All gone

[AT_1]

Everything has disappeared.

Colour, drive, morality.

Only a cold reality of stark unremarkableness stained with a mocking truth that even it will abandon you.

With the most sickening of things being a daily occurance that destroys any hope for self respect and an inability to resist temptations, a spark which has also gone the way off all things, what a cruelty it is to ask that I hope for more.

But if I truly despised this, why be here? Why does being here feel like a defeat? What am I trying to win? 

 All I have is this delusion of unique suffering that is anything but.

Its just so dark in here I can't see you. 

[DyingStar]

AT_1,

I want to say I can see you. If it's not convincing, can I say I can't see you but I can still feel you?

I hope to God that you'll come back and see my little roaring response quietly typed up on the keyboard.

Whatever this 'most sickening of things' you're talking about, it's happened a hundred thousand fold before you were here, and it will keep happening along the entire duration of humanity. Do I sound naive? Am I being unhelpful?

But this is the absolute truth, that the sun rises every morning. Light comes and brings colors back to everything. The earth that we're on IS MOVING, so even if we're nailed down in our pitiful little existence, we're crashing through this space time whether we like it nor not. If I could physically get hold of you, I'd say lets sit back and observe for a moment, this spectacular show that we're involuntarily partaking.

I am so desperately lonely and insufficient, that I can only confidently say this under the disguise of virtual anonymity. I'm sending you a virtual hug 5 days later. I hope you've received it with open arms.

Any everything is still here.

[HappyHelper88]

Hello AT_1, thankyou for your post and welcome to the forum
I could relate to this in my past experiences....
i feel like everything in my world has disappeared.... Colour, drive, morality. Reality is cold. i cannot control my actions, feelings, emotions and reactions but i do it anyway and i hate myself. If i despise what i keep doing then why do i keep doing it? why do i always feel like this? why do i keep going? What am I trying to win?
Its just so dark in here I can't see myself or what i am doing

These were some of my thoughts from the past when i was in a dark place and since then i have been able to see life more positively using some strategies such as self care, mindfulness, affirmations of truth, speaking with others about how i am feeling and sessions with my psychiatrist.
I really hope you are okay and there is always support here if you need
I Hope this helps