talk over you so that’s why I kept quiet’

i am a reserved person but I am very open once I get to know people but I do have severe trust issues and am very guarded due to being hurt and betrayed by former friends and relationships.

i feel like I am going around in circles, I have walked out of family events because my sister put me down, yet I am seen as the one with the problem.

i don’t know what to do.

i am going to start therapy soon.

thank you very much for reading this.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome again

Losing both parents must have been devastating. Sorry to hear that. It could also make you more sensitive than usual.

I am one of those people that talk over others when I get onto a topic I'm excited about. However I learned a long time ago that it is important to occasionally add a question to someone that hasnt said anything for a while. That brings them into the chatter. Does your sister ask you questions? If not then you will feel like a robot sitting there allowing her to talk away, like her dumping chatter onto you. Is she interested in your opinion? 

If not then occasionally say "do you want my opinion"? If she says "yes" then thats good, if she says "not really" then she has an issue. The other way is to jump in like other people do, which for you isnt easy, but it might be the only way. 

The final method of tackling your relationship is to drift a little. Having a sibling doesnt mean you are compatible as company but getting together at main events if you can tolerate it - can be rewarding.

I'm happy you are starting therapy. I've gone away after periods of therapy and recall segments of them decades later. 

Welcome back and hope that helps.

TonyWK

[dubrovnik]

Hello Tony

thank you 

thank you very much for your lovely reply and for your understanding and support.

Yes I have asked her not to interrupt when I speak, sometimes she will listen but most of the time she doesn’t.

1. i have tried jumping in but then she gets angry and tells me off which results in us arguing, this has happened a number of times.
2. We went out on the weekend & caught up with mutual friends, 1 of the ladies is a friend of mine from school & a cousin of one of my sisters friends.
3. everything was going well then one of the girls started to talk about one of the girls who went to the bathroom, she mentioned this ladies quirky habits, then another girl joined in and started laughing, I said to them that isn’t nice, then the first girl who started talking about the other girl said that they are just mucking around & having fun, I said to them it’s really bitchy to talk about someone behind their back especially if that person is their friend 
4. I thought it was pathetic that they were carrying on like schoolgirls, these are middle aged women.

One of my friends told these 2 ladies to grow up!

they started giggling like idiots.

i told them to shut up, my sister actually took my side which was really good.

that girl came out of the bathroom & said that she heard everything that they said, she told them off! She ended up going home, I was so glad that she told them off.

those girls said that their afternoon was ruined, I said to them that it’s your own fault for  back stabbing and being childish!

I have been through this stuff in previous years with former friends which caused me to develop trust issues.

We all called it a day.

afterwards my sister said that I shouldn’t have interfered, I told her you didn’t like the way they carried on either and they were downright rude!

I am going to keep my distance for the time being, I have put up with so much.

for a while my sister and I were united then things changed last year.

I think therapy will help too, I had started therapy  halfway through 2023 but had to cut it  short when I had to go overseas urgently in June 2024.

thank you again for your kindness and support