Feeling Alone and Helpless

Guest_38978519

Hey guys, I've never done something like this before. I don't really know what to say. But I have been struggling with depressed and suicidal thoughts for as long as I can remember. I am 19 and am getting really tired and exhausted by all of this. It just never gets better and the thoughts always come back. It gets so bad to the point I can't even get out of bed. It really affects my grades and my relationships as I don't have the energy to go out or even text back. I don't really know what to do anymore. I can't afford things like therapy and I don't know how to open up to people. I've never even told anyone any of my problems, mainly because I don't want to dump so much of my trauma on them, it feels so unfair to do that to someone. I mean how do you even tell your friends you have suicidal thoughts. But idk. I really want to get better, like so bad. All I want is to be happy and to just be normal and be able to get up everyday and to feel happy and want to be alive.

I'm currently on uni break right now so I feel so alone too. All my friends are travelling and doing stuff whilst I'm stuck working full time alone. I'm just really struggling to see the point in going on right now but I just want to try one last thing. Because I rly do want to get better, I just don't know how. Sorry abt this crazy vent but idk, idk what I'm supposed to say on this thing. But I thought it would be good to maybe talk to people who think the same way, who would understand what I'm going through.

indigo22

Hello,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for finding the courage to reach out to us.

Firstly, I want you to know that I have been dealing with depression for more than 50 years and have had suicidal ideation a number of times, so I do understand the place you are in at present. It is a really dark and lonely place to be and it can be hard to figure out how to get out of that dark hole.

I am really proud of you for opening up about how you are feeling, it is the hardest step and you did it. I know there is a lot more that you haven't said yet but it's enough for now and when you are ready you can add to your story if you feel comfortable.

I started my journey with depression around age 12, but there was little support or recognition of mental health issues then and I went undiagnosed and unsupported until I was in my 40s. These days there is more awareness but we still have a long way to go.

Have you at least talked to a GP about how you feel? Have you tried any medication to get on top of it?

I ask these questions so I can figure out what I can suggest to help and support you. I know you are not in a financial situation to see a professional right now but there are still options available that you may be unaware of.

Given your age, one of my suggestions would be to reach out to the Kid's Helpline. They would be a very good place to start and if you are not comfortable talking on the phone, they also have a webchat service. They are professionals who are there to help you in real time and may be able to point you to additional support in your local area as well. There will likely be a wait to connect with someone but please don't let that put you off, it's important that you get the support you need.

Kid's Helpline - available 24/7 - up to age 25 - 1800 55 1800

You can access webchat here (scroll down the page to see the button to connect)

https://kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling

You can also come back to this thread and continue talking here, I would be happy to talk to you whenever you wish. The only difference is that this forum is not real time support but I will get back to you as soon as I am able which is generally only a few hours if I am not online when you post.

Life is not meant to be this difficult but sometimes the challenges we face can make us spiral and I want to make sure you feel supported so you can get on top of this while you are young.

Thinking of you with care,

indigo