Dont really understand my feelings

Hong24 · ‎02-09-2021

The past few years i havnt been feeling the greatest about my mental health and i still dont fully know why. This all stemed from some drama between me and my friends which has pretty much resulted in me becoming distant with them despite me being very close to everyone before. When I then attempted to fix the relationships between my friends and I but only resulted in more drama and being outcasted even more. Its kind of weird because now I think about it I've always thought in the back of my mind that they are not the type of people i should be surronding myself with. Despite the fact that i am only in Y12 and with Uni being able to give me a "fresh start" next year, there is still often times where i just get hit with sadness if i see them having fun and stuff without me, even though their hobbies dont appeal to me anymore. When im sad i also tend to have a lot of self sabotage e.g. feeling of no worth, even though i have high expectations of my future and believe that all this drama is a blessing is diguise that will lead me to meet other people. I have decent grades, very loving parents and siblings, im constantly happy about my weight loss progress, and like most of the time im usually very happy and smile a lot. But I just dont understand why sometimes i feel so sad even when i know that in the long run everyting will be fine.

geoff · ‎03-09-2021

Hello Hong, thanks for posting your comment and understand that these last couple of years have altered so many different situations and unfortunately this doesn't elude you.

Year 12 is fast coming to an end, except having to endure the exams which I hope you do well in.

There is always the intention that kids in year 12 will stay in touch with each other after the exams, but this doesn't seem to happen as uni's are spread out, some gain work, while others concentrate on relationships, so contact virtually fades away, while you develop new friends if you go to uni, so that's positive for you.

Don't let these 'friends' cause you to feel in an uncomfortable position, your main concern is finishing the exams and these people will slowly drift apart, not only with you but also with themselves.

You need to be able to hold yourself with the strength you have, times will be different in a few months and take no notice of what goes on, concentrate on achieving what you aim to do.

I wish you the very best and please get back if that's what you want to do.

Geoff.

therising · ‎03-09-2021

Hi Hong24

You have a truly amazing ability to feel so much. I've found there are times where I wish life came with an instruction manual, with a brilliantly detailed chapter on 'How to navigate feeling your way through life'. Sub heading: ''Feeling' is a super natural ability that comes with a down side if it's not managed'. I'm wondering if your experiences make more sense, from the perspective of 'feeling'...

You obviously feel/sense your mental health subtly shifting and there is a natural need to know why? Do you feel an urge, to gain greater self awareness? This is the sign of a naturally intelligent person who is wonderful (full of wonder). You felt the need for resolution amongst your 'friends' and worked to manage resolution, a sign of great instinct, maturity and progressiveness. I imagine you also felt the nature of closed minded people at the same time. Would I be right in saying they're not the most open minded people? With such people, you can almost feel their minds snap shut around their own opinions/judgements.

Do you feel their shallowness and their thoughtlessness, regarding how they could have moved on so easily? They obviously lost the most sensitive thoughtful member of the group, you. Such a shame they lost their most super natural member. I hope I put a smile on your face when I ask - How would you feel about a group of people who'd reject Clark Kent (Superman) or Diana Prince (Wonder Woman)? Would you say 'Those people are crazy, rejecting someone with such incredible abilities'? 🙂 Don't be surprised if their inability to feel at a deeper level gets them into some sort of trouble in the future. Perhaps their good instincts aren't anywhere near as strong as yours.

While you look forward to finding your tribe at uni, do you think what you're feeling at the moment is a sense of disconnection while you're in between groups? If you love sensing the connection that comes with being raised by others, do you miss this channel/connection? Your family members sound like blessings. Do you think they can raise you in certain ways in between time - your consciousness, excitement levels, relaxation levels, your need for challenge and sense of wonder and so on? Maybe you could be their raiser too.

Learning to read people can sometimes involve some surprising and deeply heartbreaking lessons. Would you say you now have the added ability to read this ex friendship group like a book? Can you pick their every move, maybe even ahead of them?

🙂