I am pretty sure I have been getting "used" to living with this by now and it is just a trigger that comes along once in a while that pushes it too far into depression. Right now I should be at probably the lowest point in my life due to circumstances but the saving grace is the pain killers I'm taking daily, which seem to be keeping my outlook on life in check. It always fascinated me how I felt more comfortable, even happier, when I was feeling down in the dumps. Not that I don't want life to get better but somehow there is a solace in the familiarity of devastation, whereas happiness is like living on a knife edge and you know that just around the corner is another catastrophe that will bring undone your temporary feeling of joy. Wow, there's some of the imagery that usually inspires my creative writing....
To MichaelMelbourne, regarding your original post here, did you end up getting help with it and how are you coping now? I totally understand the financial hurdles of getting help and the lack of understanding from professional staff who rake in six figure salaries. If only I could afford it I'd be getting help too, but this world doesn't look after it's sick and needy, we have to fend for ourselves. At least if you hang around here a while, you can find some support and sharing with others who understand seems to help a little, at least you have a sounding board and can take your time to think of how you want to say what's bothering you. No judgement. Cheers and good luck.
